Advice Needed

[Guest]

I have been married 12 years. We have no children. I love my husband but there has been some difficult times.

I met a guy through work a year ago. He made me feel attractive, sexy and alive again. He is also married. To cut a long story short we started an affiar.

I care for my husband, but I'm in love with my lover. We did'nt mean to fall in love, it was supposed to be just fun. But this ca'nt go on because inocent people are being hurt. The thought of not being with my lover is awful and I cry all the time. But I feel I owe my marriage a second chance. This can only happen if I ebd the affiar.

Here are my questions:
1. Have you left a much loved lover to save your marriage?

2. Did you cut off all contact or remian friends?

3. Did you manage to save your marriage?

4. Did you confess your affiar to your partner?

Thankyou for your help.

 

[Guru]

 

[patient1]

Regarding #4

I think if you end the affair to stop hurting innocent people, the 2 of you should carry your guilt to your graves.

Yes, confession is good for the soul, it ends your guilt trip, but it piles the pain on your innocent spouse. It's cruel to tell them if they are blissfully ignorant & you didn't infect them with anything.

 

[Laurel]

What Guru said. Work on your marriage. Go to marriage counseling if that's what it takes...but don't be lured away from the "same old same old" by the prospect of something new. No relationship stays new & exciting forever. You say you're not "in love" with your husband, but no couple stays in love constantly. Relationships take work, and they aren't always exciting, but jumping from one new lily pad to the next will leave you feeling very dissatisfied and alone.

Stop and think about what you're missing with your husband, and try to introduce those elements back into your relationship. Do you miss the spontaneity, the romance, the fun? TALK to him about what you're feeling. Be HONEST and non-accusatory. LISTEN to what he has to say. COMMUNICATE. You may find that you CAN have it all in your relationship, with effort.

And for gawds sake, drop the lover. Cut ties completely if he's too much of a temptation.

If you both put months of serious effort into the relationship and you're still unhappy with your husband, it may be time to end it...but don't jump ship for Mr. Funguy Loverboy or down the road you'll find yourself right back where you are now, only with Loverboy in the husband's shoes and some new guy tempting you away.

 

[OpposingBalance]

Sounds like you're just looking for justification through other peoples experiences to make yourself feel better for something that you know inside was wrong.

 

[Siren]

 

[OpposingBalance]

Exactly.
There are few things in this world that I hold sacred.
The sanctity of marriage is one of them.

 

[YogiBare]

Gosh, Laurel. Your advice-giving puts we professionals to shame.

What the very wise lady said.