Advise

[deceptivelyinnocent]

I am here to ask for advise of the Lit people because this is where it all began. To catch your interest I will tell you first his wife called...
It began as most other meetings on Lit. He is looking for some one to help get him off with word play. And I am looking for adventure, which I found. We flirted here on Lit had fun and exchanged emails. Then through email our encounters became more and more frequent. We started sharing parts of our lives with each other. Our troubles and our triumphs. I knew from the beginning he was married but thought naively that being online it would not go further than friendship. Quickly it progressed to sharing our emotions, caring for each other, being concerned about the others happiness. Wanting to make a positive difference in the others life. Before I knew it had happened we were in love. This was not possible I thought. How could anyone fall in love just by having an online relationship?
We glowed in our love, shinning as every day we grew closer and closer. It was too wonderful to feel so close to someone I had not even meet in person. We even made plans to meeting. Perhaps with my fear I made the end come quicker than it would ever had. In my error I called it forth. At the time she called I luckily was away from my phone but she did leave a message. Telling me to stay out of their marriage. As of yet I have received no message from him.
I never wanted to hurt anyone. I did not look for love. I did not want it. But I don't want to let it go now. What do I do? What is for me to do? Any advise in this would be most helpful and appreciated.
Thank you in advance.

 

[fgarvb1]

Well,

it is your own fault you know.

You sat down at the poker game called love and the other person was playing with counterfeit money and you knew it!

There was NO way you could win.

Look here...if he could be stolen from her, then he could be stolen from YOU.

Makes me wonder how many time this has happened before.

I feel sad for you..***** and some of the choices we make suck.

I searched half a life time for someone once ...found her and lost her due to no fault of my own or really hers.

 

[njlauren]

If this is true, respect the wife's wishes and stay away from him. What you had was what is called an 'emotional affair', you weren't just playing, you were sharing intimacies and things only people in a relationship usually share. What everyone forgets with the obsession about sex, about having sex, is that a couple is intimate in many ways, and it is the other intimacies that cause people to fall in love, lot more then the sex does (sex is an expression of love, or can be, but you can also have sex to have sex). What you did with him is let all the rest build up and you ended up falling in love, sex was irrelevant to that.

"virtual" worlds are a bit different, but in the end they lead to the same kind of things that 'real' relationships do, which is why they are even more dangerous. Put it this way, if you had known this guy IRL, went to dinner with him, went to the movies with him, spent time walking and talking together, dancing, whatever, you would realize quickly what you were doing wasn't innocent; but because it is works in e-mail or chat or IM, you don't realize you are doing the same thing.

The wife knows and all you are going to do if you pursue this is end up in the mddile of a mes and you are going to end up feeling like shit, I promise you. You said in your post you fell in love, imagine if you loved someone and found out they were doing what you had been doing, how you would feel.

 

[Eilan]

20 pages.

 

[Domesticity]

You never wanted to hurt anyone, but you did.

Be glad you didn't meet in real life, hope the wife doesn't know your real name, where you live, etc, and cut your losses.

It will be hard at first, especially if you talked daily--you will miss him a lot but it will get easier.

Good luck. I hope you're able to stay away.

 

[satindesire]

Sometimes we don't necessarily go looking for things, but they find us anyway. Even though we know it's wrong we do it anyway. So....

Regardless of whether or not you meant to cause hurt, you did.
Regardless of whether you intended to fall in love or not, you have.
Regardless of whether you WANT To let it go or not, you should.

/end thread