Advice/Suggestions

[zeus1026]

Hey all, I'm not new to Literotica, but I am new to the BSDM (new name). I'm finally seeing a girl that is open to BSDM. I'm very interested in being a Dom, and she wants to be my Sub. She has expressed interest in giving me "complete control", and wants to "be broken" but says it will be a challenge since she is "strong willed". We've already begun with some experimenting with "traditional" things. Blindfolding her; handcuffs/tying up; spankings w/ wooden spoons, a makeshift paddle, and a belt; insertions; some choking...

My question is: What is the next step to take? How do I "break" her? She obviously knows I won't REALLY hurt her, so how do I push the envelope to get us to the next level?

Thanks!

 

[rosco rathbone]

As father of the gods, you have known the answers since the beginning of creation.

 

[zeus1026]

As father of the gods, you have known the answers since the beginning of creation.

Well, isn't that useful....

 

[CutieMouse]

PYL = Pick Your Label (Dominant, Master, Top)
pyl = pick your label (submissive, slave, bottom)

First question -

Do you want to be in a power based relationship in which you have to work your ass off and fight for your lover's submission, or are you the sort who believes that the thing that makes a partner submissive, is that they submit. No major power struggles; more of a ying/yang thing.

Second point -

If she's telling you she needs to be "broken", she's the only one who can define what "break me" means. *To me* stuff like that reads like a snot nosed kid who hasn't yet made peace with their inner self*. To someone else it might read like hot role play. You know her... which is it? And what do you want?

Last point (for now) -

How much research have you put into breathplay? 'Cause that ain't exactly ho-hum lightweight BDSM you're playing with there.





*Personal opinion - it's hard to be either PYL or pyl if you aren't already comfy in your skin.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Traditionally, "breaking" someone means "to break the spirit". Think old-time military boot camp and you are getting at the right idea. That is intense psychological conditioning. Then, once they are "broken", you have to build that spirit back up. Again, it requires intense psychological conditioning.

Unless you are trained or equipped to deal with it, don't even try to go there. You will leave a very damaged human being in your wake.

 

[subwannabe]

I agree. It sounds like she wants you to break her mentally, not physically or necessarily sexually. I keep on telling my wife that that's what I want but she doesn't seem to be able to go down that road.

 

[seela]

Make sure you two have the same idea of what being broken means. Also, does complete control refer to bedroom only or does it extend beyond that? Sometimes it's not easy to feel like you submit if you only get to experience things that you love yourself. Is there something she feels a bit ambivalent about but you love? It could be as simple as her performing oral on you, if she isn't one to get off on it. Just make sure she knows you love it and that you don't care if she likes it or not. I'd be very wary of that being broken thing unless you're absolutely sure what she means with it.

For me, I take being broken very literally. It's being pushed so far that I don't want to look at him or sleep next to him, feeling betrayed and used. But in my (our) case he doesn't do anything special to bring me back up and I don't want him to do it either. Time fixes things and at this point we are secure enough in our relationship to give me time bounce back.

For me being broken isn't about me acting up and him breaking my spirit and forcing me to submit, but it's something else. It's a difficult topic for me to talk about because it's often looked down at and viewed as dysfunctional. I'm a masochist on an emotional level more than physical and I've noticed that's something people sometimes struggle to understand.