Acquiring a new dom

[curiousgal_ca]

Through circumstances, I am in the process of acquiring a new dom.

I know how I'm doing my "shopping", ensuring it's a good fit before the contol is passed.

I am curious on how others first find a new dom, and then decide which is the best fit.

I feel like it's almost like a job interview, as the results are life changing as a job.

 

[WriterDom]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=181680

I found this thread in the library under Exploration. you may find others there of interest.

 

[A Desert Rose]

By the way....

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=181680

I found this thread in the library under Exploration. you may find others there of interest.

Just because someone recommends a thread already in existance in the library, does not mean that he is shutting off your discussion. Too many new posters seem to take this advice as some kind of slap in the face. It's not that at all.

You very well might find a thread that fits you and there is NOTHING stopping you from posting to it and bumping it back out for all of us, including other newbies and lurkers to read and add to.

Or, reading an older thread might spark a new thought for you that you might like to share with others on this thread.

Too many new posters seem to take offense when those of us who have been here a bit, try to offer some assistance by taking the time to look for threads of interest in the library.

Offending new posters is not on most of our agendas. ;-D

Sorry, I have nothing to add to your topic, but I do wish you good luck in your new adventure.

 

[WriterDom]

I wished I could have done better, but not my best topic, and saw it halfway down with no response.

That leads to another question. Should subs look for a life changing Dom, or just date first and get to know him? It seems like too much is expected on both ends from people who have never really met.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... Should subs look for a life changing Dom...

Fuck yes.







LMAO

Now, it was a long and crappy night and I'm headed for a hot shower and my bed.

goodnight for real.

 

[Etoile]

Fuck yes.







LMAO

Now, it was a long and crappy night and I'm headed for a hot shower and my bed.

goodnight for real.

Were you two up all night playing spades again?! http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/cheesy.gif

 

[Etoile]

Hmmm. I think if I were searching for somebody, I'd treat it like a regular partner search, and just mention what I'm looking for. In this day and age I'd probably head somewhere like alt.com or bondage.com and use the personals there. Or hell, maybe I'd just use Match.com.

Then again I have no experience seeking out partners. Both my girlfriend and my Daddy were my friends first. I never dated much...

 

[Krinaia]

I'm going to plug a thread I started that provides a lot of links to places that can help you find local munches/groups

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=224001

and also

articles on internet dating safety and how to spot predators.


(I FORGOT TO ADD THE LINK - DUH!!)

 

[Krinaia]

damned tripple post!!!


by the way - I've used friendster.com

But it's hard to mention your kink to people and not have them either so taken by the novelty they inadvertently yank your chain or somehting of that nature.

 

[Krinaia]

I'm going to plug a thread I started that provides a lot of links to places that can help you find local munches/groups

and also

articles on internet dating safety and how to spot predators.

 

[Krinaia]

bleh

 

[WriterDom]

Were you two up all night playing spades again?! http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/cheesy.gif

Nope, she is a weekend nurse. Between working and sleeping not much time for spades.

 

[Etoile]

damned tripple post!!!


by the way - I've used friendster.com

But it's hard to mention your kink to people and not have them either so taken by the novelty they inadvertently yank your chain or somehting of that nature.

Wow, I didn't realize people actually did use Friendster for dating! I just use it for finding my friends from high school.

 

[Krinaia]

Wow, I didn't realize people actually did use Friendster for dating! I just use it for finding my friends from high school.

LOL... I MET ONE PERSON AT A COFFEE SHOP... THAT'S IT.

 

[Etoile]

Nope, she is a weekend nurse. Between working and sleeping not much time for spades.

Yipe. Kudos to her!

I played Spades in high school but have since forgotten how.

 

[curiousgal_ca]

Not offended or put off in the least for others to recommend a thread -- "why reinvent the wheel"?

Thanks all

 

[s'lara]

Not offended or put off in the least for others to recommend a thread -- "why reinvent the wheel"?

Thanks all

Welcome to the board curious.

In addition to the links provided, please see the following list of links that might help you in your search:

Getting to Know

What are you looking for ...

How to Find Your Dominant - pdf safe link

Good essay outlining qualities to look for in a Dominant

Bottom line, you must honestly examine your criteria for a new Owner. If there were qualities your former Owner had that you did not like, you should be sure to list them on your Con-list (as in Pros/Cons). Take some time to create a realistic breakdown of what you will need from your new Owner and why you have those needs. You may be asked to explain your requirements and "i don't know, i just need humiliation" may not cut it. As much as you are putting others in the position for examination, you will also have those people examine you as well.

Good luck curious and i hope it all works out for you. i'll continue updating this thread with information on the process (finding a Dominant) as i find it. This will help others who are currently looking.

lara

 

[s'lara]

How To Find ...

Ten Tips


lara

 

[s'lara]

http://www.sdldungeon.com/interviewing.html

i liked the approach of this article in terms of how to "research" a prospective Dominant.

_______________________________________________________

General Suggestions

The most revealing answers will come from "open-ended" questions. Avoid questions that can be answered "yes" or "no", unless you have a follow-up question that gives the individual a chance to explain the answer.

You will probably not want to sit across a desk or restaurant table with a list of questions, taking notes during your conversation. It might be *just* a tad intimidating. Inquisitiveness is a good thing--inquisition is not. i give you a couple of suggestions here.

1. Suggest a game of "one-on-one truth or dare," in which you set the stage for questions to be exchanged between you. If this is done online, you can log the conversation to be reviewed later. You might want to suggest that you keep the game at "truth" questions, with no dares, until you know each other better. It's all about what is most comfortable to you. Jay Wiseman has some suggestions for playing "kinky truth or dare" here: Jay's Truth or Dare rules.


2. You can simply ask your prospective partner if you could ask a few questions to get to know him better. Or, if he starts asking questions, you should always feel comfortable asking him questions in return.

3. Weave these questions into general conversation when the opportunity presents itself. You will be seen as a "good conversationalist," especially when you keep the other person talking about himself or herself.

4. If you are corresponding in email, you may want to suggest a "question of the day." i have had occasion where this worked particularly well.... the rule that we had was, if i asked a question, he would answer it, but then i had to give him *my* answer to the same question.

This raises another suggestion. Before you ask these questions, think about the types of answers you would give to them if you were answering them, AND what kinds of answers you hope to hear from your partner. If you approach this information-gathering exercise with objectivity, you are more likely to find someone with whom you are compatible. Probing and Clarifying Responses
As a good friend reminded me (thanks Mary!), follow-up questions usually yield more information than the original answer. "Probe" questions are used to get to full lists of things; "clarifying" questions are used to get more detail or explanations about things.

Use the time-tested research technique of asking "what else" to get the person to continue talking. "What else did you like to do as a kid?" "What else do you see yourself doing in five years?" In face-to-face conversations, you can "probe" or "clarify" using body language. A quizzical look.. a "hmmmmmm...not sure i understand"... even your silence, accompanied by a nod, will encourage someone to keep talking.

If you hear something in an answer that intrigues you, or concerns you, or surprises you, ask more about it. To get the details, you can use follow-up questions, referring to the specific point you wish to clarify, such as:

1. You mentioned _____. That's really interesting to me. Can you tell me more about that?

2. I'm not sure i understand _______, can you give me an example of that?

3. Hmmmm fascinating... why do you feel _____ was important?

4. That's just the kind of answer i was hoping to hear... tell me more, please!


By the way, i probably learn as much about a person by what they *don't* tell me as what they do. How long do they take to answer a question? Do they evade it, or redirect it, or suddenly have to take a phone call? Avoidance of a question is a red flag for me. In a person-to-person conversation, watch body language... shifting of the eyes, crossing the arms in front of the body, turning away from you are all indications of someone being ill at ease with the question.

Listen, Listen, LISTEN!

i'm saving the most important aspect of this communication lesson for the last of this section. Regardless of how insightful the question is, or how complete the answer, it is for naught if you don't LISTEN. Ask the question, listen for what is said and what is not said, ask follow up questions and really concentrate on what is being communicated to you. Don't be thinking of the next question, or a comment you want to make. LISTEN. Look into their eyes if you are face to face. Study the expression on their face, and how they position their body. If you are on the phone, you may want to make quick notes of comments that you wish to probe or clarify later.
____________________________________________________

There is a lot more to this guide of sorts and makes some interesting points.

lara

 

[shy slave]

alt.com is also useful, you can list areas of interest and within what distance yo are looking. I found my Master on there.

A word of warning though, do the maths first, I am useless at numbers and managed to get km and miles mixed up.
Ended up offering myself to the world.....not sure the world wanted it though lol

 

[fallon2]

Take

Hi,
First, please take your time in your search.
Secondly, NO giving out of personal info such as real name, address, phone and get a fake hotmail address in which you can correspond.
Thirdly, NEVER meet unless it is in a PUBLIC PLACE with lots of people around.
Fourth, don't be too eager and jump into anything until you carefully think things out.
Fifth, find a sub who had your respect and ask her questions . . .there are many on this board. I would like to recommend s'lara as she is the most articulate one I know.
Sixth, other subs . . .please don't pm me asking why I didn't recommend you. *smile*
Seventh, there are bad Masters out there who do not appear or will appear to be bad. Therefore, take your time,
please.
Eighth, go back to the fifth item.
I am sure I am leaving something out. If so others will chime in.

 

[shy slave]

Re: Take

Hi,
First, please take your time in your search.
Secondly, NO giving out of personal info such as real name, address, phone and get a fake hotmail address in which you can correspond.
Thirdly, NEVER meet unless it is in a PUBLIC PLACE with lots of people around.
Fourth, don't be too eager and jump into anything until you carefully think things out.
Fifth, find a sub who had your respect and ask her questions . . .there are many on this board. I would like to recommend s'lara as she is the most articulate one I know.
Sixth, other subs . . .please don't pm me asking why I didn't recommend you. *smile*
Seventh, there are bad Masters out there who do not appear or will appear to be bad. Therefore, take your time,
please.
Eighth, go back to the fifth item.
I am sure I am leaving something out. If so others will chime in.

Talk to Him by 'phone before you meet, if you don't like how He sounds ithere is little point in taking it further, also helps to work out if He sounds genuine.

If He sounds to good to be true, He may well be to good to be true *sigh*

Find out what His main interest/kink is.
From personal experience an 'alleged' Dom I met, really only wanted to spank someone and nothing else.

Talk to someone about Him, preferably a man, they can spot idiots just by your description and things you have said so far about Him.

Other subs please don't say why a man~ for me it works on the basis of a male friend has probably used all the lines and some, so will know if what he says has a ring of truth.

Fallon is right about Lara, but Etoile is beautiful, unless that is Lara in her av, then they both are

Yes I know its a shallow way for working out who to take advice from!
Of course the boring way is to read some threads and work out who sounds on your wave length.

Good luck with and let us know how you get on

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Oh really ...

Fallon is right about Lara, but Etoile is beautiful, unless that is Lara in her av, then they both are

Well, i thought i'd just say both AVs give me wood.

Then, i realized Etoile ain't batting for my team. Unlike WD and FU, i'd like at least a snowball's chance in hell ...

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/atom.gif

Oops ... too late.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Take

... Fallon is right about Lara, but Etoile is beautiful, unless that is Lara in her av, then they both are

Yes I know its a shallow way for working out who to take advice from!
Of course the boring way is to read some threads and work out who sounds on your wave length...

At least you can't be faulted for your honesty.

 

[WriterDom]

Re: Oh really ...

Well, i thought i'd just say both AVs give me wood.

Then, i realized Etoile ain't batting for my team. Unlike WD and FU, i'd like at least a snowball's chance in hell ...

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/atom.gif

Oops ... too late.

I've had lesbian pussy. It bled like a virgin. I don't know why I like Etoile, but it isn't about fucking her. She's one of the kindest persons I've met. In the top 5.