Advice; Swingers/Adult Clubs

[djyak]

Alright all you swingers out there. Hubby and I got invited to a swingers club, and we've never been, so we need some advice.

One; what should we wear to something like this? I've Googled the info, but it's better here. What should I wear, and hubby? I know they have changing places there.

Two; I'm not sure if we'll be participating in anything, other than being watched to shower, which is required to enter, all must be clean. Sounds cool to me. Is it alright if we just fool around? I'm sure we'll be getting turned on and watched, just not sure if we're ready for the "joiners" yet.

Advice? Please......

Tifani

 

[SweetErika]

You're generally free to wear whatever you feel comfortable and sexy in at most clubs. Some exceptions are special parties where a themed outfit or nudity is required. I'd ask the people who invited you or contact the club and ask the staff.

You are certainly not required to participate in any way. Every reputable club has a "no means NO" rule that's strictly enforced. That is, if someone extends an invitation,
"no thanks" from you should be the end of it, and there shouldn't be any uninvited touching. If you just want to watch or have sex with your partner, that's fine, although there may be certain "no voyeur" areas or whatever.

Most clubs have rules on their site and/or some sort of orientation for newcomers. Barring that, the SwingersBoard is an excellent resource that I'd encourage you to take advantage of.

 

[RAddams]

I think Erika answered your question well. If you already know the name of the club, check to see if they have a website. Clubs often have a faqs page that will let you know what to expect and how to conduct yourself. If you can't find a website you could try to find a phone number to contact the club with your questions.

Like Erika also said, "no means no" is a number one rule in most clubs. The second most common rule is that discretion must always be respected. So items such as phones with built in cameras are not allowed.

In addition to a central area with dance floor and bar, most clubs do have changing areas with secure storage for belongings. Some clubs also have separate areas where couples can go to play. These areas often have curtains and if they are open you can watch others having fun.

At any club the general expectation is that visitors and new members will only observe during their first visits. This new experience of just visiting to observe will likely be a big turn on for both of you.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

As Erica says, there *shouldn't* be any uninvited touching, but there often is. Most guys, whilst they're actually there, are usually far too shy/nervous/whatever to actually ask to join in. So, they'll touch lightly, check for your response, and go from there. If you're with your husband (or someone else if you do decide to get involved) it might happen. Just give them a look, tell them no, and they move on.

Sometimes, it's ok. Sometimes it's farking annoying. But probably worth being aware of it's possibility.

 

[djyak]

We're getting really excited reading your responses! And thank you, that's why we come here. We have checked out the website, got a lot of information and such. They have showers, and anybody that enters the club is required to shower, and change into something else if so desired I suppose. My thought is, just watching us shower should be a lot of fun!

The pictures they sent us look fun, and I'm sure they'll be some "touching" here and there, which is ok, and I'm sure we'll get all worked up while there. Like I said, I don't mind anyone watching us, just not sure if I want them to join just yet. But if it's like you said, being new, and I'm sure they'll pick up on it, we may just want to see what's it's all about.

We're very excited to try something new, and you guys are being great about helping us out...

Tifani

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

We're getting really excited reading your responses! And thank you, that's why we come here. We have checked out the website, got a lot of information and such. They have showers, and anybody that enters the club is required to shower, and change into something else if so desired I suppose. My thought is, just watching us shower should be a lot of fun!

The pictures they sent us look fun, and I'm sure they'll be some "touching" here and there, which is ok, and I'm sure we'll get all worked up while there. Like I said, I don't mind anyone watching us, just not sure if I want them to join just yet. But if it's like you said, being new, and I'm sure they'll pick up on it, we may just want to see what's it's all about.

We're very excited to try something new, and you guys are being great about helping us out...

Tifani

You should have a lot of fun!

 

[SweetErika]

We're getting really excited reading your responses! And thank you, that's why we come here. We have checked out the website, got a lot of information and such. They have showers, and anybody that enters the club is required to shower, and change into something else if so desired I suppose. My thought is, just watching us shower should be a lot of fun!

The pictures they sent us look fun, and I'm sure they'll be some "touching" here and there, which is ok, and I'm sure we'll get all worked up while there. Like I said, I don't mind anyone watching us, just not sure if I want them to join just yet. But if it's like you said, being new, and I'm sure they'll pick up on it, we may just want to see what's it's all about.

We're very excited to try something new, and you guys are being great about helping us out...

Tifani

If I were you, I'd talk to my spouse about what we were going to do with invitations for various things. For instance, do you want to tell a person or couple who invites you to do something sexual, "Thank you, I'm really flattered, and I'd like to confer with my partner before accepting," then step aside and share your honest feelings with each other?

I don't think it's a good idea to assume people will pick up on anything. Just be polite and open.

Another thing you need to consider and discuss with your husband is safer sex practices and STIs. Don't assume that people who have a lot of sex are strict about safer sex and frequent testing. DO assume that everyone there has at least one STI and act accordingly if you choose to interact with them. Some clubs provide safer-sex supplies (like the one I've been to has tables that contain condoms, lube, gloves, sanitizing supplies for equipment, etc. everywhere, as well as dental dams available upon request), but many don't, so it's very wise to pack your own condoms, dental dams and lube just in case you do decide to play with others. Also make sure everything is clean, the place uses hospital-grade sanitizer on surfaces, has a policy for changing linens, etc. Some clubs are WAY better than others in terms of cleanliness and promoting safer sex practices.

 

[djyak]

If I were you, I'd talk to my spouse about what we were going to do with invitations for various things. For instance, do you want to tell a person or couple who invites you to do something sexual, "Thank you, I'm really flattered, and I'd like to confer with my partner before accepting," then step aside and share your honest feelings with each other?

I don't think it's a good idea to assume people will pick up on anything. Just be polite and open.

Another thing you need to consider and discuss with your husband is safer sex practices and STIs. Don't assume that people who have a lot of sex are strict about safer sex and frequent testing. DO assume that everyone there has at least one STI and act accordingly if you choose to interact with them. Some clubs provide safer-sex supplies (like the one I've been to has tables that contain condoms, lube, gloves, sanitizing supplies for equipment, etc. everywhere, as well as dental dams available upon request), but many don't, so it's very wise to pack your own condoms, dental dams and lube just in case you do decide to play with others. Also make sure everything is clean, the place uses hospital-grade sanitizer on surfaces, has a policy for changing linens, etc. Some clubs are WAY better than others in terms of cleanliness and promoting safer sex practices.

Very good advice! My husband and I are going with another couple who have frequented there, and they have answered a lot of our questions, but you bring a whole lot more to light! I'm told from our friends and the website, those sanitary items are readily available, (aparently here in Italy it's controlled/regulated through the gov't), and dead on about STD's, can't be too careful!

tifani

 

[Runr4Life]

These folks on here are giving some fantastic advice. The place I frequent here in Germany is regulated also, so it is very clean with condoms and such readily available and within reach. The first time going can be a bit intimidating, but have fun with it and keep an open mind, and communicate constantly with your husband. What you like, if someone touches you, etc. Where I go, the people are not pushy at all, and the club is very classy, most everyone very friendly. The first time I went, the manager actually showed me around the place a bit, (especially only speaking some German at the time), explained the rules and how things work. It was an excellent experience, and always a lot of fun each time I go, sometimes just to meet with people.

Be safe, and have fun, know yours and your husbands limits (safe words are good), and if you do get with someone, explain a bit of what you want, communicate with them too.

 

[enigma3]

100% what Erika said. just go at your own pace and dont do anything you dont want to..........me and my ex were into it big time, it was fun

 

[mtrainer]

Your first visit......

All pertinent information has been stated above.
You and Hubby have talked it through.
You have accepted the invitation.

Get psyched for an evening of emotional
Rollercoastering like you havent experienced
since prom night ...

Have fun... prime directive..."Communicate"!!!!

 

[StrayKat]

Where I go, the people are not pushy at all, and the club is very classy, most everyone very friendly.

I have been in several clubs, in Germany as well, and all seem to be that way. A main rule is that nothing is required. Some regulars seem to come for a drink and talk only, I never saw them involved in any kind of action. Like a pub with different dressing etiquette.
Touching without a permission is frowned upon here, if it happens a word or even a look is generally enough to make them back off. If someone is persistent you have every right to complain to the owner (happened to me only once with a guy who couldnt resist chick on chick action, he was promptly escorted out).

Every such place I saw here has a sort of common room where people can just sit and drink, sex happens in separate bedrooms. The best thing to do in my experience is to take a stroll around, just to see who is there and what is going on. Then you can sit in a living room and discuss who you find interesting and how far you are willing to go. You can join some action right there if the vibe is right, but the best approach would be to talk with people first over a drink and get to know them a bit, in my opinion. Especially for a new person some intro would be a good thing to relax and break the ice.

I dont see the need for something like safe word, though it may come handy for the first time. If you dislike something just say so or excuse yourself. I do that whenever I feel something or someone doesnt suit me, sometimes I leave my husband to have fun and just watch or take a stroll on my own.
I never felt required to do anything but what I particularly wanted and enjoyed.

 

[Runr4Life]

I have been in several clubs, in Germany as well, and all seem to be that way. A main rule is that nothing is required. Some regulars seem to come for a drink and talk only, I never saw them involved in any kind of action. Like a pub with different dressing etiquette.
Touching without a permission is frowned upon here, if it happens a word or even a look is generally enough to make them back off. If someone is persistent you have every right to complain to the owner (happened to me only once with a guy who couldnt resist chick on chick action, he was promptly escorted out).

Every such place I saw here has a sort of common room where people can just sit and drink, sex happens in separate bedrooms. The best thing to do in my experience is to take a stroll around, just to see who is there and what is going on. Then you can sit in a living room and discuss who you find interesting and how far you are willing to go. You can join some action right there if the vibe is right, but the best approach would be to talk with people first over a drink and get to know them a bit, in my opinion. Especially for a new person some intro would be a good thing to relax and break the ice.

I dont see the need for something like safe word, though it may come handy for the first time. If you dislike something just say so or excuse yourself. I do that whenever I feel something or someone doesnt suit me, sometimes I leave my husband to have fun and just watch or take a stroll on my own.
I never felt required to do anything but what I particularly wanted and enjoyed.

Exactly, it's a fun experience, and yes, I've met couples there and all we actually did was drink and socialize, but the option for more was always there.

 

[djyak]

One more thing...........any ideas on what to wear. I believe they have changing places there too, so I could bring something.

Tifani

 

[SweetErika]

One more thing...........any ideas on what to wear. I believe they have changing places there too, so I could bring something.

Tifani

As I said, wear what you're comfortable with and you will feel sexy in (for yourself and your husband). If a dress or skirt makes you feel good, wear that to the club at least. If you want to go the lingerie route while you're there, go for versatility, like a bra and panty set with a light robe over it, so you have the option of covering up as comfort and temperature dictate.

Have you asked your friend what she and others generally wear? If not, that'd be a good place to start.

 

[infinity706]

I just wanted to say, unless you just happen to have dental dams or they're provided, you don't really need them. You could always just bring condoms and a pair of scissors. All you have to do is cut off both ends and cut it down the side to make a dental dam.

 

[djyak]

As I said, wear what you're comfortable with and you will feel sexy in (for yourself and your husband). If a dress or skirt makes you feel good, wear that to the club at least. If you want to go the lingerie route while you're there, go for versatility, like a bra and panty set with a light robe over it, so you have the option of covering up as comfort and temperature dictate.

Have you asked your friend what she and others generally wear? If not, that'd be a good place to start.

Excellent idea! I hadn't thought about the bra and panty set, and the satin robe to cover up with. Nice! And I do tend to get cold when I get nervous.

I did ask my friends, they usually wear a very sexy outfit to the club, and as things get going, they go and change. Think that' what I'll do, and bring the robe....

See, you can't get this kind of advice anywhere else....

tifani

 

[amofiga]

I've been following this thread with interest but I have some comments that will probably make me seem like a cynical pervert. I admit that I've never been to a singer's club and I do recognize the need to be cautious of STI's in today's world. However, with all the super precautions, where's the real joy? Please explain to me the great treat in eating pussy covered with dental dam or having your cock sucked while wearing a rubber? A big part of the joy of pussy eating for me is the taste and getting my face washed with girl juice, the greatest joy being a female ejaculator. A big part of the joy of a blow job for me is pumping my cum into a woman's mouth and know she's swallowing it or at least smearing it all over her face. For me, eating dental dam covered pussy would be like taping a rubber glove over a picture in Hustler and licking it. For a woman, I'd think sucking a condom covered dick to be like sucking a dildo. I once even had a woman tell me, "I prefer the taste of skin and hate the taste of rubber so I don't like sucking cock that way."

As a bit of a voyeur, I can see the rush in going to a swinger's club and watching flesh piles of people fuck like horny woodland creatures, but if I'm going to have to wear a rubber while somebody sucks my cock, it seems that it's not much different than watching a woman suck a dildo while I jerk off into a supermarket bag. Like I said, I've never been to a club and the only "group sex" I've ever had is via a couple of threesomes with people I knew well. There were no condoms involved and part of the joy for us two guys was watching our lady guest of honor gobble our cum after we played swicheroo with our cocks in her mouth and pussy. I've always fantasized about the swing club environment, but then sort of got turned off by all the "taking a shower in a raincoat" thing.

Like I said, sorry if I sound like a cynic. It sounds like a bunch of people who want to have sex but are so afraid of STI's that they don't even touch sex oragns. It's like these jerk-off parties I've heard about where people all jerk off or do themselves with dildos while everybody watches. It's more a voyeuristc thing and anything else. Is it more the "I've been there done that" sort of thing? I'd like to hear your thoughts since I'll probably never actually have the experience.

 

[StrayKat]

As a bit of a voyeur, I can see the rush in going to a swinger's club and watching flesh piles of people fuck like horny woodland creatures

There is your bias right of the bat. Do you think swingers are so horny they cant wait to get the chance to jump on anything that moves and fuck their brains out?
Do you think they dont pick and chose and actually pass the opportunity if they are not entirely happy with the looks or feel not quite comfortable with particular people? Do you think they rush to fuck just about any stranger they see as a free catch?

I have been in clubs for days in a row without doing anything but having a drink and talk with regulars. In time you can quite safely tell who is promiscuous and who is more of the "faithful" and picky kind. I dont think the owners would admit the entrance to the same couples for months and years if there was even a rumor about STDs going on. For some private clubs I went in frequently you needed a damn good recommendation from a well known customer. In all that time I saw pro Domme enter the club exactly once at the demand of regular pair and even then she was not involved in any close contact but a bondage show. Afterwards I heard the owner saying he was not exactly happy with the idea and asked the mentioned pair not to do that again. I am sure if there was any suspicion about something "fishy" going on he would have taken precaution.
No, you cant ask everyone who enters for a medical evidence but in a very private clubs its very unlikely anyone with some condition would be not recognized very soon and allowed to participate. In more public ones probably, but then you take your chance with all the rubber. Or take it slowly and actually pick who you deal with and make some kind of long term arrangements.

You take a risk every time you drive in your car. Heck you take a certain risk soon you get out of the bed in the morning. If you are smart and careful that risk is diminished. Same applies for swinger club, one night stand or even a long term relationship. You cant avoid all the risks in life. Common sense and not getting lost in fantasy about horny bodies jumping on heap right from the entrance can help a bit though.

 

[jenni7]

There is your bias right of the bat. Do you think swingers are so horny they cant wait to get the chance to jump on anything that moves and fuck their brains out?
Do you think they dont pick and chose and actually pass the opportunity if they are not entirely happy with the looks or feel not quite comfortable with particular people? Do you think they rush to fuck just about any stranger they see as a free catch?

I agree this perception of swingers is really frustrating. Just because they have the ability to play outside of their relationship doesn't mean its a free for all. Seriously they still have standards, they still are or are not attracted to others, and truthfully I think that a lot of swingers are more picky the the normal person b/c they tend to have a lot of options available to them where we can be choosy, because there's always a new opportunity around the corner.

As for the advice section on this topic here is what i have learned, always bring your own protection dont trust others to provide it. A lot of men will ask before they touch, for some reason they tend to ask the husband before touching the wife, I understand the respect part of this but they should ask the wife too (personal pet peeve sorry) If someone touches that you dont want to just say no or remove their hand, usually in these situations thats all it takes. Do not enter a group situation or bed if you dont plan on full contact with others, by going into that situation you are basically allowing contact b/c you joined in. Also remember you cannot control who is watching you or their reactions so keep that in mind, above all else enjoy and have a great evening. Don't participate if you don't want to and communicate with your partner your boundaries before you go. Communication is the key to a fun and safe experience.

Cant wait to hear all the naughty details.

 

[amofiga]

OK, I get part of what you're all saying....all swingers arn't horny little creatures. I do understand that some, perhaps most, are selective and even though I may have sounded quite naive in my earlier post, I have known some swingers and have had sex with them in a one-on-one context or in a threesome. Perhaps that even makes me an apprentice swinger by association. HOWEVER, physical involvement was after knowing them and actually having blood tests done as part of what was my and their regular screening. It wasn't a case of, "Hi how are ya? Wanna fuck?"

My image, naive as it may be, of "clubs" is what I've seen of the 70's fleshpot "Plato's Retreat" and some of the descriptions my friends gave me of some "orgy rooms" where the club just wasn't a "place to meet like-minded people for future relationships" but a fleshpile of indiscriminant sex with strangers. I grant you, that may not be the norm, and it's probably good if it isn't. In fact it goes to my earlier post asking what's the point of rolling in a fleshpile if you have to wear a raincoat and surgical mask?

Trust me, I'm not anti-swinging and I've fantisized about the club environment vicariously via my swinger friends. I've also enjoyed the reality of being with them in a more controlled environment. In fact, the notion that people can share open an sexual experimentation with others under controlled environments is more than just fine with me. HOWEVER again, if it's that controlled and closed enough that people truly do know each other and can trust each other, it may certainly remove some of the risks requiring the kinds of armor that has been talked about at what may be my naive vision of such clubs.

I do appreciate your comments. It's always good to learn.

 

[RAddams]

OK, I get part of what you're all saying....all swingers arn't horny little creatures. I do understand that some, perhaps most, are selective and even though I may have sounded quite naive in my earlier post, I have known some swingers and have had sex with them in a one-on-one context or in a threesome. Perhaps that even makes me an apprentice swinger by association. HOWEVER, physical involvement was after knowing them and actually having blood tests done as part of what was my and their regular screening. It wasn't a case of, "Hi how are ya? Wanna fuck?"

My image, naive as it may be, of "clubs" is what I've seen of the 70's fleshpot "Plato's Retreat" and some of the descriptions my friends gave me of some "orgy rooms" where the club just wasn't a "place to meet like-minded people for future relationships" but a fleshpile of indiscriminant sex with strangers. I grant you, that may not be the norm, and it's probably good if it isn't. In fact it goes to my earlier post asking what's the point of rolling in a fleshpile if you have to wear a raincoat and surgical mask?

Trust me, I'm not anti-swinging and I've fantisized about the club environment vicariously via my swinger friends. I've also enjoyed the reality of being with them in a more controlled environment. In fact, the notion that people can share open an sexual experimentation with others under controlled environments is more than just fine with me. HOWEVER again, if it's that controlled and closed enough that people truly do know each other and can trust each other, it may certainly remove some of the risks requiring the kinds of armor that has been talked about at what may be my naive vision of such clubs.

I do appreciate your comments. It's always good to learn.

Swinging clubs and the lifestyle are not right for everyone. With your obvious discomfort, it most likely isn't for you. Many clubs actually have an application process for this very reason.

 

[LibraStud]

I once went to a Christmas party. A lady business associate invited me to her company's party. I followed her there after work.

We arrived at a large home with pillars over the front porch and a semi-circular drive full of cars.

Upon entering the front door, I first saw large screen TV's showing porno movies. Then a spotted ladies walking around in exquisite nightgowns, some of which were easy to see thru. Maggie introduced me to her husband, who was the bartender and then left us alone. Her husband fixed me a scotch and he related how he was physically disabled due to a bar fight not so long ago.

A young lady approached me and asked if she could show me around. I said perhaps after I was finished with my drink. Maggie returned in a beautiful see thru gown with a man on her arm. She said that if a woman walked up to me and asked if I wanted to be shown around, that I should not say no, as that was very bad etiquette. This was their swingers club.

I finished my drink and left, although many times later I wondered if I should have stayed just to see what would happen

 

[StrayKat]

She said that if a woman walked up to me and asked if I wanted to be shown around, that I should not say no, as that was very bad etiquette. This was their swingers club.

That might have been some rich folk fancy orgy private party, not a swinger club. If you do not feel like doing something you dont do it, plain and simple, that is the only etiquette I ever saw in any swinger club I step my foot in.
Not to mention they are not always packed with beautiful ladies in exquisite negligees

 

[djyak]

I agree this perception of swingers is really frustrating. Just because they have the ability to play outside of their relationship doesn't mean its a free for all. Seriously they still have standards, they still are or are not attracted to others, and truthfully I think that a lot of swingers are more picky the the normal person b/c they tend to have a lot of options available to them where we can be choosy, because there's always a new opportunity around the corner.

As for the advice section on this topic here is what i have learned, always bring your own protection dont trust others to provide it. A lot of men will ask before they touch, for some reason they tend to ask the husband before touching the wife, I understand the respect part of this but they should ask the wife too (personal pet peeve sorry) If someone touches that you dont want to just say no or remove their hand, usually in these situations thats all it takes. Do not enter a group situation or bed if you dont plan on full contact with others, by going into that situation you are basically allowing contact b/c you joined in. Also remember you cannot control who is watching you or their reactions so keep that in mind, above all else enjoy and have a great evening. Don't participate if you don't want to and communicate with your partner your boundaries before you go. Communication is the key to a fun and safe experience.

Cant wait to hear all the naughty details.

I love all of this advice we're getting! I agree about asking the wife, and we've talked a lot about it, and he says I have the lead. I can't wait to see who watches us, that right now is the most exciting part, and who knows, maybe meet some other couples.

yes, I will give plenty of details for sure...

tifani