Advice Please

subtleone

Doing Sirs bidding
Joined
Jun 27, 2006
Posts
1,231
My husband and I have been having a lovely time for the last few years playing at BDSM, he is by no means a Master but is certainly masterful.
I have reached a point where I feel the need to move it on into a Ds relationship. I feel quite strongly about this but have not yet mentioned it to him as I am unsure if he would totally understand what this implies. Please could you advise me, what would you do? Direct him here and drop hints, be upfront but tell him that he could do with a little knowledge first?? :confused:
Thanks in advance
 
Do you understand what it implies?

I'll admit I'm relatively new to this myself, but from all I've seen so far... there's no dividing line when a relationship moves from Vanilla with a darker flavour to a D/s relationship. It's all shades of grey, not black and white.

What are you wanting to change about your current relationship? What, for you, is the difference between what you have now, and a D/s relationship?
 
ABX said:
Do you understand what it implies?

I'll admit I'm relatively new to this myself, but from all I've seen so far... there's no dividing line when a relationship moves from Vanilla with a darker flavour to a D/s relationship. It's all shades of grey, not black and white.

What are you wanting to change about your current relationship? What, for you, is the difference between what you have now, and a D/s relationship?

I've been lurking a while and I'm pretty sure my feelings for him are so strong that I want to give myself to him completely. I have to admit were a pretty much a try anything once couple and physically it wont change much...It's more of a mental attitude type of thing...does that make any sense to anyone?
 
How about a simple conversation of, "Honey, this is something I would like to explore more seriously, more deeply, with you. It'll be a learning process for both of us. Are you willing to share this journey with me?" Seems to me, once it's out in the open, some serious reading of educational materials would help him understand fully before he makes a commitment to take it deeper.
 
SweetCherry said:
How about a simple conversation of, "Honey, this is something I would like to explore more seriously, more deeply, with you. It'll be a learning process for both of us. Are you willing to share this journey with me?" Seems to me, once it's out in the open, some serious reading of educational materials would help him understand fully before he makes a commitment to take it deeper.

Excellent advice, and exactly the way I went about it 4 years ago. :) Worked out quite well for me... good luck and best wishes.

Oh and maybe try adding a completed check list to the equation. Soul's Haven has a good one where you can compare your answers side by side online or by printing your lists out side by side for comparison.

Again... best of luck to you. :rose:
 
Deed is done

No turning back now...well not by me anyway...

Took your advice Dixi and Cherry; Thanks
...he was a little unsure quite what I meant to begin with but after a few links to the websites posted in the library (Thanks) He has been researching quite studiously and has promised to learn as much as possible so that he can train me to become His. The prospect has me turned upside down and inside out but I am glad I had the 'courage' to go for it...with a little help from my friends :rose:
I have already had the checklist sent to me, he was mightily surprised at the speed I filled it in... ;)

May fill you in on the details later if you wish but at the moment I am too aroused, awakened, charged, delighted, eager, enthusiastic, feverish, horny, juiced up, nervous, on edge, on fire, passionate, roused, ruffled, steamed up, stimulated, stirred, thrilled, wild, worked up(delete as appropriate) to be eloquent!

Yes I did just quote Roget!!
 
dixicritter said:
Excellent advice, and exactly the way I went about it 4 years ago. :) Worked out quite well for me... good luck and best wishes.

Oh and maybe try adding a completed check list to the equation. Soul's Haven has a good one where you can compare your answers side by side online or by printing your lists out side by side for comparison.

Again... best of luck to you. :rose:
That's one of my favorite sites, dix. Glad you posted it here.
 
subtleone said:
No turning back now...well not by me anyway...

Took your advice Dixi and Cherry; Thanks

Excellent news!! :) It's nice to hear things work out once in a while.


A Desert Rose said:
That's one of my favorite sites, dix. Glad you posted it here.

I've always found really good information on that site too. :) As a matter of fact I went and updated my own checklist last night after I posted that link. :D
 
subtleone said:
No turning back now...well not by me anyway...

Took your advice Dixi and Cherry; Thanks
...he was a little unsure quite what I meant to begin with but after a few links to the websites posted in the library (Thanks) He has been researching quite studiously and has promised to learn as much as possible so that he can train me to become His. The prospect has me turned upside down and inside out but I am glad I had the 'courage' to go for it...with a little help from my friends :rose:
I have already had the checklist sent to me, he was mightily surprised at the speed I filled it in... ;)

May fill you in on the details later if you wish but at the moment I am too aroused, awakened, charged, delighted, eager, enthusiastic, feverish, horny, juiced up, nervous, on edge, on fire, passionate, roused, ruffled, steamed up, stimulated, stirred, thrilled, wild, worked up(delete as appropriate) to be eloquent!

Yes I did just quote Roget!!

Good luck! :)
 
Hi subtleone, congratulations and best of luck on your journey with your Master :rose:

I have wondered about this over the years but still can't see myself ever making the switch from sexual D/s to full time 24/7 D/s. I'm not sure what is 'lacking' in me because I have had no trouble submitting to my current and to my previous partner sexually. The idea turns me on, maybe it's failure I'm afraid of - or just the hard work! I envy you your confidence in making this choice, the pleasure it will give you and at the same time, I know I don't really want it for myself.

My relationship right now is too new for this level of committment so it's a moot issue but reading your posts and the strength of feeling you have over this had got me thinking again... :devil:
 
Musing said:
Hi subtleone, congratulations and best of luck on your journey with your Master :rose:

I have wondered about this over the years but still can't see myself ever making the switch from sexual D/s to full time 24/7 D/s. I'm not sure what is 'lacking' in me because I have had no trouble submitting to my current and to my previous partner sexually. The idea turns me on, maybe it's failure I'm afraid of - or just the hard work! I envy you your confidence in making this choice, the pleasure it will give you and at the same time, I know I don't really want it for myself.

My relationship right now is too new for this level of committment so it's a moot issue but reading your posts and the strength of feeling you have over this had got me thinking again... :devil:
Maybe there's no failure in you at all, doll. I've never wanted a 24/7-D/s thing. I see that as my preference, not a shortcoming or a failure. That's not to say that I might change my mind later on, depending on circumstances, but at this point in my life, it's not something I want or need.

Submitting has never been a problem for me, either. I can and do submit to the right Man. It's just that at this point in my life, I don't/can't/won't do it every waking moment. Perhaps down the road the right Man and circumstances might change all that... for me and for you.

Accept how you feel and who you are, NOW. Tomorrow is a different day and next year's another world. Things do change. But for the moment, if this is not something you can fit into your life, for whatever reasons, it's not a failing... it's a choice.
 
A Desert Rose said:
Accept how you feel and who you are, NOW. Tomorrow is a different day and next year's another world. Things do change. But for the moment, if this is not something you can fit into your life, for whatever reasons, it's not a failing... it's a choice.


Very wise words....we are all unique, therefore our needs and desires are all different, none necessarily better than the next, just different. Variety is the spice of life after all!!

Catalina :catroar:
 
A Desert Rose said:
Accept how you feel and who you are, NOW. Tomorrow is a different day and next year's another world. Things do change. But for the moment, if this is not something you can fit into your life, for whatever reasons, it's not a failing... it's a choice.

Absolutely perfect advice! 24/7 isn't for everyone, nor should it be seen as a short coming or failing. If everyone did the same thing this world would be a very boring place indeed.
 
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