Advice from a big man . . .

[MissBonita2012]

I have started dating a big guy (probably 450+). He is an amazing man and I really enjoy spending time with him. We have messed around a little, but not had sex yet. I’m very ready to move forward and the other night I thought we were moving in that direction and he turned all the lights off . . . ok, I know you can have sex in the dark but I really want to see him while we have sex. I love looking into my lovers eyes as he slides into me and when he cums. Some of my friends have told me they prefer the lights out when they have sex because they don’t want the guy to see their cellulite or lumps. I’m a big women . . . I really would prefer he not see those things on me either, but since I love seeing him I try to ignore the fact that he can see me (kind of childish I know . . .). I’m sure men have similar insecurities about their bodies, but I really find this man sexy as hell and I want to get that message across to him in a way that he knows I’m being genuine. I would appreciate any suggestions you might have to help me out. If you don’t feel comfortable posting on this thread feel free to PM me.

 

[MissBonita2012]

Could you start out slow and work up to full light. Maybe a few candles here and there to start with, then next time a few more, then maybe a dull lamp on the other side of the room, then one a little closer, or one curtain open a little crack if it's during the day.. you get the picture. As his comfort increases, slowly turn up the lights.

That is a great idea, I don't know why I didn't think about that. Thanks

 

[blulilacgrl]

but I really find this man sexy as hell and I want to get that message across to him in a way that he knows I’m being genuine.

Can't really top Rainshine's advice. Especially not without knowing the guy and how he approaches his weight.

Just two things. Without knowing him and how he approaches and feels about being big, I can't say how to talk about it or handle situations that come up. BUT I will say in regards to this situation to remember that quite often what makes someone feels sexy happens way outside of the bedroom. It's holding hands while walking down the street, treating each other with respect, kissing and flirting, and public displays of affection (again assuming he is someone who is into that).

I will be honest. As a bigger woman I didn't put stock into anything anyone did behind closed doors. I assumed that in public a guy I was with wouldn't act as if I was "with" him. But what made me love and feel sexy when I was with hubby was the fact that when we are out together, his hand is in mine and he stays with me. His arm is around my waist, his hand is in my back pocket, around my shoulder, teasing my hair, and hundred other things that say we are together. Basically his hands are always on me.

I can't say that PDA will make your guy feel sexy only you can. But I can remind you that sexiness doesn't begin nor end in the bedroom.

Good Luck to you two!

 

[AdjectiveNounVerb]

Speaking as a ~350 lb man, I can say Rainshine and blulilacgrl have given good advice. Basically, show him you think he's sexy.

Also, there may have been other reasons he turned the lights off - but I can only speculate about them: he may have thought you'd prefer the lights off (as you said, you'd prefer he not see parts of you), he may be accustomed to that, he may not have realized you were planning to have sex with him and just thought you were planning on cuddling to sleep with him...

 

[haurni]

I definitely agree with the last three posts. My gf is a big girl I'm not exactly skinny myself. When we're in public I like to hug her and touch her and squeeze her, and when we're in bed I make a point of nuzzling and caressing and kissing her belly and her ass and the other places I know she's self-conscious about to show her that I love all of her. Telling your lover that they're attractive and sexy and actually demonstrating it is, I think, the way to go. You can also just say straight out that you're turned on and you'd like to see your partner when they fuck you or whatever it is you're doing (because it's so sexy, because I want to see you put your cock in me, because I want to look into your eyes, because I like to watch you when you cum, etc etc).

 

[IrishFun69]

I definitely agree with the last three posts. My gf is a big girl I'm not exactly skinny myself. When we're in public I like to hug her and touch her and squeeze her, and when we're in bed I make a point of nuzzling and caressing and kissing her belly and her ass and the other places I know she's self-conscious about to show her that I love all of her. Telling your lover that they're attractive and sexy and actually demonstrating it is, I think, the way to go. You can also just say straight out that you're turned on and you'd like to see your partner when they fuck you or whatever it is you're doing (because it's so sexy, because I want to see you put your cock in me, because I want to look into your eyes, because I like to watch you when you cum, etc etc).

You're a good man. I have found that when I am dating, at the start I will point out the "out of place" things, for example a little belly, just so she won't get too confident and leave when things don't go so smoothly. Then I gently build her up and tell her how much I love the parts she may think are unattractive. That way she is more into me as I am one of the only guys who see her beauty.

Maybe you should try this approach in the future. Good luck my friend, you're a good guy

 

[blulilacgrl]

You're a good man. I have found that when I am dating, at the start I will point out the "out of place" things, for example a little belly, just so she won't get too confident and leave when things don't go so smoothly. Then I gently build her up and tell her how much I love the parts she may think are unattractive. That way she is more into me as I am one of the only guys who see her beauty.

Maybe you should try this approach in the future. Good luck my friend, you're a good guy

Are you effin' shittin' me?! Your "technique" is to break her down and then make her dependent through a series of manipulative and fraudulent practices?

Wow. And women wonder where the good guys are...

 

[IrishFun69]

Are you effin' shittin' me?! Your "technique" is to break her down and then make her dependent through a series of manipulative and fraudulent practices?

Wow. And women wonder where the good guys are...

And men wonder where the ladies are using such vile language. Equal society and all that jazz hunny.

 

[AdjectiveNounVerb]

when we're in bed I make a point of nuzzling and caressing and kissing her belly and her ass and the other places I know she's self-conscious about to show her that I love all of her.

She doesn't tell you something like "stop touching my fat"? That's what happens all too often when I try nuzzling or caressing or kissing my girlfriend's belly.

 

[blulilacgrl]

And men wonder where the ladies are using such vile language. Equal society and all that jazz hunny.

Oh darlin' trust me I didn't use nearly the amount of vile language I wanted to when it comes to man talking about mentally and emotionally degrading a woman for his own selfish needs. But I can if you'd like me to.

 

[Bramblethorn]

And men wonder where the ladies are using such vile language. Equal society and all that jazz hunny.

Using cuss words is not remotely comparable to PUA slime playing on a woman's insecurities to get into her pants.

 

[unregistered]

 

[haurni]

I have found that when I am dating, at the start I will point out the "out of place" things, for example a little belly, just so she won't get too confident and leave when things don't go so smoothly. Then I gently build her up and tell her how much I love the parts she may think are unattractive. That way she is more into me as I am one of the only guys who see her beauty.

Are you effin' shittin' me?! Your "technique" is to break her down and then make her dependent through a series of manipulative and fraudulent practices?

Gotta agree with Blulilacgirl here, one hundred percent. And you wonder why you got flamed in the other thread about your co-worker.

I never brought attention to my gf's figure verbally aside from mutually acknowledging that we are not exactly skinny people and that our weights are irrelevant to our relationship (a discussion that's pretty much inevitable in a world that insists on thin as a standard of beauty). I didn't talk about it, I showed her what I thought by taking the initiative to deliberately demonstrate affection and sexual interest specifically involving the parts about which she was sensitive.

She doesn't tell you something like "stop touching my fat"? That's what happens all too often when I try nuzzling or caressing or kissing my girlfriend's belly.

Not quite so bluntly, but I can see that happening with some people. I could tell that she was initially embarassed, and I'd back off but then kiss or cuddle her and tell her how attractive or sexy she is. In that situation I'd say something like "I love cuddling with you" or "I love your belly" or "You have a wonderful ass" or something similar. Then I'd go back and do it again later. Positive reinforcement! Being able to relax and be comfortable with your partner and knowing that they're attracted to you despite your perceived 'imperfections' makes a relationship so much easier and more enjoyable, not to mention encouraging sexual experimentation (which is far less likely if your partner is critical of you).

 

[IrishFun69]

Gotta agree with Blulilacgirl here, one hundred percent. And you wonder why you got flamed in the other thread about your co-worker.

I never brought attention to my gf's figure verbally aside from mutually acknowledging that we are not exactly skinny people and that our weights are irrelevant to our relationship (a discussion that's pretty much inevitable in a world that insists on thin as a standard of beauty). I didn't talk about it, I showed her what I thought by taking the initiative to deliberately demonstrate affection and sexual interest specifically involving the parts about which she was sensitive.

To each their own, that's fine. Do you still find her attractive? If you do rock on. Is she only slightly overwieght or obese? If she is more perhaps it may be better to be cruel to be kind so it would encourage her to lose weight for health reasons.

Take care dude.

 

[Bramblethorn]

To each their own, that's fine. Do you still find her attractive? If you do rock on. Is she only slightly overwieght or obese? If she is more perhaps it may be better to be cruel to be kind so it would encourage her to lose weight for health reasons.

"Oh my god, you're right! I'm fat and I never realised it! If only somebody had pointed this out years ago! Thank god you did, now at last I can do something about it!"

- things you will never ever hear a woman say.

Chipping away at a woman's self-esteem might encourage her to do something about her weight, but it's very unlikely to encourage her to do something HELPFUL. Insecurity is more likely to encourage a cycle of unhealthy worthless diets and/or comfort eating.

 

[IrishFun69]

"Oh my god, you're right! I'm fat and I never realised it! If only somebody had pointed this out years ago! Thank god you did, now at last I can do something about it!"

- things you will never ever hear a woman say.

Chipping away at a woman's self-esteem might encourage her to do something about her weight, but it's very unlikely to encourage her to do something HELPFUL. Insecurity is more likely to encourage a cycle of unhealthy worthless diets and/or comfort eating.

Thanks.

 

[MissBonita2012]

Thanks

Thanks everyone for the advice. I am pretty affectionate in general and I haven't been able to keep my hands of this guy so he has plenty of evidence that I find him attractive. I love to kiss, hug, snuggle, and nuzzle him in public and private. I think he was a little uncomfortable with the public affection at first but I notice he has started to do those things with me as well. I did take some of the advice given and made sure I started telling him how attracted I am to him and I asked about why he turned the lights out. He didn't really answer the question, but he didn't turn out the lights the next time. I tend to be pretty shy myself but I have been pushing myself to be more open and share with him what I'm thinking and feeling. I don't like playing games, but I sometimes wonder that I'm being too open. He is sexy as hell to me, all of him, and I'm so fortunate to have him in my life.

 

[Eilan]

You're a good man. I have found that when I am dating, at the start I will point out the "out of place" things, for example a little belly, just so she won't get too confident and leave when things don't go so smoothly. Then I gently build her up and tell her how much I love the parts she may think are unattractive. That way she is more into me as I am one of the only guys who see her beauty.

How long does it take for women to see that all your ugly is on the inside?

I saw it the first time you posted here.

 

[haurni]

I love to kiss, hug, snuggle, and nuzzle him in public and private. I think he was a little uncomfortable with the public affection at first but I notice he has started to do those things with me as well. I did take some of the advice given and made sure I started telling him how attracted I am to him and I asked about why he turned the lights out. He didn't really answer the question, but he didn't turn out the lights the next time.

Congrats. Just don't push too hard or too fast. Keep an eye on his reactions because there may be some things he's not comfortable with (yet). Best of luck.

 

[Lisalit13]

I love bigger men....more to love.....

 

[IrishFun69]

How long does it take for women to see that all your ugly is on the inside?

I saw it the first time you posted here.

Insulting me in this manner also highlights your ugliness.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Eilan]

Insulting me in this manner also highlights your ugliness.

I'm okay with that.

 

[Emerson40]

Insulting me in this manner also highlights your ugliness.

Good to see your working on mending fences and making friends. Keep up the stellar work!