adding a third?

[cumhungry]

my bf and i have started talking about experimenting with adding another female to the mix........i've never had any experience with other women, never found myself attracted in that regard (well not entirely true...i do remember one drunken nite with this absolutely adorable woman in my car).......but since we started talking about it, i've allowed myself to be open to the idea and what I'D like.......

i realize tho that thinking about and fantasizing about some stuff can be vastly different in real life. thinking mostly like the jealousy thing. i mean i love the idea of watching him fuck "her" - up close and personal - but what if he starts enjoying it too much, ya know?

curious what your thoughts and experiences are........then there's the whole WHO part. do i just pounce on the first cute chick i see and drag her home....? do we go looking together? i think i'm a ways from just saying honey, you go hunt one up............then there's issues of safety, health, condoms? no condoms? our place? hotel? seems like the planning could take some of the fun and spontaneity out of it.

 

[SweetErika]

First off, welcome!

I'd strongly suggest following the instructions for searching here (in the FAQs Before Posting sticky) and digging up the threesomes threads, because there's a lot of invaluable advice, including all of the things you need to think, talk about and plan for, in those. So, I'll address your specific questions, but won't repeat all of the stuff you'll find with ease.

i realize tho that thinking about and fantasizing about some stuff can be vastly different in real life. thinking mostly like the jealousy thing. i mean i love the idea of watching him fuck "her" - up close and personal - but what if he starts enjoying it too much, ya know?

Yes, jealousy is definitely an issue, and you should be prepared to deal with a significant amount. Also, expect him to enjoy it "too much" -- how will you feel, and what will you guys do if that happens (or something like feelings develop, he wants to do it again, etc.)? Basically, prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.

curious what your thoughts and experiences are........then there's the whole WHO part. do i just pounce on the first cute chick i see and drag her home....? do we go looking together? i think i'm a ways from just saying honey, you go hunt one up............

I'm guessing you haven't looked into this at all if you think it's going to be that easy. There's a hell of a lot of competition for 'single' women willing to do this, and those women are few and far between. I'd suggest starting with personal ads on multiple sites, as well as contacting women who indicate they're looking.

I'd look and select together, but I suppose that's personal preference. Chances are, any woman who's into this will be more receptive to ads and communication with both of you, instead of by him.

then there's issues of safety, health, condoms? no condoms? our place? hotel? seems like the planning could take some of the fun and spontaneity out of it.

OF COURSE CONDOMS, even if all of you have a clean bill of health. What happens if he does get an STI? Are you prepared for that?

Then there's the issue of pregnancy. How do you two feel about him fathering a child with her? You certainly can't count on birth control or her terminating if she were to get pregnant. What will you do if she has his baby?

This is all stuff you absolutely must consider and plan for (i.e. assume it WILL happen) first. Does it take the spontaneity out of it? Perhaps, but nothing fucks with fun and spontaneity like an STI, baby or ruined relationship. Would you rather be spontaneous, or preserve what you have?

And these aren't scare tactics from someone who's against threesomes, they're the facts from someone with experience. We've been successful because we plan and consider carefully, then communicate a ton before, during and after. Our relationship is too important to do otherwise.

 

[cumhungry]

thanks Erika! yeah we are not ready to launch into something that could just muck up everything........so it is just in the talking, both sensible and erotic, stage for now. i will dig up the old thread you mentioned. more than anything i love the new level of openess between us, that today we CAN talk about thoughts and fantasies without feeling totally weird - intimacy of thoughts AND feelings is a ginormous turn on..............

 

[homeboy84u]

I Agree

I'm with Erika on this one. But, both of you should be considerng all the ramifications with a good heart-to-heart talk on each point.