Advice Wanted please

[deuce]

Hi, im a 26 y/o male with a problem. My Girlfriend, and mother of my children, has openly stated that she doesnt want to have sex anymore, not just with me, but with anyone. She has said i am free to have sex with anyone i want, bar one person. Now, im obviously upset about the whole thing, not just the whole she doesn't want me, but she has barred me from the only other woman i would ever consider having sex with. This other girl is a friend to both of us, and i think she likes me too. any ideas, bearing in mind i dont want to leave her, as she is still very important to me, and as i mentioned before, we have children together, who are the most important things in the world to me.
any help would be greatly appreciated.

thanks

 

[Cibo]

Why does she not want to have sex anymore with anyone?

 

[deuce]

wish i knew. ive tried being romantic (for a loooong time), given her space etc... we've had sex approx. 10 times in the last 3 years (since she got pregnant with our last baby).

 

[Reverie]

Have you suggested that she see a doctor? Maybe she's suffering from postpartum depression or has a hormonal imbalance. If it's not a physical problem, then maybe she should seek counselling. I don't think it's exactly normal for someone to suddenly swear off sex.

 

[Guest]

 

[horny_giraffe]

deuce-Evidently, you feel very loyal toward your girlfriend. Do you feel that she merits your loyalty?

 

[deuce]

as far as im aware, there is no pain, as she can pleasure her self. I think its me she doesnt find attractive anymore, and istrying to soften the blow. and yes horny_giraffe, i feel she does merit it. she is mother to my children, and, despite the lack of sex (we are up to almost 3 months now) i do love her. its just i have needs too, and i dont know what to do.

 

[horny_giraffe]

You have my sympathies.

 

[deuce]

thanks. it helps to talk about it a bit, i think, so thanks for listening

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

 

[Debbie]

is it an issue with her feelings or is it physically painful for her some how?

Agreed, could it be a self esteem issue? As in since she had the kids she has put on weight/lost weight; feels less attractive to you? Will she talk to you at all about what is going on for her?


Counselling might help if she will open up to you.


Good luck.

 

[Lancecastor]

The Truth.

Your woman is not your woman anymore.

She is already seeing somebody else.

The woman she wants you to stay away from already knows.

And yes, that second woman will want to sleep with you.

And I think you already know all of this intuitively.

Recommendation: Do something completely out of character that will fuck up the control and information games being played on you at present.

Your Invoice will follow.

Better daze ahead!

Lance Castor, Internet ManSage

 

[deuce]

well if she has said she doesnt want any one, and is not about to go out and get some one else, then why would u think its u in particular?

how about trying some new things, some things that will pleasure her and relax her. like not actual intercourse, get a little kinky though, like go and buy some body paints and light some candles when the kids go to sleep, paint pictures all over her body and then masterbate together and have a nice long bubble bath to wash the paint off when you are done.

or get something edible and smear it on her, dont just concentrate on her pussy and nipples though, try to get into more sensual area's, places that will make her giggle and smile when you lick it off, like behind her ears or the small of her back, behind her knees or elbows, on the sides of her breasts, along her rib cage...

if its a physical thing she has with penis's, try a toy, get her a smaller one, maybe one that vibrates so that she can ease into the actual penetration and use it for clitoral stimulation for a while first.

try things you have never done before, here is a tip, women find men who make them laugh a huge turn on. try something sillie like doing a little strip tease with some kind of outrageuously gaudy silver sequined stripper suit.

maybe take her shopping with you one day, have her pick out something sexy for you to wear to bed at night, and something sexy for her to wear too, tell her its not to turn you on and promote sex, but to make her feel beautiful and loved.

you could try other intimate things as well, just to bring the intimacy level up before you start trying to get back into the actual penetration, try shaving each other, try different sexy games, try watching some porno flicks together, and masterbating together if you so desire, maybe take some pics of each other, and be sure to tell her how sexy she looks in the pics, maybe make a short video of you two enjoying each other in a non kinky come fuck me now way. try drawing pics of each other, have each other pose nude on the bed and just go at it, who cares if youre a shitty artist or something, its all about teh sentiment.

gurls are suckers for sincerity, humor and passion, make us feel like we are your queen, let us know that u would wait for ever if u had to, and u will have a woman who will adore you for ever.

above all though, no matter what you do, you need to realize that its not normal for a straight gurl to not want to have sex ever. there is obviously a problem there some where, and if she is not willing to tell you what it is straight up, just accept that and try other things, but do NOT try to pressure her into intercourse, wait until she is ready for it.

good luck

ive tried much of this, but to no avil.
i find that the meer mention of anything intimate, aside from a kiss and cuddle, and shes off quicker than i dont know what. i havent pressured her into anything, ever, but i do get frustrated. imagine lying next to your loved one every night, and not being able to do anything. or being told that the meer thought of sex is disgusting. she has never had a problem before, and i have thought it may be connected with the ruggies, but im no doctor, so my opinion is probably way off. thanks for the advice though, much appreciated. goes for everyone. thanks.

 

[deuce]

Sorry dude, it might be my fault


See, I screwed the bitch a couple of weeks back....apparently my 'equipment' was too much for her pie.


She's just suffering from sore-cuntitis

She'll get over it

heh heh...first time ive smiled in a while, cheers

 

[deuce]

Re: The Truth.

Your woman is not your woman anymore.

She is already seeing somebody else.

The woman she wants you to stay away from already knows.

And yes, that second woman will want to sleep with you.

And I think you already know all of this intuitively.

Recommendation: Do something completely out of character that will fuck up the control and information games being played on you at present.

Your Invoice will follow.

Better daze ahead!

Lance Castor, Internet ManSage

i did suspect for a while, but asked her, and she was a convincing NO. (she is, quite possibly, the worlds worst liar, so im convinced)

also, she doesnt want me to stay away from this other woman, just not sleep with her, buti do hope this other woman wants to sleep with me. i probably wouldnt, but knowing that she did would definatly be a confidence booster.

please forward all invoices to a mr Bush, C/O The Whitehouse,
America. (just tell him its for me, it'll be sweet )

 

[gaigirl]

Re: Re: The Truth.

Also, she doesn't want me to stay away from this other woman, just not sleep with her, but I do hope this other woman wants to sleep with me. I probably wouldn't, but knowing that she did would definately be a confidence booster.

Confidence booster maybe but a trust buster for sure. Loved what Lancecastor said (and I love his avatar) -- I thought so too!

 

[Debbie]

Agreed, could it be a self esteem issue? As in since she had the kids she has put on weight/lost weight; feels less attractive to you? Will she talk to you at all about what is going on for her?


Counselling might help if she will open up to you.


Good luck.

*cough*

 

[deuce]

*cough*

my bad, sorry. i dont think it is a weight thing, as she is smaller now than when we were having sex, but her weight has been quite steady, and i think she looks great.

sorry for overlooking you, i bad, i thought i had incuded you in an earlier post, but no, it is just that i am , what the doctors call, a dick head.

 

[Debbie]

my bad, sorry. i dont think it is a weight thing, as she is smaller now than when we were having sex, but her weight has been quite steady, and i think she looks great.

sorry for overlooking you, i bad, i thought i had incuded you in an earlier post, but no, it is just that i am , what the doctors call, a dick head.

We are all human. No big deal.

There must be reason why she feels the way she does.
Suddenly deciding at a young age she doesn't want sex?
There is something we don't know that is going on.
I would try talking to her again, reassuring her that I did or did not want a relationship with her and sort some things out.

Good luck.

 

[deuce]

We are all human. No big deal.

There must be reason why she feels the way she does.
Suddenly deciding at a young age she doesn't want sex?
There is something we don't know that is going on.
I would try talking to her again, reassuring her that I did or did not want a relationship with her and sort some things out.

Good luck.

I try to talk, but she clams up, or starts shouting. and its spilling over into everyday life too. if i say anything she doesnt want to hear, or disagree with her, she changes the subject. its a pain, but i think she is trying to tell me something, just not sure if i dont know what, or dont want to know what. thanks for the help too.

 

[deuce]

Re: Re: Re: The Truth.

Confidence booster maybe but a trust buster for sure. Loved what Lancecastor said (and I love his avatar) -- I thought so too!

but i am fairly certain nothing would happen. i have enough confidence in my self to behave, but later on down the track...

 

[calypso_21]

I'm reading this and have been hesitant to reply. I know someone who this has happened to.

I will be frank with you. If she doens't want to be physical with you, it doesn't mean that eventually she won't want (note want not necessarily will) to be with another man. She may state now that she doesn't want to with anyone else, but deep down may just be trying not to hurt you. She may have felt certain feelings for you at one time and now doesn't feel the same. She may not even understand the depths of her feelings. She may love you but not be "in" love with you. This is very important. If she loves you merely as a friend and not also as a lover and the man she wants to be physical with the rest of her life...what kind of life is that? Is it one you will be happy with? Do you want your children to eventually learn that Daddy sleeps with other women and Mommy appears frigid to him? I'm sorry to be harsh but this is a discussion I've recently had.

If you both feel you are in love with each other, then seek counselling, it should help you. There are some great sex therapists out there too. However, if one of you is not IN love, a therapist will not MAKE you love each other. Love sometimes grows sometimes it dies.

Decide what it is here. It is not just you and her in this picture. You have children who's views on love and intimacy are also on the line. I'm sure there is more to the whole situation that I've read but I'm commenting on what you've posted.

I wish you luck hun. It is a very difficult position to be in.

 

[Guest]

 

[deuce]

calypso, thank you. your point about the kids views is one i have given alot of thought to, and i agree. i think i love her enough to not sleep around, in fact, i know i do. my kids are the most impotant thing in the world to me, and i wont hurt them. i will do whatever it takes to keep them happy. if that means no sex anymore, so be it. she says she does love me, that she doesnt know whats wrong with her etc, but i am loath to blame everything on her. takes 2 to tango, etc... i guess counselling, here we come.