Advice on Boys

[KisstheSky]

K, I wasn't sure whether to put this in the How To, or GB...but since I spend more time here I thought I'd ask you guys.
Ok, why is it that when I'm single I can't find anyone, but when I finally find a guy whether it just be casual dating or a serious relationship...they all come a running?
I need help choosing between them. I'm not sure if I want to rush into anything with any of them, but they're all looking for some sort of commitment. And I've never been in this position before. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I don't want to make the wrong decision....what should I do?
~Kiss~

 

[Void]

Oh how I'de love to comment but alas you know I can't..

 

[PtyLips]

Hey Sky,

I think if you figure it out you'll rule the world

I for myself think it's in human nature. What we can't have we want - what on the other hand is available, doesn't hold our interest.
It starts with the toys in kindergarten the other kids are playing with - thay are way more fun, continues with the bike I get for my birthday and that I wanted all my life - nothing compared to the mountainbike my neighbor got. I am certain thay stopped producing 'Tickle Me Elmo's only so everybody went crazy to find one.
Men are hunters, and unattainable prey is much more interesting...which doesn't mean woman are any different.

There is no real explanation I think...it's just a fact.
All you can do is: Let your heart decide, close your eyes, jump and go for it.

Just my 0.02 $

PtyLips

 

[ericred50]

(There is no real explanation I think...it's just a fact.
All you can do is: Let your heart decide, close your eyes, jump and go for it.

Just my 0.02 $ )

That is good sound advice, men are hunters, they are like a bee gathering honey, flitting from flower to flower. Only you can decide which is the one, if you can't make your mind up then you havent meet him yet. When you do,you will know, the birds will sing, the flowers will bloom, and you will be the happiest person alive. In the mean time have fun and enjoy the attention, because one day, you will want to settle down with him. You will find that after a while he changes, and the first rush of spring changes to summer, then autumn then winter. Enjoy while you can.

 

[ReadyOne]

There's something about attitude...

When you want someone, it seems to show. If it shows a much then people run away. I find people when I stop looking and act like my next relationship is a piece down the road.

When you have one going you don't look needy and you show more confidence, etc. and you're not trying anymore. People recognize the different attitude, put on on the "eligable" list and start hitting on you.

Such is the perversity of Nature.


As for commitment?

It's said that when someone decides it's time to get married, that they will get married to the best (or only!) person they can find at the time (who is also looking to get married).

It think that may explain a little bias toward people wanting commitment, but probably not near enough.

On the other hand, there seems to be this dichotomy -- people looking for a commitment on one side, users/players on the other side, and few friends/casual daters in the middle. IMHO.


As for how to decide...

If you are serious about wanting to get serious, then there's a couple of books. My favorite is Neil Clark Waren's "Finding the love of your Life" http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...1104431/sr=2-2/ref=sr_2_2/002-8882266-0014419

He wrote "Date...or Soul Mate? How To Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing In Two Dates Or Less" http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...=sr_1_18/002-8882266-0014419?v=glance&s=books if you want to come at it from a different angle.

Both are available at most public libraries.


If you're just interested in which one to keep around for a while, then tell them that you're dating around and they should accept that for a while and if, after dating around, you think they are worth getting with then you'll tell them. The corollary is that if they immediately bug off because you're dating around then they will loose any opportunity with you.

Just my $.02, and I may not have understood your post at all.

 

[Lust Engine]

It just might have to do with the confidence you display. When you're desperately looking for someone, you look desperate. When you're in a stable relationship, you're much more relaxed & self assured.

To me confidence has always been sexy.

It's my 2¢ worth.

 

[KisstheSky]

Thanks for your input guys, thats some great advice
They all have great qualities that I'd like in a bf but I don't know.
As for attitude....without intentionally doing so I'm a natural flirt, its like breathing-if I could turn off that part of my personality I'd probably be a lot better off lol.
Another problem is that I hang out with more guys than girls, we have more to talk about and I'm more comfortable surrounding myself with boys than what often seems to be "catty" girls.
There are a few exceptions girl-wise...most are bi or bi curious like myself and we have fun, but when I'm with the boys we play videogames talk about music, movies, etc....I don't really hang out with the jock type so sports don't usually come up because anything besides soccer, golf, and some basketball....or extreme sports I'd be lost LOL.
But anyways...hopefully things will work out, I'll keep you guys posted on the sit. if you'd like....thanks again for your advice

 

[UnseenChagrin]

Keep us posted. Just it enjoy it while you can. You don't have to make a commitment to any of them if you're not ready. Besides, competition brings out the best (and worst) in people.

 

[KisstheSky]

Keep us posted. Just it enjoy it while you can. You don't have to make a commitment to any of them if you're not ready. Besides, competition brings out the best (and worst) in people.

Hehe...thats very true...I'm already noticing who's the jealous type and who's the showoff/marking his territory type, oy.

~Kiss~

 

[UnseenChagrin]

Guys are fun aren't they?

 

[KisstheSky]

Guys are fun aren't they?

Oh yeah, and they think women are difficult to decipher, oy.
You know if guys weren't so terrritorial and willing to share this situation would be much more fun
~Kiss~

 

[Void]

Share with other men or other women?

 

[UnseenChagrin]

Share with other men or other women?

See, that's just something that makes little sense to me. Why is it a guy will get so crazy if his girl makes a pass at another guy, but if she were to fuck another girl he'd be totally excited about it?

In general, I look at this way. If I'm dating someone and they are fucking someone else without me (or my consent), male or female, that's cheating. I don't understand how people can make allowances for one sex but not the other.

 

[ReadyOne]

Sounds like most boys in that group are treating you as property. Don't allow it.

 

[Void]

I can understand a man not minding his g/f being with another woman because a woman doesn't have a dick..toys are not the real thing.

 

[ericred50]

I cant understand, a guy being jealous because his g/f likes other girls. It shows he is not sexual mature, but then Im bias, Im bi, i like men and woman, but not necessary in that order. With a man it is pure lust and a need, with a woman it is the need to satisfy her again and again, giving the pleasure she craves for until she cant take any more.

I'm also more at ease with women than men, we seem to relate with each other.

 

[UnseenChagrin]

I can understand a man not minding his g/f being with another woman because a woman doesn't have a dick..toys are not the real thing.

Whether or not someone has a dick shouldn't matter. They are still another person that your SO is pleasuring and connecting with. That's just my take on it. That's like saying "He's black so it doesn't matter." It just sounds silly to me. If you are going to commit to a monogomous relationship with someone then you are commiting to that ONE person, not that one person and his five best girlfriends.

 

[Void]

I'de rather have a monogamous relationship but sometimes you just have to wait and hope

 

[ReadyOne]

I'de rather have a monogamous relationship but sometimes you just have to wait and hope

Why, pray tell, are we falling into the trap?

Not the trap of love so much as the "instantly and forever" trap.

I get the impression that people think that the stage of "friends" is to be passed through as quickly as possible to get to the stage of "exclusivity". Spending time as friends is not bad. Spending time as friends can be good.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could do a couple of things in parallel? (Rhetorical question; between STDs and generalized (mostly female) programming things get complicated quick ).


PS: I had a friend once who claimed, "I'm serially monogamous. If that doesn't appear to be true, then shorten the sampling interval."

 

[KisstheSky]

Why, pray tell, are we falling into the trap?

Not the trap of love so much as the "instantly and forever" trap.

I get the impression that people think that the stage of "friends" is to be passed through as quickly as possible to get to the stage of "exclusivity". Spending time as friends is not bad. Spending time as friends can be good.

I couldn't agree more. I have plenty of friends who go on dates with several guys, they aren't exclusive with any of them they just go out and have a good time.
Commitment can be a good thing-eventually, I'm just not ready to jump into an exclusive relationship right away, thats how people get hurt.
I want to know what I want for myself and out of the relationship first. It may sound selfish but its how I feel.
~Kiss~

 

[Void]

I'de say something but you're sitting next to me

 

[KisstheSky]

Oy....

 

[Romial]

Oh yeah, and they think women are difficult to decipher, oy.
You know if guys weren't so terrritorial and willing to share this situation would be much more fun
~Kiss~

That's because they are.

 

[Void]

It's in our nature and guys that sleep around are considered players and I've listened to women bitch about players for years.

 

[ericred50]

I'm listening and making notes, but as I see it, "Why can't a woman be like a man?" A man never complains, if she is late for a date, he doesn't get up set when she says "I have an headache". Men are not unreasonable and they are understanding, careing, and thoughtful. They don't get upset when she doesn't notice your new hair style, or when she forgets your birthday, why can't a women think like a man. I mean may be I'm to perfect, but men dont argue do they?

I am smiling, and I do have a tongue in my cheek, (much rather have a cock though). Yes I am Bi sexual.