Advice: seeking older women

[Jordandoog6]

Hey I'm a 19 m and am looking to chat and find someone
Older than me but I'm not sure where to start.
Thank you.

 

[htester]

Hey I'm a 19 m and am looking to chat and find someone
Older than me but I'm not sure where to start.
Thank you.

I would say focus less on the age and also identify why you're looking to connect with someone older. There are multiple posts floating around discussing this.

Also, keep in mind older women operate differently from younger women, so if you decide to contact someone and say 'hey, here's my hot and horny dick,' you might not get a response (or one you expect).

OK. Let's be honest, that style intro really wouldn't turn anyone on (regardless of age).

So, just focus on connecting with a litter and treat them like a human. Don't ghost them, stalk them or badger them, if they turn you down. Act like an adult and definitely clarify why you a teenager wants to interact with someone older ( Is it b/c you want to recreate something Mrs. Robinson style) and indicate the age range that interests you - 70? 25?

Overall, be respectful , take it slow and maybe just reach out to those that interest you, if you don't do an ad --

 

[NightL]

recreate something Mrs. Robinson style

at 19 he won't know what the hell you are talking about

 

[Jada59]

at 19 he won't know what the hell you are talking about

Most likely true.

 

[Jada59]

How much older do you want and what do you want to chat about?

 

[Jordandoog6]

Hey thankyou I appreciate the help! I'm respectful and will take my time finding someone unique, I like lady's up to 55 just a natural attraction.

 

[klippert]

Hey I'm a 19 m and am looking to chat and find someone
Older than me but I'm not sure where to start.
Thank you.

You're 19...have a better grasp of the internet an SoSa media...find a dating site...there are 100's if not thousands....that is. " IF"you're looking to actually talk to a mature woman. then you better bone up on your conversation skills

 

[RustyHotDippedNail]

Let's talk reality.

Nothing at all wrong with a much younger man with an older woman...in theory...but the poster above touched on the fact that theory isn't reality in this situation.

The reality is that most of the time, when a younger man is looking for older women, it is because he is striking out with women his age. For whatever reason, they are rejecting him. So he turns to older women.

When that is not the case, it is more likely that the guy sees older women as a pathway to easy sex, with few strings attached. She may not see herself as easy, but these days, for most men, an older women is a far easier path to plentiful sex, than a girl his age.

I myself had many experiences with older women. With one, I suggested we go for coffee, the 2nd time we talked. She suggested coffee at her place. Within 15 minutes at her place, her top was off. Within 30 minutes, we were having sex on her couch. We had sex on and off all night, until 6 in the morning. 9 hours of on and off sex. She was 37, and I was 28.

I knew many guys who dated older women. Not one of them wanted anything long term.

Some women are OK with this. Fine...be honest with them. I was. I lost out on some sex, but I don't like to lie to people. Most women, I learned, had to believe that there was at least the possibility that it would be a lasting relationship. I knew that was not an option, as did every guy I knew...but they were willing to lie about it.

If you know you would not marry a much older woman...be honest with her about it. She might decline to have sex with you as a result, but that does not give you the right to lie to her. Some older women are OK with that. They like the sex with a younger guy, and will just take on the next one that comes along, when you leave. They know the score, and accept it, to get what they really want...sex with a younger guy. If they hit the lottery...a young guy who will fall in love with her..ok, so she wins, but she isn't waiting around to hit the lottery. Until then, she will take the short term relationships with each hot young guy, as they come.

You wouldn't want some girl lying to you, to get what she wants, and then breaking your heart when the truth is revealed...don't do that to older women.

 

[Jada59]

Let's talk reality.

Nothing at all wrong with a much younger man with an older woman...in theory...but the poster above touched on the fact that theory isn't reality in this situation.

The reality is that most of the time, when a younger man is looking for older women, it is because he is striking out with women his age. For whatever reason, they are rejecting him. So he turns to older women.

When that is not the case, it is more likely that the guy sees older women as a pathway to easy sex, with few strings attached. She may not see herself as easy, but these days, for most men, an older women is a far easier path to plentiful sex, than a girl his age.

I myself had many experiences with older women. With one, I suggested we go for coffee, the 2nd time we talked. She suggested coffee at her place. Within 15 minutes at her place, her top was off. Within 30 minutes, we were having sex on her couch. We had sex on and off all night, until 6 in the morning. 9 hours of on and off sex. She was 37, and I was 28.

I knew many guys who dated older women. Not one of them wanted anything long term.

Some women are OK with this. Fine...be honest with them. I was. I lost out on some sex, but I don't like to lie to people. Most women, I learned, had to believe that there was at least the possibility that it would be a lasting relationship. I knew that was not an option, as did every guy I knew...but they were willing to lie about it.

If you know you would not marry a much older woman...be honest with her about it. She might decline to have sex with you as a result, but that does not give you the right to lie to her. Some older women are OK with that. They like the sex with a younger guy, and will just take on the next one that comes along, when you leave. They know the score, and accept it, to get what they really want...sex with a younger guy. If they hit the lottery...a young guy who will fall in love with her..ok, so she wins, but she isn't waiting around to hit the lottery. Until then, she will take the short term relationships with each hot young guy, as they come.

You wouldn't want some girl lying to you, to get what she wants, and then breaking your heart when the truth is revealed...don't do that to older women.

That's a very mixed bag! I have never been with a man my age. I was with one who was much older and it was wonderful! Why? He, like me, was not stuck in a certain time frame. He was willing to try new things and listen to current music. Some of my older friends and even some of my age just stopped in the 1960's or 1970's in terms of music and other things. I get tired of people complaining about how it was so much better back then. I try to keep current!

All of the other guys I've been with were younger, but not a lot younger. Maybe 6 years or so. That usually seems to work out better for me.

I was talking to a much younger guy elsewhere online and I found him to be quite insulting. Told me not to go bowling because I might break a hip. Then didn't believe me when I told him how I liked to dance. He kept telling me certain tunes to put on to dance to then acted shocked when I knew the songs.

Another guy, this one IRL was also insulting me right and left but was clueless to the fact that he was doing it. He's 18 and was a friend of my gardener until he got too annoyed with him then cut ties. This guy kept calling me elderly. Kept grabbing at me like he thought I was going to topple over at any time.

Then he offered me some weed in the form of a blunt. He went on to explain what a blunt was. I turned down his offer and told him that I knew what a blunt was. He said he thought they were a new thing. I told him they weren't.

Then he went into a tall tale about how he tricked his mom. Said he drank all the vodka, then refilled the bottle with rubbing alcohol. I began to open my mouth but he flailed his hands, talked over me and said it worked because made it look like an accident and knocked the bottle over and it broke and spilled. His mom smelled alcohol so let it go. Again, I started to say that if his mom believed this, she was an idiot!

Instead, I just said something like... You know... There was a time when I thought everyone over the age of 25 was older than dirt. I remember that time. I'm just going to assume you're in that time. Then I walked away.

Everyone is different. I don't think we can assume the motives of another. I am older. I am not looking marriage. I never was, although I did get married and am now divorced. Even if a guy tells me right off the bat that he doesn't want to get married, that doesn't mean he might not change his mind. What scares me are the ones who ARE looking for marriage. That's when I run like the wind.

Maybe I am just too lax. I don't go into a relationship or a date or even a chat with parameters or expectations. If things are meant to be, they will be, and they will be good. That's all I need.

 

[RustyHotDippedNail]

That's a very mixed bag! I have never been with a man my age. I was with one who was much older and it was wonderful! Why? He, like me, was not stuck in a certain time frame. He was willing to try new things and listen to current music. Some of my older friends and even some of my age just stopped in the 1960's or 1970's in terms of music and other things. I get tired of people complaining about how it was so much better back then. I try to keep current!

All of the other guys I've been with were younger, but not a lot younger. Maybe 6 years or so. That usually seems to work out better for me.

I was talking to a much younger guy elsewhere online and I found him to be quite insulting. Told me not to go bowling because I might break a hip. Then didn't believe me when I told him how I liked to dance. He kept telling me certain tunes to put on to dance to then acted shocked when I knew the songs.

Another guy, this one IRL was also insulting me right and left but was clueless to the fact that he was doing it. He's 18 and was a friend of my gardener until he got too annoyed with him then cut ties. This guy kept calling me elderly. Kept grabbing at me like he thought I was going to topple over at any time.

Then he offered me some weed in the form of a blunt. He went on to explain what a blunt was. I turned down his offer and told him that I knew what a blunt was. He said he thought they were a new thing. I told him they weren't.

Then he went into a tall tale about how he tricked his mom. Said he drank all the vodka, then refilled the bottle with rubbing alcohol. I began to open my mouth but he flailed his hands, talked over me and said it worked because made it look like an accident and knocked the bottle over and it broke and spilled. His mom smelled alcohol so let it go. Again, I started to say that if his mom believed this, she was an idiot!

Instead, I just said something like... You know... There was a time when I thought everyone over the age of 25 was older than dirt. I remember that time. I'm just going to assume you're in that time. Then I walked away.

Everyone is different. I don't think we can assume the motives of another. I am older. I am not looking marriage. I never was, although I did get married and am now divorced. Even if a guy tells me right off the bat that he doesn't want to get married, that doesn't mean he might not change his mind. What scares me are the ones who ARE looking for marriage. That's when I run like the wind.

Maybe I am just too lax. I don't go into a relationship or a date or even a chat with parameters or expectations. If things are meant to be, they will be, and they will be good. That's all I need.

Right, like a lot of older women, you are like what I described. You take it as it comes, but don't expect anything long term. However, there are women who are determined to find a younger guy...for something long term. These women are simply in denial of the situation. I suspect there is just a tiny amount of that with you, but you do seem to be a bit more aware of it.

You see, most women who are successful with younger men, are and were, hot women. Above average at a minimum, when they were young...in their late teens through their 20s. So, they dated a lot, and went through relationships, and maybe eventually found the right guy. They assume that not a lot has changed. Over say, a period of 5 to 10 years, they go through a string of younger guys, and assume that it's just like when they were in their 20s. They assume that most of the guys they date, live with, etc...at least see the possibility of a long term relationship...as in, forever. I am saying that even a guy in his early 30s would move in with you, KNOWING that it is not forever, and just as soon as he either gets tired of you, or finds somebody he likes better, he is gone. I am saying that younger men almost always see the older woman as Ms Right Now...not Ms Right. Even if it's just a few years older, that's more often the case. And most of these women are not aware of this. Yes, occasionally, one woman hits the lottery. Others think they have, but like Ashton Kutcher, the guy got married without really thinking long term, and just like a live in boyfriend, he will eventually bolt.

Now...understand...it's the guys I blame most for this...being selfish, thinking about right now, and being willing to lead the other person on, to get what he wants.

The reality is this...too many women see younger men in an unrealistic fashion...thinking this is their key to lasting happiness, or that she is being the modern woman by focusing on younger men. The reality is still that relationships work best when the man sees the woman as his ideal. When he has at least a strong assumption that he can't do better, he wakes up, and acts like the man she needs him to act like. He puts in the effort needed, and does so gladly. This is far more likely to be the case when he is older than her. Not 100%, but far far more likely. What did Ashton Kutcher do? He married a woman 17 years older, and one day, woke up and realized he could do better, and very quickly it was over, and he ended up with a woman a little younger than him...Mila Kunis.

Unfortunately, the world we now live in, is creating a record number of cat ladies. At no time in Western History, have so many women reached the age of 50 without ever being married. And like it or not, that is not what they actually wanted. Which is why guys like Evan Marc Katz makes a fortune helping modern successful women, find love. Want to know a secret? His first mission with these women, is to get them to experience a paradigm shift...to wake up and see the world as it is, not as you want to see it.

He has a fairly famous quote that goes, "Your dating pool does not consist of people you want to date...it consists of people who want to date you." The same can be said for marriage. For men, the dating pool and marriage pool are mostly one and the same. For women, this is simply not the case, and I don't think most women actually understand this, because they think men aren't much different than them in this regard. Where as a woman likely won't even go on repeated, frequent dates with a guy she knows she would never consider for marriage...men will actually move in with you, and live with you for years, knowing they would never marry you. I don't like that this is true, but I won't deny the truth of it. Dating would be a lot easier, if men would stop doing this, but that isn't going to happen anytime soon. The reason of course, is that it won't because women aren't going to stop using their bodies to take a shot at getting one of those top 20 to 30% guys.

He has to find a way to gently make women who are not an 8+, understand that they are a 4, 5, 6, or 7, which they don't understand because they have had a whole lot of sex, and short term relationships with guys who are 8+. It is no easy task to get a woman who is a 6 or 7, to understand that she's not settling, when she accepts the overtures of a guy who is a 6 or 7.

Second thing he has to do, is convince them to stop dating younger guys. As he says, it's like playing the lottery as your retirement plan. Your odds aren't good.

So many women end up in their 40s and 50s, never having been married. They spent their best years refusing to settle for men who were actually their peers, either in looks, or age...and guys who are older...like up to 12 years older. A recent study showed that Millennials and Gen Z are having less sex than any other cohort group. But that's because so many men are now Incels. The top 20 to 30 percent of men are having record amounts of sex. This is the result of the sexual revolution. The higher on the list a man is, the more sex he can have, and the less interest he thus has, in getting married. This has been going on now for a few decades. Millennials and Gen Z didn't invent it.

The reality is that for women who want to get married, her biggest obstacle is her own unrealistic expectations.

 

[htester]

The reality is that for women who want to get married, her biggest obstacle is her own unrealistic expectations.

I almost agreed with you, but a woman having standards is probably why single women are happier according to a recent study. If she lowers her standards, she's stuck with a guy complaining she's too vanilla in the bedroom. For the young man, I would say, if you want to have sex, have realistic expectations and be realistic with your potential partner. There are a lot of guys on lit messaging women with 'hey u up?' who are shocked when a woman doesn't respond. So, up your game, be honest, and you'll have fun --

 

[RustyHotDippedNail]

What scares me are the ones who ARE looking for marriage. That's when I run like the wind.

This reminds me of a discussion among PUA's (Pick Up Artists). I found it by accident because I was looking for something regarding Korean women. These guys had all moved to Korea, and were now making a video about their experience. One guy laid the basics out, and the rest agreed with it, and then related personal experiences. This is what the guy said.

He said that he had become very adept at being a PUA, in the west...in the U.S., Canada, and even in the U.K. However, now he was in Korea, and for a good while, he was not experiencing the same success. The reason was that he was using what he had learned in the West. It relates directly to your words above. For a PUA to be successful in the west, he can't use what they call the direct approach. This means, being completely up front about everything. You have to make her think you aren't exactly, completely interested, and yet at the same time, be interested, and interesting at the same time. It truly is an art form in deceit. Some guys are naturals...likely from having a man, or men in his life, who taught them. Others have to learn later in life, how to play this game.

The reality is that men don't just one day, decide that they now want to marry a woman. Men know almost right away, what he wants with a woman. Not what he ends up with, but what he wants. In other words, he can meet a woman, and very quickly, he knows on some serious level, whether he wants a relationship with her. He knows this, often from first site, and then interacting with her will either reinforce that, or make him have second thoughts. The reason is simple...men have two core needs from a woman. He wants to like what he sees, and she has to make him miss her when he's not around her. Put simply, looks and personality. Men would love to be able to use the direct approach, but in western society, this usually doesn't work...unless for some reason she is already totally into him. Like if he's a celebrity.

OK, so this PUA stated that he was not having trouble getting first dates, but he was having difficulties getting second dates, and was finding it impossible to find a girlfriend. So, he went about finding out why this was so. What he learned is that it is literally just the opposite there. Playing the game...using "game," has just the opposite affect, and using the direct approach is what you have to do. Asian girls, IN ASIA, respond positively to the guy knowing his mind, and jumping in with both feet, from the very beginning. They don't respond to negging, and "game," like western women do. In other words, they want those guys who know they want to get married, very quickly...or at a minimum, a guy who makes it plain that he is looking for something serious.

When I heard this, it made me want to get on a plane and go there right away.

The other guys agreed that this is true, and that it was not limited to Korea. Most of Asia is like this.

 

[RustyHotDippedNail]

I almost agreed with you, but a woman having standards is probably why single women are happier according to a recent study. If she lowers her standards, she's stuck with a guy complaining she's too vanilla in the bedroom. For the young man, I would say, if you want to have sex, have realistic expectations and be realistic with your potential partner. There are a lot of guys on lit messaging women with 'hey u up?' who are shocked when a woman doesn't respond. So, up your game, be honest, and you'll have fun --

My point is that what actually works, for people finding somebody who will make a good life partner, has been turned on its ear.

In the past, when men had to court a woman, and be serious about his long term intentions, things worked. What made this happen was that women held out until marriage, for the most part. Sure not all did, but most did. What this did was make the highest quality men get serious about finding the right person. They got married, and then this allowed the women who were out of the running to now focus on the men would actually marry them. And so on.

That is the easy way to explain it, but in reality, people were pairing off with their peers all up and down the scale, because you learned very quickly where you fit in. The reason again, is that men did not waste time on women they were not serious about. He couldn't afford to. If he dallied around with women he was not serious about, other men were being serious with the high quality women, and he would eventually lose out. Easy, free sex, was rare to non-existent.

So women weren't being courted by men who weren't serious about her.


What you said is only partially true. Women seem happy...having a social life that includes dating and sex, with men who are out of their league. Hey, guys would be happy if their sex life included Playboy playmates, but when that happens often, what does that do to his mind? If he is a 6 or 7, can he be happy with a woman he should have paired up with? A woman in his league...a woman somewhere around a 5 to 7? No. He will think he should be able to get one of the hottest women.

That is what is going on with many women. They keep focusing on men that are NEVER going to marry them. In the end, they are NOT as happy as women used to be, and women in fact report lower levels of happiness than women did in previous generations.

The point I was getting at is that a woman who is a 6 or 7, is not settling when she "settles" for a man who is a 5 to 7. That guy is actually her peer...on the same level with her. The fact that unlike women, men are far more willing to sleep down, has caused her to think she deserves, and can expect better, than the guys who are her peers.

When it doesn't work out for them in their 20s and early 30s, they turn to younger guys, and continue with what isn't working.

 

[Jada59]

I almost agreed with you, but a woman having standards is probably why single women are happier according to a recent study. If she lowers her standards, she's stuck with a guy complaining she's too vanilla in the bedroom. For the young man, I would say, if you want to have sex, have realistic expectations and be realistic with your potential partner. There are a lot of guys on lit messaging women with 'hey u up?' who are shocked when a woman doesn't respond. So, up your game, be honest, and you'll have fun --

Yes, yes, yes! I never wanted to me married. I caved in to pressure from my parents to get married. They told me that people would respect me more and my life would change for the better. Okay... I got a daughter out of it, but overall, married life was miserable! He wasn't honest about anything and still isn't. He wasn't the right person for me at all. I realized that the minute we walked out of that wedding chapel.

I do remember that marriage was a goal for most of my female friends. They had no BF's or even guys asking them out. And yet? They were picking out rings and gowns.

I get along with most people and yet, I am picky. I won't date just anyone. I might give someone a chance despite my better judgement. That never works out. My first impression of someone is usually right.

But a message on Lit? Get me at the right time and you might get lucky. I'm more like a typical guy like that. Start pestering me and you won't get lucky. I guess I can be sort of random that way. Usually though, if the guy takes some time to read some of my posts and/or stories and begins messaging me in a friendly way and not a demanding "suck my cock right now" way. he has a chance.

One of my friends said that age is just a number. I agree. One of my favorite people on this earth just turned 22. He's my daughter's friend. He is gay so it's not a sexual/romance type thing. We just get along really great. I love spending time with him and vice versa.

 

[htester]

That is what is going on with many women. They keep focusing on men that are NEVER going to marry them. In the end, they are NOT as happy as women used to be, and women in fact report lower levels of happiness than women did in previous generations.

The point I was getting at is that a woman who is a 6 or 7, is not settling when she "settles" for a man who is a 5 to 7. That guy is actually her peer...on the same level with her. The fact that unlike women, men are far more willing to sleep down, has caused her to think she deserves, and can expect better, than the guys who are her peers.

Rusty, if you can forward on your explicit experience as a woman or the research from which you pull such unrealistic statements, I would love to see.

I get along with most people and yet, I am picky. I won't date just anyone. I might give someone a chance despite my better judgement. That never works out. My first impression of someone is usually right.

But a message on Lit? Get me at the right time and you might get lucky. I'm more like a typical guy like that. Start pestering me and you won't get lucky. I guess I can be sort of random that way. Usually though, if the guy takes some time to read some of my posts and/or stories and begins messaging me in a friendly way and not a demanding "suck my cock right now" way. he has a chance.

I agree I'm very random on lit. I try to hold lit guys to real world standards. But sometimes things I wouldn't reward in reality, might get a pass on lit (one missed assignation OK, sure, it happens - two might give me pause).

I haven't had the best of experiences with people new to lit, but if people do read my profile and use actual human grammar, I'll open the boards to say hey. But, if it's pretty clear we aren't kink-patible, then I try to be honest so they can find someone else.

So, back to the young man, who probably left lit weeks ago, being honest, direct and grammatically correct could possibly get you pussy for the night

 

[Jada59]

My point is that what actually works, for people finding somebody who will make a good life partner, has been turned on its ear.

In the past, when men had to court a woman, and be serious about his long term intentions, things worked. What made this happen was that women held out until marriage, for the most part. Sure not all did, but most did. What this did was make the highest quality men get serious about finding the right person. They got married, and then this allowed the women who were out of the running to now focus on the men would actually marry them. And so on.

That is the easy way to explain it, but in reality, people were pairing off with their peers all up and down the scale, because you learned very quickly where you fit in. The reason again, is that men did not waste time on women they were not serious about. He couldn't afford to. If he dallied around with women he was not serious about, other men were being serious with the high quality women, and he would eventually lose out. Easy, free sex, was rare to non-existent.

So women weren't being courted by men who weren't serious about her.


What you said is only partially true. Women seem happy...having a social life that includes dating and sex, with men who are out of their league. Hey, guys would be happy if their sex life included Playboy playmates, but when that happens often, what does that do to his mind? If he is a 6 or 7, can he be happy with a woman he should have paired up with? A woman in his league...a woman somewhere around a 5 to 7? No. He will think he should be able to get one of the hottest women.

That is what is going on with many women. They keep focusing on men that are NEVER going to marry them. In the end, they are NOT as happy as women used to be, and women in fact report lower levels of happiness than women did in previous generations.

The point I was getting at is that a woman who is a 6 or 7, is not settling when she "settles" for a man who is a 5 to 7. That guy is actually her peer...on the same level with her. The fact that unlike women, men are far more willing to sleep down, has caused her to think she deserves, and can expect better, than the guys who are her peers.

When it doesn't work out for them in their 20s and early 30s, they turn to younger guys, and continue with what isn't working.

I don't know about that! For me, if they claim to be in love and want marriage right away, they just want marriage. The guy I ended up marrying, did just want what his version of marriage was. Someone to cook, clean, shop, make money for him and look good. What did I get out of it? Nothing. I could have been anyone so long as I fit those parameters.

I had a life before I met him and suddenly he wanted me to give that all up. No contact with friends or family. And really only limited contact with him too. Someone to shut up and look good for when he needed a wife unit present for his career.

Other men have other reasons. One of which is a person to complete them and make them whole. Well... It just doesn't work that way. One needs to already be whole to be in a good relationship. If two flawed people get together, they can make it last, but there will be more struggles and unhappiness than need be. Such as sexless marriages and the old "My wife doesn't understand me" type thing.

I think if a person can't get beyond the first date with anyone, then the problem is likely theirs. Maybe they are socially awkward or have no self confidence. Or an annoying habit. One guy I know has a habit of sort of sucking on his teeth. I'm not entirely sure what he does but it's loud and off putting. He doesn't even know he's doing it. He has been married three times though. The problem there is that he is never faithful.

I have never thought if something wasn't working out to try a different age range. That just doesn't make sense to me. I don't think age has anything to do with it!

 

[NightL]

RustyHotDippedNail - that planet you are from seems a miserable place indeed.

OK what exact time period/century are you talking of for your ideal "how it used to be"? What country, what are the demographics of this world you so long for?

I'm curious, have you ever spoken to a woman in real life beyond dictating the RustyHotDippedNail philosophies of gender divide on forums?

I get the feeling you don't really like women at all.