Advice please....
- Thread starter Gilly Bean
- Start date
Gilly Bean
Princess Spanky Pants
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2001
- Posts
- 7,173
Well, he pays child support now, which I would hope he would still give us, but if he decides to be a dick about it, then yes, I will go after him for it. My mom I also hope plans to contribute some. Finachially, without help, we can swing it, but it would be VERY tight. The extra money would help alot.
Lekov
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2001
- Posts
- 240
We could swing it on our own? -grins- Somethin' tells me she wouldn't like the wardrobe affect. -thinks about $65 bathin' suits- LOL. I fully expect, and will enforce that they help... 'cause honestly, me working alone on 30k per year with a teen, wife and 3 kids, plus house payments, 20k in student loans and a car on life support would NOT be good. LOL
Lekov
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2001
- Posts
- 240
LOL, nahhhhh, gilly will let me play. Actually, I meant to say it will affect her sister's wardrobe. Gilly's pretty reasonable about clothes, but her sister here is given most things she asks for. Like $100 to buy a bathing suit for school. 
Man, I can't think of the last time I speant $100 on a wardrobe of clothes. 
hehe
Man, I can't think of the last time I speant $100 on a wardrobe of clothes. hehe
Weird Harold
Opinionated Old Fart
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2000
- Posts
- 23,768
Gilly Bean said:
Any notary can do a power of Attorney. They might be able to do a guardianship change also.
A simple statement from your mother that you are acting on her behalf in matters regarding your sister pending a formal change of guardianship, witnessed by two people should suffice for the school to start with.
It doesn't even need to be typed to be properly witnessed or notarized.
RawHumor
Creepers Gotta Creep
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2002
- Posts
- 57,560
Ahhhh... my bad. LOL
Something tells me that if this all happens, she'll be forced to mature rather quickly, and she'll soon find that being truly cared about is much more important than buying the best name-brand clothes.
The excessive clothes purchases MAY even be her way of trying to feel loved by her mom. A bit of a test of her love or something... Just a thought...
Something tells me that if this all happens, she'll be forced to mature rather quickly, and she'll soon find that being truly cared about is much more important than buying the best name-brand clothes.
The excessive clothes purchases MAY even be her way of trying to feel loved by her mom. A bit of a test of her love or something... Just a thought...
Gilly Bean
Princess Spanky Pants
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2001
- Posts
- 7,173
We could swing it, yes. And whether the money is helping or not, she isn't going to be living in the spoiled extravagence that she has been. Both parents answer to that girl, is to give her money, and let her spend. She doesn't need new jeans every week. She doesn't need $65 bathing suits. And most definatly... She doesn't need to be on a first name basis with every store in every mall in north america. Luckily, our nearest mall is almost an hour away. We don't go often, and only when we have extra money.
Brooke would likely being getting a set allowence for the week. She can save that up for extra's. If she needs some new clothes here and there, I will be more then willing to let her get some, here and there. NOT as often as she does now, which is a once a week thing. That girl has HUNDREDS of clothes, most of which she refuses to even wear.
Brooke would likely being getting a set allowence for the week. She can save that up for extra's. If she needs some new clothes here and there, I will be more then willing to let her get some, here and there. NOT as often as she does now, which is a once a week thing. That girl has HUNDREDS of clothes, most of which she refuses to even wear.
Gilly Bean said:
Just a further word of advice (and you know what you can do with that
) - If you are able to have Brooke live with you and there is no formal arrangement for the payment of support, you will have to apply to the county for aid. (Yeah, another word for it is welfare) You would qualify, as you would be Brooke's guardian. The county pays you aid, then goes after the parents to have them pay the county for costs incurred. I know some people don't like the thought of going on welfare, but your family would be entitled to this money, and besides, the county will get their funds from Brooke's parents. (sometimes through wage garnishment, sometimes through liens on homes, etc)
Also, you will be entitled to other services, including medical. This is important, as your current medical insurance provider will probably not cover her expenses.
These are just a couple of the reasons why you need to involve others into this process to make certain Brooke's rights are being maintained, and your family is not financially strapped because of generous hearts. There are programs out there to help. You just need to find them.
Again, good luck!
Lekov
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2001
- Posts
- 240
Thank you all, especially Sexy for the ideas. I will persue each and every, because you are right, she wouldn't get medical through us, and she does need it. And Gilly is also right. I don't spend $50 week on all 3 kids in clothes, no way Brooke will get that much on her own per week for designer.
hornylady
Ahead of the pack
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2001
- Posts
- 1,851
The more this develops, the more I sense that Gilly is getting the bit between her teeth, and heaven help anyone who stands in her way! It's really heartening to see a couple who are as in tune as you too are (and I'm not talking about the singing at the recent get together!!!), and I think Brooke is very very lucky to have you two fighting on her behalf. I've got my fingers crossed for all of you that it works out.
Gilly Bean
Princess Spanky Pants
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2001
- Posts
- 7,173
This is what I emailed my mom... and keep in mind, I kept 90% of my own feelings on my upbringing silent....
Ok, after reaqding what I wrote here, I know it came
out sounding alot more accusitive then I wanted it to.
I do NOT blame you for the situation, please keep that
in mind as you read. I don't want you mad at me for
finally saying this, I just want to help Brooke, and
you, in this.
It is fine that Tim wants to try. I just hope he
actually does try this time.
I know I don't really have much say in the matter
right now, but I just wanted to point out that the
longer she is at Kent City schools, the less of a
chance she has at salvaging her freshman year. She
will be more attached to the boyfriend down there, and
there's the chance of her getting more resentful over
hte entire situation. I have been in this situation,
Mom. And not to terribly long ago. I started skipping
school, skipping dance classes, skipping work...
anything I could to be with the guy everyone hated.
And it wasn't even that I liked him that much. The
more everyone hated me being with him, the more I
wanted to be with him. The longer it waits, the more
likely she is to be against the idea of moving, if it
happens. She doesn't have the help she needs, and at
the very least, I think she could benifit from going
to a counsler. A real one, not a school one. I think
both you and Tim should also go, if she stays down
there. One thing I know none of you realize, is it's
not all one persons fault. It's not just Brooke. It's
not just Tim, it's not just you. Each of you blames
another for it, but you all have contributed to what
is happening. You and her have similiar temprements,
and the need to have things done a certain way, so
that it benifits you each to the fullest. Well, when
she wants something, and you want something different,
sparks fly, a fight comes about, and you both blame
the other. She blames her dad for not wanting her
around, he blames her for not being the perfect child.
I think a group session of counsling is what you guys
seriously need to consider if you keep her down there.
She needs someone to talk to, someone who isn't
family. Everyone is all to ready to blame Brooke,
while she is quick to blame you two.
Mom, I don't want to sound like I am angry at you or
him, or her about this. I'm not. I am angry that the
situation has gotten so out of hand. Nick and I have
been talking since thanksgiving of 2000 about
approaching Brooke to move in with us, but until now,
we never had the space. We have seen since then that
things were going to deteriorate quickly for her. She
doesn't feel that you are there for her. What she
sees, is that your priorities are Ron, then his kids,
then work, then her. You give her all the material
things that she wants in the world, but she doesn't
feel that you give her any emotion. She only seems to
get attention when it's negative. She's going to act
out if that's what it takes to give her your
attention. It's gotten so that she has done it for so
long now, it's second nature to her. With John, we ALL
felt the same way. His kids came first. With Ron, she
feels that way. I can't speak for Jason or Ken, but I
personally am not around enough to notice if it is, or
not. The bottom line is, I think all three of you
really need to be able to sit in a controlled
environment, and talk things out. A nuetral
environment. That's where a counsler would come in.
She needs to know she IS a top priority. She doesn't
want to know that going away with Ron is more
important. She doesn't want to know that work is more
important. She wants to know SHE is.
I don't want you mad over this. I want you to just be
able to look at what should be done, because I am old
enough now to realize I would have benifitted from
something like that. I know she would, and in fact,
it's one thing I intend to do with her, if she moves
up here. I am supposed to start going to counseling
soon, anyway.
She needs help mom. You two need to stop thinking she
is the bad guy, and give it to her.
I havn't gotten a responce yet, and I ignored the phone (then shut the ringer off during it's incessant ringing) after 10 rings. I have a feeling it was her, and after writing something like that, I know I can't talk to her right now, not without telling her everything I feel she did to me. I just focused on Brooke for now, because I am past the point of needing help from her. Brooke isn't.
Ok, after reaqding what I wrote here, I know it came
out sounding alot more accusitive then I wanted it to.
I do NOT blame you for the situation, please keep that
in mind as you read. I don't want you mad at me for
finally saying this, I just want to help Brooke, and
you, in this.
It is fine that Tim wants to try. I just hope he
actually does try this time.
I know I don't really have much say in the matter
right now, but I just wanted to point out that the
longer she is at Kent City schools, the less of a
chance she has at salvaging her freshman year. She
will be more attached to the boyfriend down there, and
there's the chance of her getting more resentful over
hte entire situation. I have been in this situation,
Mom. And not to terribly long ago. I started skipping
school, skipping dance classes, skipping work...
anything I could to be with the guy everyone hated.
And it wasn't even that I liked him that much. The
more everyone hated me being with him, the more I
wanted to be with him. The longer it waits, the more
likely she is to be against the idea of moving, if it
happens. She doesn't have the help she needs, and at
the very least, I think she could benifit from going
to a counsler. A real one, not a school one. I think
both you and Tim should also go, if she stays down
there. One thing I know none of you realize, is it's
not all one persons fault. It's not just Brooke. It's
not just Tim, it's not just you. Each of you blames
another for it, but you all have contributed to what
is happening. You and her have similiar temprements,
and the need to have things done a certain way, so
that it benifits you each to the fullest. Well, when
she wants something, and you want something different,
sparks fly, a fight comes about, and you both blame
the other. She blames her dad for not wanting her
around, he blames her for not being the perfect child.
I think a group session of counsling is what you guys
seriously need to consider if you keep her down there.
She needs someone to talk to, someone who isn't
family. Everyone is all to ready to blame Brooke,
while she is quick to blame you two.
Mom, I don't want to sound like I am angry at you or
him, or her about this. I'm not. I am angry that the
situation has gotten so out of hand. Nick and I have
been talking since thanksgiving of 2000 about
approaching Brooke to move in with us, but until now,
we never had the space. We have seen since then that
things were going to deteriorate quickly for her. She
doesn't feel that you are there for her. What she
sees, is that your priorities are Ron, then his kids,
then work, then her. You give her all the material
things that she wants in the world, but she doesn't
feel that you give her any emotion. She only seems to
get attention when it's negative. She's going to act
out if that's what it takes to give her your
attention. It's gotten so that she has done it for so
long now, it's second nature to her. With John, we ALL
felt the same way. His kids came first. With Ron, she
feels that way. I can't speak for Jason or Ken, but I
personally am not around enough to notice if it is, or
not. The bottom line is, I think all three of you
really need to be able to sit in a controlled
environment, and talk things out. A nuetral
environment. That's where a counsler would come in.
She needs to know she IS a top priority. She doesn't
want to know that going away with Ron is more
important. She doesn't want to know that work is more
important. She wants to know SHE is.
I don't want you mad over this. I want you to just be
able to look at what should be done, because I am old
enough now to realize I would have benifitted from
something like that. I know she would, and in fact,
it's one thing I intend to do with her, if she moves
up here. I am supposed to start going to counseling
soon, anyway.
She needs help mom. You two need to stop thinking she
is the bad guy, and give it to her.
I havn't gotten a responce yet, and I ignored the phone (then shut the ringer off during it's incessant ringing) after 10 rings. I have a feeling it was her, and after writing something like that, I know I can't talk to her right now, not without telling her everything I feel she did to me. I just focused on Brooke for now, because I am past the point of needing help from her. Brooke isn't.
Gilly Bean
Princess Spanky Pants
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2001
- Posts
- 7,173
Her responce
Honey I realize everything you say is true & I already have a call into Dr. Armstrong's to get a referral to a counselor. As far as Tim participating I don't see it happening........but one can always hope. Her & I have done extensive counseling before outside of school and it has helped........And we will do it again..........
I don't think badly at all of you for giving me your advice, in fact I
welcome your input at anytime. I personally think that her coming up there with you guys may be just what she needs right now.....however I have to have Tim's blessing.....and right now he is not willing.
Love you dearly and I am listening.
Love
Mom
Honey I realize everything you say is true & I already have a call into Dr. Armstrong's to get a referral to a counselor. As far as Tim participating I don't see it happening........but one can always hope. Her & I have done extensive counseling before outside of school and it has helped........And we will do it again..........
I don't think badly at all of you for giving me your advice, in fact I
welcome your input at anytime. I personally think that her coming up there with you guys may be just what she needs right now.....however I have to have Tim's blessing.....and right now he is not willing.
Love you dearly and I am listening.
Love
Mom
