Advice to Northerners...

[Bamarose]

This is a li'l something I've read quite a few times and thought it was cute...





Advice to Northerners moving, or visiting the South.


*Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use
it shortly.

*Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners
can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

*If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab
of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be
along shortly. Don't try to
help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

*You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know
the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to
find it yourself.

*Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is
plural possessive.

*Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

*Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
understand you, either.

*The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol", as in "big ol truck",
or "big ol boy". "Fixin'", as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store", is
2nd. And "Y'all" is 3rd.

 

[TWB]

Thanks. I think I will stay put up north.

 

[Bamarose]

but..but..we're so FRIENDLY down here

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

The girls are sweet too, they taste like wildflower honey.

 

[Bamarose]

We smell sweet, we taste sweet.. what more could you ask for? <sweet smile>

 

[KillerMuffin]

You missed the best stuff!

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.

Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

Do not buy food at the movie store.

If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.

Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

People walk slower here.

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.

If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.

In southern churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".

As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

 

[Bamarose]

The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

And don't take it all out. It would be a waste of time because you won't use even half of the winter clothing you own, and you'll be putting it back soon.

 

[CoolidgEffect]

You missed the best stuff!

...

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

...

This cracks me up, but is seems to be true. I lived in the extreme southern state of Maryland and made the mistake of going to the grocery story the when a dusting of snow was predicted the following day. It took hours to get checked out and I couldn't buy any milk, water or bread because it was already sold out!

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

There's another thing about southern girls....

It's a rule here.....all southern girls have to know how to make (1) Cobbler and (2) a gentleman's favorite drink and (3) to serve mint julips on a special May weekend.

There are other things they learn too, but those can't be discussed outside the boudior.

 

[missy2]

Sure are a bunch of rules down there.I think I'll stay here where my snowmobile won't overheat.

 

[morninggirl5]

There's another thing about southern girls....

It's a rule here.....all southern girls have to know how to make (1) Cobbler and (2) a gentleman's favorite drink and (3) to serve mint julips on a special May weekend.

There are other things they learn too, but those can't be discussed outside the boudior.

I've got 1 and 2. No mint juleps for me though, that particular weekend is reserved for Southern Comfort watermelon shooters.


begin southern accent

Ahre y'all tryhin ta make us ladies bluush, sihar? We couldn't discuss those other things in mixed company.


end southern accent

 

[Bamarose]

Plain ol' iced tea is always a good thing also