Accept your body?
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Ravin the Poet
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I may not be the best example but I am 6ft and 132lbs, plus I am 19. I am very skinny looking. I basically just accepted it. I know I am not going to change anytime soon, so I just stopped giving a dman. I make jokes about my size. When people say "I could break you like a twig" I replie with a "but then you would have two of me then" or "YEah, but what woukd that accomplish".
I know after 2 children you may not think you look great, but also remember...You just had 2 kids. Your not going to be that little size 2 or anything. I just say be happy with what you got.
Ravin
I know after 2 children you may not think you look great, but also remember...You just had 2 kids. Your not going to be that little size 2 or anything. I just say be happy with what you got.
Ravin
SweetErika
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I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this one since I'm trying to do the same thing, but there are some things I do to feel better. One of them is focusing on the positives...I try to force myself to only look at and say positive things when I see myself in the mirror (so maybe I'll look at my face and breasts and shape instead of zeroing in on all of the stuff that I'd like to change). I've also embraced the fact that beauty comes in different forms, and it's up to me to determine that for myself. WHO made the determination a flat tummy is perfect? When you think about it, it's a little rediculous. Take a look at art from a couple hundred years ago...those women were beautiful, weren't they?
A while back on another thread, someone noted scars, birthmarks, stretchmarks, sagging breasts, curves, and all of those things we often think of as flaws are actually beautiful signs that we've lived a full life and are resilient. So I guess you can look at your body as something that needs to be fixed, or you can take pride and embrace its beauty.
I guess little by little, you have to break down the standards and the negative things you say to yourself, and just be proud of what you have.
A while back on another thread, someone noted scars, birthmarks, stretchmarks, sagging breasts, curves, and all of those things we often think of as flaws are actually beautiful signs that we've lived a full life and are resilient. So I guess you can look at your body as something that needs to be fixed, or you can take pride and embrace its beauty.
I guess little by little, you have to break down the standards and the negative things you say to yourself, and just be proud of what you have.
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Just_4_Giggles
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Well, there's no doubt that the geography and topography changes after pregnancy. I still have my 27" Guess Jeans hanging in the closet as a "goal". But after 10 years, this body ain't even gonna fit in 'em again! But I look fondly upon the time....
Yet, I am a Woman now. My female body has given birth to children and it's no longer a child's body. And while the height/weight is pretty much the same as when I was 15, the territory is much different. (What the hell are HIPS??? And where did that waist come from?) I used to look like a 14 year old boy when I was 25 and was damn proud of it!
For me, I was more comfortable with *me* by getting back down to my fighting weight as soon as possible. (5'2" - 2 lbs extra looks out of place.) First baby wasn't too hard, second, three years later took 18 months till I discovered ephedra - lol! But I still look at my hips and cringe. I look at how my ribs pushed out and never went back. I look at the bingo arms that now seem to be something pre-destined in my DNA but were never there before. And I look at my boobs and say "what the HELL happened??" They used to be so perky!
It's been almost 10 years since my last pregnancy, and to be honest, I DO resent what it did to me. But it's an "is" and I had to work on how *I* felt. My husband was quite neutral and doesn't say anything either way, so that is a pressure relieved. But I knew deep down he didn't want a "fluffy" wife. And I didn't want to be one, either!
I guess it all depends on YOU, and how YOU feel about yourself. Your body has recently gone through some seriously altering changes, so you have to forgive that to some extent. You need at least 6 months to heal from the delivery. All bets are off until then
If you are looking at yourself in a mirror and think "I'm OK with this" then there is your answer. If you look at yourself and say "Eek!" there is your answer, too. Just act on what those answers may be and you'll be comfortable with yourself.
Yet, I am a Woman now. My female body has given birth to children and it's no longer a child's body. And while the height/weight is pretty much the same as when I was 15, the territory is much different. (What the hell are HIPS??? And where did that waist come from?) I used to look like a 14 year old boy when I was 25 and was damn proud of it!
For me, I was more comfortable with *me* by getting back down to my fighting weight as soon as possible. (5'2" - 2 lbs extra looks out of place.) First baby wasn't too hard, second, three years later took 18 months till I discovered ephedra - lol! But I still look at my hips and cringe. I look at how my ribs pushed out and never went back. I look at the bingo arms that now seem to be something pre-destined in my DNA but were never there before. And I look at my boobs and say "what the HELL happened??" They used to be so perky!
It's been almost 10 years since my last pregnancy, and to be honest, I DO resent what it did to me. But it's an "is" and I had to work on how *I* felt. My husband was quite neutral and doesn't say anything either way, so that is a pressure relieved. But I knew deep down he didn't want a "fluffy" wife. And I didn't want to be one, either!
I guess it all depends on YOU, and how YOU feel about yourself. Your body has recently gone through some seriously altering changes, so you have to forgive that to some extent. You need at least 6 months to heal from the delivery. All bets are off until then
If you are looking at yourself in a mirror and think "I'm OK with this" then there is your answer. If you look at yourself and say "Eek!" there is your answer, too. Just act on what those answers may be and you'll be comfortable with yourself.
Eilan
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If only it were easy for us to accept ourselves! I had 4 children in 5 1/2 years. The two youngest are just under 13 months apart--and we planned it that way! I know exactly where you're coming from.
My two oldest daughters (ages 7 and 4) are from my first marriage. When daughter #2 was two months old, her dad left. At two months postpartum, I was still about 15-20 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. During that time, I learned that I react to stress by eating very little. By the time my little one's first birthday rolled around, I weighed 109 pounds (I'm 5'6" and I hadn't been that small since I was 13).
Know what? Even at 109 pounds, I used to look at myself in the mirror and think, "If only my thighs were smaller," or "Why do I still have cellulite?" It seems so irrational to me now. When I look back on pictures taken of me during that time, I realize how horrible I looked. I was scrawny, sickly-looking, and pale, I could count my ribs, and my head looked like it was too big for my body. Fortunately, I met my husband at about that time, and he helped both my body and my spirit heal.
I generally avoid scales, but if I had to guess, I'd say I'm probably about 30 pounds heavier now. Do I still have days where I grumble about my thighs and complain about the way my clothes fit? I sure do. What am I doing about it? I try to stay active without going overboard on the exercise (it really helps me keep up with the kids, too). I know I'll probably never have six-pack abs, but I feel better doing something instead of sitting around and complaining about how I look.
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful, but I'm still a work-in-progress myself!
My two oldest daughters (ages 7 and 4) are from my first marriage. When daughter #2 was two months old, her dad left. At two months postpartum, I was still about 15-20 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. During that time, I learned that I react to stress by eating very little. By the time my little one's first birthday rolled around, I weighed 109 pounds (I'm 5'6" and I hadn't been that small since I was 13).
Know what? Even at 109 pounds, I used to look at myself in the mirror and think, "If only my thighs were smaller," or "Why do I still have cellulite?" It seems so irrational to me now. When I look back on pictures taken of me during that time, I realize how horrible I looked. I was scrawny, sickly-looking, and pale, I could count my ribs, and my head looked like it was too big for my body. Fortunately, I met my husband at about that time, and he helped both my body and my spirit heal.
I generally avoid scales, but if I had to guess, I'd say I'm probably about 30 pounds heavier now. Do I still have days where I grumble about my thighs and complain about the way my clothes fit? I sure do. What am I doing about it? I try to stay active without going overboard on the exercise (it really helps me keep up with the kids, too). I know I'll probably never have six-pack abs, but I feel better doing something instead of sitting around and complaining about how I look.
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful, but I'm still a work-in-progress myself!
londonaberdeen
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From a mans point of view
I guess us men are lucky in some way. You women don't pressure us, society doesn't pressure us to conform with the expected body of a life guard on Baywatch.
My SO has issues with her own body. She thinks she's overweight, her tummy, broad shoulders and ass are often complained about. When I hear her or I'm asked I tell the truth. She look beautiful to me. And she does. She may be larger than the Average size in the UK but she is the most beautiful woman in the world who happens to have cuddly bits to comfort me.
I think SweetErika has pointed to the fact that you could consider notorious "flaws" as beauty signs. Its true. Who decided that Carmen Electra was beautiful and you are less so? This is crazy.
I guess my point is you will only ever be happy when you realise and accept that you are who you are. If you can look into a mirror and say "Yeah, hi me" and be happy then move on. If you feel down at who'se looking back then specifically what is it that bothers you? Why does it bother you? Do what it takes to change it, BUT and this is a huge but what ever you do must conform to your lifestyle. No point in starving yourself or wearing yourself out. You are going make yourself ill and look worse. And you need to stay true to yourself. If going to a gym isn't of interest to you, don't as you won't enjoy it and it won't last.
Best idea is be healthy, some light excercise and often is the answer and with a couple of young kids I'm sure thats possible. They'll keep you on the go, time to build in a walk through the park into the daily routine or something similar.
Ask your SO what they think of your bad bits. Don't ask if you bum looks big in this. Get serious tell your SO your feeling down and worried about your appearance.
Also get playful, sex is great excercise and also a good boost for the morale too.
But take comfort from the fact that our biggest critic is ALWAYS ourselves. No one else ever sees you in the bad light you see yourself.
I guess us men are lucky in some way. You women don't pressure us, society doesn't pressure us to conform with the expected body of a life guard on Baywatch.
My SO has issues with her own body. She thinks she's overweight, her tummy, broad shoulders and ass are often complained about. When I hear her or I'm asked I tell the truth. She look beautiful to me. And she does. She may be larger than the Average size in the UK but she is the most beautiful woman in the world who happens to have cuddly bits to comfort me.
I think SweetErika has pointed to the fact that you could consider notorious "flaws" as beauty signs. Its true. Who decided that Carmen Electra was beautiful and you are less so? This is crazy.
I guess my point is you will only ever be happy when you realise and accept that you are who you are. If you can look into a mirror and say "Yeah, hi me" and be happy then move on. If you feel down at who'se looking back then specifically what is it that bothers you? Why does it bother you? Do what it takes to change it, BUT and this is a huge but what ever you do must conform to your lifestyle. No point in starving yourself or wearing yourself out. You are going make yourself ill and look worse. And you need to stay true to yourself. If going to a gym isn't of interest to you, don't as you won't enjoy it and it won't last.
Best idea is be healthy, some light excercise and often is the answer and with a couple of young kids I'm sure thats possible. They'll keep you on the go, time to build in a walk through the park into the daily routine or something similar.
Ask your SO what they think of your bad bits. Don't ask if you bum looks big in this. Get serious tell your SO your feeling down and worried about your appearance.
Also get playful, sex is great excercise and also a good boost for the morale too.
But take comfort from the fact that our biggest critic is ALWAYS ourselves. No one else ever sees you in the bad light you see yourself.
Moonlust
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Eat well, drink lots of water, take care of yourself, exercise, but not overexercise, throw away your scales, stop beating yourself up in the mirror and believe in yourself.
It's a pretty tall order, but with enough confidence, it's very attainable, because it's all in your head.
You're the best you around and you should feel that way too.
It's a pretty tall order, but with enough confidence, it's very attainable, because it's all in your head.
You're the best you around and you should feel that way too.
fabricator
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Men have self image issues like women do, too. Or, at least, I do. I long for the days when I had the board flat stomach, firm buns, and smoother skin I had when I was 18. Now, at 48, after years of playing in the sun (yes, I know) and the effects of parenthood (finishing your child's meal when they don't 'cause you hate to see food go to waste) and years behind a desk, I don't exactly like the way I look, either.
BUT, the way I look at is this: your body is only a temporary physical unit to carry you through your existence here on earth. You aren't going to need it on your next journey, so - WHO CARES - not that you shouldn't take care of it, but life's events take their toll on you, and you can only do just so much. Take pride and joy in the fact that you created and carried your babies into this world, and are raising them to be good people.
I would like to think that your SO loves you for who you are and what you've accomplished in your life, not how well your body looks.
HTH, David
BUT, the way I look at is this: your body is only a temporary physical unit to carry you through your existence here on earth. You aren't going to need it on your next journey, so - WHO CARES - not that you shouldn't take care of it, but life's events take their toll on you, and you can only do just so much. Take pride and joy in the fact that you created and carried your babies into this world, and are raising them to be good people.
I would like to think that your SO loves you for who you are and what you've accomplished in your life, not how well your body looks.
HTH, David
Your can sure help out!
Hi all! My name is Julia, this is my first post on this site and pretty much new to the whole computer thing. Looks like I feel the same way as the other ladies do. At 42 years old and after 3 kids I feel dumpy and old. My sweetie tells me every morning when we get up "Good Morning Gorgious" and tells me several times throughout the day also. I don't know if he's just trying to get "some" or if he's for real. It makes me feel better though, so I'm glad he does it. I try to take care of myself and being a Nurse I should know about eating right and excercising, but with 3 kids and running all the time it's difficult to do the right thing all the time.
I look forward to posting more and learning some nift things to pay back my hub for all the nice things he says!
Hi all! My name is Julia, this is my first post on this site and pretty much new to the whole computer thing. Looks like I feel the same way as the other ladies do. At 42 years old and after 3 kids I feel dumpy and old. My sweetie tells me every morning when we get up "Good Morning Gorgious" and tells me several times throughout the day also. I don't know if he's just trying to get "some" or if he's for real. It makes me feel better though, so I'm glad he does it. I try to take care of myself and being a Nurse I should know about eating right and excercising, but with 3 kids and running all the time it's difficult to do the right thing all the time.
I look forward to posting more and learning some nift things to pay back my hub for all the nice things he says!
SweetErika
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Re: Your can sure help out!
Welcome to Lit, Julia!
jnd_rn said:Hi all! My name is Julia, this is my first post on this site and pretty much new to the whole computer thing. Looks like I feel the same way as the other ladies do. At 42 years old and after 3 kids I feel dumpy and old. My sweetie tells me every morning when we get up "Good Morning Gorgious" and tells me several times throughout the day also. I don't know if he's just trying to get "some" or if he's for real. It makes me feel better though, so I'm glad he does it. I try to take care of myself and being a Nurse I should know about eating right and excercising, but with 3 kids and running all the time it's difficult to do the right thing all the time.
I look forward to posting more and learning some nift things to pay back my hub for all the nice things he says!
Welcome to Lit, Julia!
Lynxie
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I'm also notorious for being hard on myself about my appearance. I'm considerably overweight (much more so, at least, then the other posters have discussed). I finally hit a point where I realized I was not going to be happy with my body the way it was (or the way it was heading, for that matter), so I decided to do something about it. I joined weight watchers 3 weeks ago, and it's made an impact already. Now that I know I'm doing something positive for my body and my overall health, it's much easier to feel proud of myself. If you're truly not satisfied with something in your life, taking steps to make changes is probably the best action you can take.
EJFan
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i'm only a man...
these are all great posts/replies and i have little to add (now watch me write a dozen paragraphs below... lol).
my personal opinion is that it's HEALTH that's important. whether you're a man or a woman, parent, or whatever, if you're healthy you'll be happy and that'll transcend whatever outward apperance you have and impact how others perceive your outward appearance.
for example: i know a lot of larger women who wouldn't be considered (at a glance) to be gorgeous. society leads us to BELIEVE that outward beauty is important but we all know that's not true and we don't abide by that theory (we think we do so we can argue about the barbi syndrome and whatnot). but these women i mention are looked upon as being beautiful because they have personalities that make them attractive and we don't even notice that they have a funky nose or a larger belly or a unibrow or whatever. we human beings really DO look beyond the surface and consider the whole package. no single part of that package is judged by itself (save the playboy critique on the howard stern show).
look closely at your friends. you'll see plenty of people who aren't "modelesque" yet you feel mentally and/or physically attracted to them.
all i'm saying is to let your whole being speak for you. and remember that when you question your body's appearance, it's just like a guy who questions his penis-size... and we know what most women think about that, don't we?
lynxie, good luck with the WW. i know you'll continue to do well. and thank you, ladies, for being wonderful in so many different ways.
these are all great posts/replies and i have little to add (now watch me write a dozen paragraphs below... lol).
my personal opinion is that it's HEALTH that's important. whether you're a man or a woman, parent, or whatever, if you're healthy you'll be happy and that'll transcend whatever outward apperance you have and impact how others perceive your outward appearance.
for example: i know a lot of larger women who wouldn't be considered (at a glance) to be gorgeous. society leads us to BELIEVE that outward beauty is important but we all know that's not true and we don't abide by that theory (we think we do so we can argue about the barbi syndrome and whatnot). but these women i mention are looked upon as being beautiful because they have personalities that make them attractive and we don't even notice that they have a funky nose or a larger belly or a unibrow or whatever. we human beings really DO look beyond the surface and consider the whole package. no single part of that package is judged by itself (save the playboy critique on the howard stern show).
look closely at your friends. you'll see plenty of people who aren't "modelesque" yet you feel mentally and/or physically attracted to them.
all i'm saying is to let your whole being speak for you. and remember that when you question your body's appearance, it's just like a guy who questions his penis-size... and we know what most women think about that, don't we?
lynxie, good luck with the WW. i know you'll continue to do well. and thank you, ladies, for being wonderful in so many different ways.
babydoll2u
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Lynxie said:
Like you Lynxie, I'm considerably overweight... 5'4 and 220 lbs.
Unfortunately, my weight and body type is genetic, inherited
I've been to weight watchers, Jenny Craig, all the others, tried diets on my own, used diet pills, diet patches, a nutritionist, etc etc. I even considered the gastric-bypass surgery, for which my doctor tells me I qualify, but haven't had the nerve to go to any of the meetings yet. The one and only time I was ever able to lose any significant amount of weight was when I just flat out stopped eating... for 8 months. Went from 238 down to 147 and a hospital bed. Not worth it to me.
I eat fairly healthily, drink lots of water, walk every morning and stay the same weight I've been for the past 3 years. So I figured that if this is where I'm going to stay, then I'd better get used to it right? Right.
I found my best features, play them up, dress nice and try not to worry about what others think of my looks. ALOT easier said than done, and trust me, I have not arrived.
I'm still very self-conscious about my body, my looks, and whether I'm attractive physically or not... but I've also found that attractiveness comes from within as well.
Someone said to me just a couple of weeks ago...."You have such a pretty face and a wonderful personality, if only you would lose that weight". I looked at him and said... "does my weight really matter all that much?" He walked away lol... his loss.
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LadyJeanne
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I think it also helps if you embrace what your body can do and how it feels, rather than focusing just on how it looks. Every inch of your body responds in a sensual way when it's touched and gives you and your SO all kinds of pleasure and orgasmic delights - love your body for that, no matter what it looks like.
SweetErika
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Re: i'm only a man...
You may be a man, but you're a very wise person! I couldn't agree more with the emphasis on overall health and happiness.
EJFan said:
You may be a man, but you're a very wise person! I couldn't agree more with the emphasis on overall health and happiness.
Thanks Erika ...
... for the welcome and to the couple folks who sent messages. Sorry, I don't have any current pictures scanned in, just a few from the past few years that my hon keeps in his gunlocker, away from the kids!
I spent most of my work day reading in these message boards and my eyes are WIDE OPEN! I can't wait to get home and get the kiddies to bed and spend some experimental time with my hon. Ya'll got me thinking in the most unusual ways! I can barely contain myself! I'm usually pretty "innocent", hon won't know what hit him!
... for the welcome and to the couple folks who sent messages. Sorry, I don't have any current pictures scanned in, just a few from the past few years that my hon keeps in his gunlocker, away from the kids!
I spent most of my work day reading in these message boards and my eyes are WIDE OPEN! I can't wait to get home and get the kiddies to bed and spend some experimental time with my hon. Ya'll got me thinking in the most unusual ways! I can barely contain myself! I'm usually pretty "innocent", hon won't know what hit him!
College_geek
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I'm a very large girl...always have been...and although I'm not completely confident with my body, I'm a lot more so than about two or three years ago. A big part of it actually is because of the nice people on lit who have made me feel beautiful. Another part of it was just me finally realising that despite the fact that I don't have a "hot, sexy, trim body", I have a lot more personality and intellect that most of the people who do (at least around here at college). Another thing I always like to think of is that if I can look in the mirror and feel happy about what I see, I'm more likely to have a good day, and I have an advantage over many people because I can feel secure about my appearance.
Security is beautiful; insecurity is ugly. 
Security is beautiful; insecurity is ugly.
SweetErika
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College_geek said:I'm a very large girl...always have been...and although I'm not completely confident with my body, I'm a lot more so than about two or three years ago. A big part of it actually is because of the nice people on lit who have made me feel beautiful. Another part of it was just me finally realising that despite the fact that I don't have a "hot, sexy, trim body", I have a lot more personality and intellect that most of the people who do (at least around here at college). Another thing I always like to think of is that if I can look in the mirror and feel happy about what I see, I'm more likely to have a good day, and I have an advantage over many people because I can feel secure about my appearance.
Security is beautiful; insecurity is ugly.
Oooh...I absolutely LOVE that, CG! I tend to forget how much confidence changes my life and perspective on everything, but I'm going to work harder to remember it from this moment on. A
and for the wise woman! Thank you all for replying!
I have no scales in my house, and actually have joined weight watchers too. I'm on my 8th week and I did it as more of a lifestyle/eatting change then to solely lose weight.
I find my opinion about myself fluctuates greatly with my mood. Today I am in a good mood so feeling pretty good about myself.
CG your comment about security is beautiful, insecurity is ugly is wonderful! I shall remember that!
Thanks again!
I have no scales in my house, and actually have joined weight watchers too. I'm on my 8th week and I did it as more of a lifestyle/eatting change then to solely lose weight.
I find my opinion about myself fluctuates greatly with my mood. Today I am in a good mood so feeling pretty good about myself.
CG your comment about security is beautiful, insecurity is ugly is wonderful! I shall remember that!
Thanks again!
tigerjen
The Married Tigress
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I have never had children, but I am a full-figured gal
who does feel self-conscious at times, but yet when i
am all dressed up in the right-fitting clothes, jewelry,
etc......I feel great! It's all in the attitude! I know I have
to lose some pounds, with health being first and foremost,
but I know I would feel a lot better if I lost some lbs as
well. I wear a size 18/20 pant/skirt size and in some
styles, a 22/24 for a jacket or dress as I am busty on
top (DD cup).
It's all in the attitude.....and when the time comes and if
I do have kids, I know I will have days where I might
feel schlumpy but through and through, I will work to
make myself feel better about myself again
who does feel self-conscious at times, but yet when i
am all dressed up in the right-fitting clothes, jewelry,
etc......I feel great! It's all in the attitude! I know I have
to lose some pounds, with health being first and foremost,
but I know I would feel a lot better if I lost some lbs as
well. I wear a size 18/20 pant/skirt size and in some
styles, a 22/24 for a jacket or dress as I am busty on
top (DD cup).
It's all in the attitude.....and when the time comes and if
I do have kids, I know I will have days where I might
feel schlumpy but through and through, I will work to
make myself feel better about myself again
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