Advice as One-Liners

[BarnabySchmidt]

This is the first thread I am starting here. I think it'd be interesting to see what kind of "how-to" advice we could come up with as one liners (preferably witty one liners). While I had sex on my mind when devising this topic, I don't think it should necessarily be limited to sex, but then again, I don't think we should make it so broad as to encompass all things under the sun. Anyways, I digress. These things shall work themselves out. I shall start it off (rehashing an earlier posting of mine) with some words of wisdom for men (and perhaps women, though I cannot speak from personal experience):

"The surest way to prolong sex is by trying to have an orgasm."

 

[Quoll]

Communication is about listening not talking.

 

[EJFan]

i'm going to think about this one for a bit... but i wanted to say that this could become a collection of fortune cookie fortunes. anyone know how to make the cookies? we could all be rich!

 

[Guest]

 

[Casey811]

Go to bed with itchy ass, wake up with smelly finger.

 

[phoenix1224]

Man who loses key to girfriend's apartment gets no new key (nookie)...

Seriously...

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." - Forrest Gump

 

[Guest]

 

[Slightly AsQ]

I can't claim to have made this one up, but I thought it was pretty good:

A little pain never hurt anyone.

 

[Tighter]

Sex is the easiest and quickest way to destroy a friendship.

 

[Eilan]

What a great first thread! (No, that's not my advice.)


Don't do anything you can't spell.

 

[SweetErika]

Don't do anything you can't spell.

Are you telling me I shouldn't masterbate and have an orgasim?

 

[Guest]

judge not, lest ye be judged

 

[TBKahuna123]

Here's one for all the short dicked men out there:

"Actually I'm hung like Snuffleupagus, the problem is only Big Bird can see it."

 

[Eilan]

Are you telling me I shouldn't masterbate and have an orgasim?

I sure am. You should avoid beastiality as well.

 

[Pyro Paul]

my signiture has the 2 best 1 liners ive ever heard. (or made up i forget if i made em up or heard em some where... so long ago..)

 

[montrealgirl]

This is courtesy of a workmate:

"If you want to get laid, you don't wear Birkenstocks"

 

[Lavared]

If you're going to be dumb, you'd better be tough.

 

[dcraz]

Be good or be good at it

 

[Pyro Paul]

Good things come to those who wait. better things come to those who take.

it only hurts a little while.

if you feel like no one cares that you exist, miss a car payment.

 

[dcraz]

Stupidity SHOULD be painful

 

[baldbull]

hey MG, check PM

 

[dcraz]

Better to remain quiet and be thought the fool than to speak and remove all doubt

Not sure of the origin or exact, original wording - often attributed to Confucious (sp?)

 

[oddity83]

If you can't be lucky in love, at least have fun with it.

Somebody somewhere has done something dumber.

Genetics thats why.( My Dad hates it when I tell him that)

You seem to have a case of IDIOT!

It was like that when I got here.

It will fit, trust me.

 

[Qina]

There's no such thing as normal.

But I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me! -Dr. Seuss

 

[Halo_n_horns]

"Blow" is just an expression, sweetie. You gotta suck that fucker.