Advice our parents gave us

[Hard_Rom]

Dad

A girl turns out like her mother.

Nails and screws are there only until the glue dries.

Mum

Never cut towards your thumb.
Always cut towards your chum.
Your chum you can replace.
But not your thumb.

 

[Colonel Hogan]

Why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free?

Turns out that was better advice than I realized at the time.

 

[raindancer]

Always wear clean undies when you leave the house, in case you get into a car accident. -my crazy, neurotic mother

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Hard_Rom]

Why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free?

Turns out that was better advice than I realized at the time.

Would you buy a car without a test drive?

Dad

Know a girl for a year.
Date for a year.
Live together for a year.
One year engagement.
Then marry her.

 

[Hard_Rom]

My parents told me sex was smelly and made horrid noises and overrated.

Parents aren't always right.

2 outta 3 ain't bad.

 

[RobDownSouth]

"Whoever says 'I Love You' first in a relationship loses" - Dad

 

[Darbhinder]

The good ones are behind the samosa wagon- hashtag's dad

 

[Not Normal]

Money talks, and bullshit walks.

 

[domroger]

Don't shit on your own doorstep .
More important don't eat the yellow snow .

 

[smoothg103rd]

The fuck?

 

[Darbhinder]

If'n yous git a bitch pregnant, give da bitch a fake name. -poppa smoot

 

[Not Normal]

"Always goose NotNormal when posting immediately after him." My Dad is such a goofnut.

Also: Always leave things better than you found them.

 

[Tryharder62]

The bigger they are the harder they fall and
A quitter never wins and a winner never quits.

 

[RoryN]

Anyone who says or implies that they're a "man [or woman] of their own time" probably isn't worth a shit. - Dad

 

[Noor]

Women should be armed and dangerous

 

[nerfhearder]

Dad: Get a job

Mom: Get a job

 

[juttjaw]

It's not the cough'n often that'll get you, it's the coffin they carry you off in that will....

Thanks Dad...

I really have no clue what it means, but I think of it every time I cough. I was 9.

 

[FGB]

Dad: Have no Friends nor Relatives.

Mother: Son, a woman is the most sneakiest, lyingest & meanest, dirty two faced sons a of bitches on the face of the earth... don't trust 'em for a minute!

Yeah...lots of therapy.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

My momma said, GIRLS ARE FOR WHEN YOU GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

It took me a lifetime to embrace her wisdom. As Frank Sinatra said of girls:

THEY OFFER A PLENTIFUL WASTE OF TIME OF DAY, A PLENTIFUL WASTE OF TIME

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjiVbaA1-sc

 

[neci]

you came from a long line of fertile german women. the first time you have unprotected sex, you will get pregnant.

 

[ishtat]

From Dad:

"No woman under 25 is worth talking to. But...."

 

[GrandpaBill]

Mothers Should Take Care of Their Adult Son's Needs

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/536_1000.jpg

"Tell your son to stop dating those nasty young disease ridden girls and stay home on weekends."

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/535_1000.jpg

"I am willing to take care of his sexual needs."

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/533_1000.jpg

"My son is going to fuck me now."

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/531_1000.jpg

"My son is really horny, so we do this every day of the week. After Church on Sundays the sexual excitement is even greater because it's forbidden."

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/530_1000.jpg

"Our intimate relationship is very special and satisfying for both of us."

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/528_1000.jpg

"After my son ejaculates inside me, it triggers my orgasm. I love my son and he loves me."

 

[RobDownSouth]

you came from a long line of fertile german women. the first time you have unprotected sex, you will get pregnant.

It's gotta be those good German breedin' hips.....
*nods*

 

[stickygirl]

"Run with those scissors - go ahead, you little fuck, RUN!"
"Don't come running to me if you break your legs"