Advice needed...

[toffeegyrl]

Sorry in advance for rambling.

I gave head after 10 days from meeting New Guy. (Was caught up in the moment, was feeling sexy (but not enough to have sex, wanted to do that for him, and had a head full of French red wine.) Four days later, I'm at his house, and he's asking for it again. I was not feeling sexy, nor did I have anything to drink -- and I was feeling put upon (to the tune of "Is this something you're going to ask me everytime I come over?") and declined (a polite 'no', which I thought was fine). He was obviously disappointed and I feel more than a little a)slutty and b)like "that girl who's only good for giving head."

I'm not promiscuous (despite sometimes wishing I had the constitution for it), and I haven't had many partners (only 1, in fact). If he wanted to just have sex, that would have been fine, I cound believe that. But he's assured me "I don't want to just have sex with you". This, added with his actions (only watches TV when I come over, and wants to get me undressed asap)

Of course, I've heard the "I really care about you" bullshit before, from Bastard "here are 20 reasons you can't be my girlfriend even though I said I loved you" Keith. I can't trust New Guy because I don't know him well enough to (yeah, yeah, but i Knew him well enough to suck his dick, right?) but I can't go back and try to get to know him because I've already begun the sexual activity.

And now for the questions...

1.is this salvageable? In other words, is there a way to bring this up without seeming a)prudish or b)otherwise to blame? If not, How can I let him down gently, in such a way that will make him think he thought of it?

2. My ex and I disagree on this: Is it not true that after sex, it's all over? There's nowhere else to go afterwards, nothing to look forward to. (There is a definite difference of opinion along gender lines on this one)

3. What do men really think of women who do this kind of thing? (Fellatio after a week- 10 days, etc.)?

Thanks in advance...

 

[phrodeau]

Blame the wine. Make it clear to him that you blame the wine, and what you did wasn't normal. Don't drink with him again. When you're comfortable about having sexual contact with him, do it sober so he'll know it's real. Save the wine for special occasions when you want to get wild.

 

[funspirit]

be open and honest- the best precedent you can set

 

[Olivianna]

1.is this salvageable? In other words, is there a way to bring this up without seeming a)prudish or b)otherwise to blame? If not, How can I let him down gently, in such a way that will make him think he thought of it?

2. My ex and I disagree on this: Is it not true that after sex, it's all over? There's nowhere else to go afterwards, nothing to look forward to. (There is a definite difference of opinion along gender lines on this one)

3. What do men really think of women who do this kind of thing? (Fellatio after a week- 10 days, etc.)?

Well, regarding your first question - I guess ask yourself whether there is anything you're really interested in salvaging here. I mean, it doesn't sound like you're too thrilled here. If you feel that the possibility to develop a light, casual friendship is now made more difficult because of the recent sexual activity - or, that you can't get to know him on more serious terms for the same reason - well, this could be due to your own lack of faith in being straight up with him, or maybe you just really don't want to pursue this thing at all. I think it can't hurt to be honest with him - if you'd like to get to know him in a hands-off manner, well just explain that. Sure, your position may not be consistent here - I mean, you did hook up recently - but so what? There are no fast and steady rules in relationships. There's also your attitude - if you feel that there is nothing to look forward to after sex has been accomplished, then maybe that negative outlook has more to do with your own framework than in any kind of statistical summary of relationship trends. Anyway, I think that if you click with someone, then the sex thing (that is, when it happens) doesn't have to be of great consequence. If you really dug him and felt comfortable with him, it wouldn't be a big deal, I think (whether you had sex on the 1st date or months later). The bottom line - are you really that into this guy anyway? How do you feel about the fact that he turns on the TV or tried to undress you when you visit him? Trust your gut instinct.

 

[asenath]

He seems like an ass. I say forget him.

 

[BgMma]

You seem like a pretty smart lady, so I think you already know the answer to this.

You did say something that stuck out in my mind. He wants you to come over, then he basically wants you to sleep with him when you do.

That is a sign of a man who does not care. If he did, he would be willing to talk with you, to ask you about any interests you may share....if it's all TV and bedtime, this guy is a jerk.

You have class and dignity. Find a man who appreciates it.

Keep your head up, lady. You are on a good path.

 

[Guest]

 

[Mr2U]

It sounds like he's only looking for sex, if he was really into you he would be taking you out, meeting his friends, showing you off (in the being proud to be with you sense)... not just asking you to come over and watching tv.

 

[Monazwx]

No matter what happens, set the record straight from the get-go.

 

[GrittyRingo]

Tell him to go down on you first!

 

[MyPussyServedPink]

RE: U go girl!

Hello toffeegyrl,

First of all - I love you writing and hope you do many more stories.

LOL We have all done stuff like this and I used to kick myself for my questionable judgment. A guy friend of mine said something that made sense to me. "Men don't sit around and worry how the lady is going to take what they say. The outcome will be the same either way. Just say what is important to you and it'll either work out or not."

YOU decide what is important to YOU and if he cares for you -- what you say to him will matter. If you talk to him and it doesn't work out? No problem. You just saved yourself a lot of time and heartache. Now get busy and write us a new story! )

Hugs,
PussyServedPink

PS Let us know how your doing and how it turned out if you would please. )

 

[MyPussyServedPink]

RE: OOPS!!!!!

Me again

I have no idea how those yawning faces go on my post???? Oh duh here I go again! Disregard those little devils!!! This happened to me once before! (Eyes rolling to the ceiling leaning back so breasts aren't on the keyboard!)

PussyServedPink

 

[Lancecastor]

I feel more than a little a)slutty and b)like "that girl who's only good for giving head."

I'm not promiscuous (despite sometimes wishing I had the constitution for it), and I haven't had many partners (only 1, in fact

Instead of talking about Him, what He thinks, whether you should talk to Him...etc etc etc....let's talk about You for a minute.

It sounds to me based on the extracted quotes above that you'd like to have more experiences... and to not feel badly about having more sex than you've been having.

Having been with two men doesn't make you a slut or a blowjob grrl.

Spending every Fri-Sun nite at the club getting loaded and going down on so many guys you can't remember their names or whether you sucked them in the alley, their car or the parking lot...that would make you a slut.

If you want to go down on this guy because you get a blast from having his cock in your mouth...you should suck him whenever you like.

If you're putting out because you want to do him a favour...you're headed down the wrong path, pun intended.

Do what you want. Meet some guys. Have mind altering sex with whoever turns your crank.

Lance

 

[Rubyfruit]

blowjob grrl

Where do I apply for that job?

 

[AgentAika]

such a shame....

Toffee, it is such a shame you are having a negative experience with this guy.

I have been in similar situations and believe me, in the end you are the one that is gonna miss out. He will start to see you as his property - and whilst in a master/slave relationship that isn't a bad thing, I think in yours it would be.

I cannot see how if he really likes and cares for you why he does not want to do things for you. Sitting in front of the TV night after night is not really the way to keep a girl interested.

I think you need to to be up front with him as some of the others here have suggested and tell him exactly how you feel about the whole relationship/blowjob issues.
I think you should also make it plain that if he wants a relationship with you then he needs to show you some respect and not expect you to get your clothes off for him anytime he wants.

He should be taking you out and having fun - you should both be having fun, not stuck indoors night after night....goddess, even married people go out occasionally!

Forgive me for saying this but it does sound to me like he could be using you. Please don't allow this to happen to yourself...you are worth far more than that.
You are a kind and sensitive young woman who deserves to be treated like a goddess....don't let this guy tread all over you.

My apologies if he is a nice guy - obviously he is not here to defend himself but reading what you have written, he sounds like a bit of an arse!

As for the ex-blokey......I feel very sorry for him. Nothing after sex??? Is he mad?
What about love?
Adventure?
Excitement?
Discovery?
Companionship?
Being comfortable and safe with a person?

Alas, I fear he will never know such things if he continues with his attitude.
Remember, the sex may come first but it can develop into a loving sexual relationship which is often so much more fulfilling than sating the animal instinct.

If you really want some advice, forget the ex and the current guy, wipe the slate clean, go out and have some fun and if anything happens with anyone, accept it for what it is and ENJOY it.
No recriminations, no reproaches....just enjoy your life.

It is your life, so live it Sweetheart.

Feel free to PM me or email me if yu want a chat anytime, ok?