I need some good unbiased opinions and I figured this was a good place to go. Any good advise is welcome, but I am long winded because I feel like one needs all the facts to give a good opinion.
I am a divorced woman. The reason for the divorce is after almost 11 years of marriage and 14 years together my ex told me he was gay. Yeah, talk about a heart shattering moment. Anyway, that is important because I have some trust issues. I don't have trust issues that someone is cheating on me. No, my issues sometimes come down to taking someone at their word. I mean, I even doubt my parents sometimes.
So about a month ago, just before I decided to give on-line dating up for awhile because I am tired of the sleazy bags, douche nozzles, and all around guys just wanting to fuck instead of having a relationship, I got a message from guy A. We'll call him Bill. Bill and I hit it off in conversation, and had a great first date. We've been seeing each other since, but there's been no escalation as of yet.
Bill is a demisexual. For those who don't know (because I don't) demisexuals while they can feel instant sexual attraction it is fleeting. They build their sexual attraction on getting to know someone on a deep emotional level. So, we've been getting to know each other. There is something to be said about getting to know someone without the pressure of "it's the third date, shit do I need to fuck him now?" I have told him that I will work on his timeline and when he feels ready we can discuss and move forward then.
Well, I have always been a fan of lit. In fact this is my incognito name where I can lurk and not have to post or deal with people I don't want to. I was perusing one night when I came across a personal ad, with a title that caught my eye. I happened to look at the s/n and recognized it as someone I thought I talked to.
I read the ad, and all the posts. I then went to his profile and was almost positive it was him. So, I dropped him a message asking if he recognized my name, and if he was the guy with (insert descriptive features here). I was really curious what he had been up to the last 4 years and how he was.
It comes to note that 4 years previously I was married. My ex would take pictures, and let me post them to lit. He knew I interacted with some of the guys that followed my thread, and was cool with it. (I should have known there was an issue then). Guy B, we'll call him Jason, messaged me after commenting on my thread. Jason and I connected better than I had with anyone else. There was something there at the time, but we both knew the score. Jason wouldn't even think of trying anything while I was married. But he was a good friend, would talk me through issues, and generally made me happy.
Well color me surprised when Jason messaged me back, and not only did he remember me, but he could describe me, and some of our chats. It wasn't just a random, oh yeah, I remember you. Nope, Jason even remembered my name. Four years later, who does that?
Jason and I started chatting, and what ever we had before is nothing like now. I mean now it's a primal fucking need that I want him. We didn't even talk sex and my body was going, find him. It's not just a one way thing. Jason's single again now, and he has this same primal need/want. But it's more than that. It's not just we want to have sex. The friendship from before is there and we would want a relationship.
Jason says he'll move here. I never asked him, he just flat out asked me one night if he moved by me, would I date him, be with him. Um...is that really a question? No, of course I would.
Which leads me to my issue. I am still seeing Bill. Now, we haven't had the exclusive talk, or even had sex. Right now I know it's not an issue. I also told Jason because of my trust issues I don't want to live my life on someone else's time. I won't wait around for months or a year on a promise. Jason gets that and told me he wouldn't hold it against me for living my life because he is not here. Obviously Bill doesn't know a dang thing about Jason. And, I don't know if I should tell him. If he wants to be exclusive, I know I couldn't give Jason up. It's not fair to Bill, but I know I can't.
What would you do? Tell Bill everything and see what he says? Tell Bill nothing and see if Jason really does move up here? Tell Bill part of it in some way? Please, any and all advise if welcome. I just want unbiased opinions from people who don't know us, or is one of us.
I am a divorced woman. The reason for the divorce is after almost 11 years of marriage and 14 years together my ex told me he was gay. Yeah, talk about a heart shattering moment. Anyway, that is important because I have some trust issues. I don't have trust issues that someone is cheating on me. No, my issues sometimes come down to taking someone at their word. I mean, I even doubt my parents sometimes.
So about a month ago, just before I decided to give on-line dating up for awhile because I am tired of the sleazy bags, douche nozzles, and all around guys just wanting to fuck instead of having a relationship, I got a message from guy A. We'll call him Bill. Bill and I hit it off in conversation, and had a great first date. We've been seeing each other since, but there's been no escalation as of yet.
Bill is a demisexual. For those who don't know (because I don't) demisexuals while they can feel instant sexual attraction it is fleeting. They build their sexual attraction on getting to know someone on a deep emotional level. So, we've been getting to know each other. There is something to be said about getting to know someone without the pressure of "it's the third date, shit do I need to fuck him now?" I have told him that I will work on his timeline and when he feels ready we can discuss and move forward then.
Well, I have always been a fan of lit. In fact this is my incognito name where I can lurk and not have to post or deal with people I don't want to. I was perusing one night when I came across a personal ad, with a title that caught my eye. I happened to look at the s/n and recognized it as someone I thought I talked to.
I read the ad, and all the posts. I then went to his profile and was almost positive it was him. So, I dropped him a message asking if he recognized my name, and if he was the guy with (insert descriptive features here). I was really curious what he had been up to the last 4 years and how he was.
It comes to note that 4 years previously I was married. My ex would take pictures, and let me post them to lit. He knew I interacted with some of the guys that followed my thread, and was cool with it. (I should have known there was an issue then). Guy B, we'll call him Jason, messaged me after commenting on my thread. Jason and I connected better than I had with anyone else. There was something there at the time, but we both knew the score. Jason wouldn't even think of trying anything while I was married. But he was a good friend, would talk me through issues, and generally made me happy.
Well color me surprised when Jason messaged me back, and not only did he remember me, but he could describe me, and some of our chats. It wasn't just a random, oh yeah, I remember you. Nope, Jason even remembered my name. Four years later, who does that?
Jason and I started chatting, and what ever we had before is nothing like now. I mean now it's a primal fucking need that I want him. We didn't even talk sex and my body was going, find him. It's not just a one way thing. Jason's single again now, and he has this same primal need/want. But it's more than that. It's not just we want to have sex. The friendship from before is there and we would want a relationship.
Jason says he'll move here. I never asked him, he just flat out asked me one night if he moved by me, would I date him, be with him. Um...is that really a question? No, of course I would.
Which leads me to my issue. I am still seeing Bill. Now, we haven't had the exclusive talk, or even had sex. Right now I know it's not an issue. I also told Jason because of my trust issues I don't want to live my life on someone else's time. I won't wait around for months or a year on a promise. Jason gets that and told me he wouldn't hold it against me for living my life because he is not here. Obviously Bill doesn't know a dang thing about Jason. And, I don't know if I should tell him. If he wants to be exclusive, I know I couldn't give Jason up. It's not fair to Bill, but I know I can't.
What would you do? Tell Bill everything and see what he says? Tell Bill nothing and see if Jason really does move up here? Tell Bill part of it in some way? Please, any and all advise if welcome. I just want unbiased opinions from people who don't know us, or is one of us.
