Advice on writing from the (cis)male perspective

[Lady_Jane27]

Hello everyone! I am new to writing and now officially new to the forums. I have a new idea that I am working on. So far, all of my stories have been from the (cis) female perspective so it has been relatively easy for me to describe sensations/feelings. There has been a little male perspective but just in thought, not actually when it comes to having sex. But I have a new story idea that I feel like would work best from his perspective. It is a little intimidating.

Any ideas or tips for how to get started on writing from a point of view completely different than your own?

Thank you!

 

[lovecraft68]

Being male, when I write from the female POV I tried to spin it in the sense of what does my wife like/how does she respond to things that I do, and how would I describe it.

Sex is not a solo act(well...) I have never given head to a man, but had it given to me. How do I like it given to me? Then write as if I'm doing it that way.

I don't think its as complicated as people make it out to be, but like anything else, you may not hit the mark out of the gate, it takes some practice. I've been doing this for 12 years now and I want to say my stories are pretty close to 50/50 as far as POV goes

 

[EarlyMorningLight]

When writing from a POV that’s different from my own, I’ll go back to writers who write that perspective well, and pay attention to what they do.

Also, it’s worth keeping in mind that good writing about sex utilizes all of the senses. You may not know what it feels like to have a penis, but you can describe scent, sound, taste, and what your character sees.

Don’t get too hung up on it. Some descriptions of sensation are universal. “Her mouth felt incredible.” “I tried to push up into her, but she kept teasing me slowly. I thought I was going to lose my mind.” You don’t have to write precise, detailed descriptions of a specific sensation in order to write hot sex. Have fun, use your imagination, find ways to transpose what’s hot for you to your character’s experience, and then if you’re still unsure about certain details, maybe see if you can get a cis male beta reader to give some feedback.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Any ideas or tips for how to get started on writing from a point of view completely different than your own?

I'm male, and write many women, because they're the interest for me in my erotica. Usually, I write them around someone I know, or knew in the past. That gives me an erotic centre for their character, their personality, their physicality. Alternatively, they steam up from my subconscious saying, "Here I am, write me. Keep up."

So, if you're uncertain, base your male character on someone you know, write them as a person not a cliché, give them empathy, intimacy, feelings. Think into their character, which includes their maleness but that's not the only thing - ask yourself: are they alpha male, beta, submissive, timid, brave, whatever. Write them as an individual, someone (one assumes) you'd like to know.

What's their role in the story? Lead protagonist, lover, fantasy man? Writing them as a sexual being depends on who they are as a person, so write him as a person first. Then write about the sex. Start with coffee at lunchtime, end with sex in the evening.

 

[SimonDoom]

The best way to answer questions like this one for yourself is to read. Read some stories told from a cis-male point of view, find ones that you like, and observe what you like about them.

Men come in all different flavors. Focus on what you want the character to be.

 

[TheRedChamber]

The important thing to remember about men is that we have absolutely no emotions of any kind and care only about having sex with any and all nubile females in our given location (ordered by priority according to physical attractivness and irrepective of any positive or negative personality traits they may have). Also we fart and scratch our asses quite a lot.

Cynicism aside, it's quite hard to give any concrete advice without knowing at least something about the story you're writing. If your character is John Wayne riding through the desert and stopping in at Wild West bordello, we going to give different advice than if your character is Ralph Fiennes playing the rakish Fourth Duke of Wessex attending the debutantes ball.

The most important thing to remember is that the story and character should remain your fantasy. It doesn't necessarily matter in an erotic story if your characters are particularly authentic as long as they meet the requirements for hotness. I often find when reading stories written by women that I roll my eyes a bit when the male characters psychicly predict every want and interest of the female MC to give them their perfect date and then immediately open up to relay some tramatic past experience to given them a deep and meaning bonding relationship - but who am I to put a crimp on other people's enjoyment?

 

[LdyHoneybee]

The important thing to remember about men is that we have absolutely no emotions of any kind and care only about having sex with any and all nubile females in our given location (ordered by priority according to physical attractivness and irrepective of any positive or negative personality traits they may have). Also we fart and scratch our asses quite a lot.

Cynicism aside, it's quite hard to give any concrete advice without knowing at least something about the story you're writing. If your character is John Wayne riding through the desert and stopping in at Wild West bordello, we going to give different advice than if your character is Ralph Fiennes playing the rakish Fourth Duke of Wessex attending the debutantes ball.

The most important thing to remember is that the story and character should remain your fantasy. It doesn't necessarily matter in an erotic story if your characters are particularly authentic as long as they meet the requirements for hotness. I often find when reading stories written by women that I roll my eyes a bit when the male characters psychicly predict every want and interest of the female MC to give them their perfect date and then immediately open up to relay some tramatic past experience to given them a deep and meaning bonding relationship - but who am I to put a crimp on other people's enjoyment?

See that is what I want to avoid: the eye roll. I am not going to write farts and scratches onto characters I want women to receive positively, but I do not want guys rolling their eyes either. When i started reading the Outlander books the married librarians I knew were just gagasilly over, all i could think about the sexual parts of the story was “mommy porn.” How do you convey a guy having sex, desiring sex when he is head over heels for a woman he genuinely cares for without turning him into a female wish-fulfillment Puppet?How would that be different from the rake who will take every advantage that charm and station afford him to bed with anything mildly attractive in a skirt (Excepting kilts ).

 

[Carnevil9]

I'm a man, and I occasionally write from a female POV. When I do, I try to think of a female friend from real life who isn't too different from my protagonist, and then I try to write it as if she were narrating it. If I know her well enough, I think it might come off as authentic. Just my little trick that you are welcome to try out. I assume it will work just as well for a female-writing-male-POV as it does for male-writing-as-female-POV.

 

[Lady_Jane27]

Thank you everyone. There are a lot of helpful things here. I appreciate your input!

 

[Voboy]

Feelings and sensations are different for everyone. My suspicion is that no two women, nor any two men, would necessarily use the exact same words or ideas when asked to "describe an orgasm." It has many levels of meaning and sensation, and everyone having an orgasm perceives it differently.

I believe we can expand that statement to include almost any emotion, feeling, or opinion, because people are different. There are no monolithic males or females out there who can speak for the entire gender. So, as a writer, your role is to imagine you're in ANYONE else's shoes and tell your story accordingly.

I don't have any problem writing from a female perspective. I've always found it kind of fun. I've never worried about accuracy, and my readers seem to be happy to go along for the ride. Write the character you want to read about, whether that character has a penis or a vagina. Let its thoughts and reactions be their own. Make them jump off the page and be interesting, and if you do your part the character's gender will simply be one of many things that make people want to read about the people you come up with.

 

[Duleigh]

Research.
I read articles written by women from the female perspective and try to concentrate on what makes their thoughts and experience different from mine other than the obvious physical differences. I listen to conversations, and I watch people and see how they interact. The you have to take this huge hodgepodge of information and distill it into what fits you and your style of writing.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Think of all the men you've met in your life, or seen on screen or read about. Steal bits. IME making a character plausibly human and acting in a sufficiently plausible manner is key - being male or female is less important. There's perhaps different weights of expectations - men may feel obliged to be a breadwinner, more required to look like they are coping, less necessary to dress to impress - but even all those will be different for every character and affect them in different ways.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Writing male characters depends on the person he is supposed to be. Kind and caring people are different than those who are selfish and self-centered. Men, not unlike women, come in wide varieties. As stated before, take traits from people you know. Try and have different male types in your stories. A heartless bastard appeals (oddly enough) to some women. The kind of dangerous man who takes you on a thrill ride can be offset by the sort of fellow a straight woman marries rather than has a fling with. Then again, you have men that seem sensitive and kind but are 180 degrees from that. Abusers work wonders with their camouflage. A pimp presents himself as the whore's best friend, her protector. The truth is, she's far more likely to be hurt or killed by her pimp than a client. In fact, most women are in more danger from lovers than strangers. For that matter, men as well, are hurt by lovers more often than strangers.

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

Even if you aren't looking for a full collaboration, it would still be worth having a second opinion from an editor or proofreader.

Yes, I am available.

 

[jehoram]

It's the age old question of reality versus fantasy. In reality, a man's sexual urges are embarrassingly like what RedChamber described. His cock is pretty close to the average of 6" erect and maybe 4" soft. He sees somebody attractive, contrives to get in bed with him or her, unleashes his load into said person, and the urge evaporates. The orgasm is all about the penis, although it affects the rest of the body as well for a short time, in a single wave instead of the multiple-wave orgasm a woman can feel. There are men who go beyond this and take care of the partner's urges after their own lust is satisfied, but they are in the minority. I have to admit that I wasn't that sort of guy until a partner straightened me out and taught me better.

But in fantasy, a man is equipped with an impressive dick. When he gets the partner in bed, his stamina is remarkable, and can ride the tide until his partner climaxes, whereupon he allows himself to cum. Then he diligently attends to his partner's needs during his own recuperative cycle, which is remarkably short, after which he's ready to shag again. His sexuality can be tailored to whatever the partner wants... he can be aggressive or submissive, arrogant or sociable, and so on. And he's usually rich. Very rich. Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark rich.

So you can write the character any way you want. As for other character traits, there isn't much difference between men and women. Both can be ambitious, both can be fearful of commitment, both can be caring or insensitive. It's up to you to figure out what makes that character tick, and give him the attributes that bring him to life.

 

[LdyHoneybee]

It's the age old question of reality versus fantasy. In reality, a man's sexual urges are embarrassingly like what RedChamber described. His cock is pretty close to the average of 6" erect and maybe 4" soft. He sees somebody attractive, contrives to get in bed with him or her, unleashes his load into said person, and the urge evaporates. The orgasm is all about the penis, although it affects the rest of the body as well for a short time, in a single wave instead of the multiple-wave orgasm a woman can feel. There are men who go beyond this and take care of the partner's urges after their own lust is satisfied, but they are in the minority. I have to admit that I wasn't that sort of guy until a partner straightened me out and taught me better.

But in fantasy, a man is equipped with an impressive dick. When he gets the partner in bed, his stamina is remarkable, and can ride the tide until his partner climaxes, whereupon he allows himself to cum. Then he diligently attends to his partner's needs during his own recuperative cycle, which is remarkably short, after which he's ready to shag again. His sexuality can be tailored to whatever the partner wants... he can be aggressive or submissive, arrogant or sociable, and so on. And he's usually rich. Very rich. Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark rich.

So you can write the character any way you want. As for other character traits, there isn't much difference between men and women. Both can be ambitious, both can be fearful of commitment, both can be caring or insensitive. It's up to you to figure out what makes that character tick, and give him the attributes that bring him to life.

Do you think that would be “as written by a man” or “as written by a woman?” I wrote my “god characters” with “incredible stamina” but I wonder if a typical guy would not be laughable if invested with that kind of superpower, especially to guy-readers. I know that fiction is fiction, but unintentional humor is not particularly cool.

 

[EarlyMorningLight]

Do you think that would be “as written by a man” or “as written by a woman?” I wrote my “god characters” with “incredible stamina” but I wonder if a typical guy would not be laughable if invested with that kind of superpower, especially to guy-readers. I know that fiction is fiction, but unintentional humor is not particularly cool.

I think it depends on if you’re going for an audience that prizes fantasy or an audience that prizes realism.

I think a lot of men like to imagine themselves in the shoes of someone with superhuman sexual prowess, and seek out stories that play to that fantasy.

But if you’re going for realism, you might want to temper it.

 

[burgwad]

Be warned: I give weird advice.

Don’t underestimate the human capacity for accurately reading nonverbals. Watch porn where, ideally, they’re not just acting and focus on what’s happening with the guys. Facial expressions aren’t always in frame, but muscle tension is, and tempo, and breathing/vocalizations.

Watch gay porn, solo stuff, bi stuff, whatever, and watch how different male personalities like to be touched, treated, talked to, etc. Look at what little nuances tend to correspond with sending guys over the edge. It’s not just Time + Friction = Orgasm.

Women writing men bring a unique perspective to masculinity and male sexuality. This perspective is not inaccurate or lacking verisimilitude. At worst, it may deviate from agreed-upon narratives insecure men (and 99% of popular media) tell themselves about themselves: stoicism as virtue, emotions as labyrinthine, women as prizes. But so what? These stories are not objective truths. In storytelling, what matters is subjective truth, is that what you say is happening FEELS true. Here, again, is where the fact of your gender shines as an asset to your voice: what feels true to women about men is a highly, highly salable good. There’s what we can subjectively report to you, but none if this will be as interesting to you, or as fun for your reader, as what stands out to you personally, and what tickles your imagination, and what ultimately saunters back out onto the page.