Abuse

Light Ice

A Real Bastard
Joined
Feb 12, 2003
Posts
5,396
I was still in a state of disbelief, maybe that was why I didn’t see her coming. My thoughts rested on last week, that horrible night. She had been so cruel, so unforgiving. I should have seen it coming, I should have known she would take the halo I put over her head and strangle me with it. I hadn’t felt this kind of betrayal in years; I doubt I’ll ever feel it again. Something changed in me that night, some small thread of my personality snapped like a guitar string. She had just struck it a few times too hard, and her final words were the straw that broke the camel’s back.

That isn’t as bad as it sounds, well not now anyways. After my angel flew away, the sensation of defeat and embarrassment had hit me like a baseball bat over the head. I really hadn’t trusted anyone as swiftly as I trusted her, and I doubt I’ll make the same mistake twice. Things have changed, and really she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. She… I should probably warn you that I’m a bit crazy right now, and I can’t stop referring to all females as “she”. She. They don’t have personalities to me anymore, not since Angel. They all are the same, very atypical, very predictable. That’s why I’m crazy. I failed to recognize something so easily foreseen that some of my least perceptive of friends had warned me. Regardless, I digress.

I left Angel’s apartment a stammering mess, heart ripped and torn from an hour of verbal abuse that, despite my denials, had battered me into a shamed, miserable excuse for what I used to be. I should have felt the change, I should have gotten away…but when your heart is breaking rationality doesn’t exist, and your selfishness eclipses everything else. I was maybe three steps out onto the sidewalk; I remember the biting chill of the night air and pulling my jacket closed. I looked down to fumble with the zipper, I always fumbled with zippers. Strong, brutish fingers that had lost all tenderness after years of hard work and an hour of berating by my former beloved… The poor thing was on the phone, she didn’t have a chance to move. I ran into her so hard that the breath left her lungs; she bounced off my shoulder roughly and landed with her ass pressed to a parked car. Her phone fell to the pavement, bouncing away beneath the vehicle with a series of loud clacks.

She was stunning, a slender waist that filled out into full hips, coltish thighs clad in a miniskirt. I guessed she was no more than 20, but definitely not your average college student. She was wearing a few hundred dollars in designer clothing; her eyes had the glare of a spoiled brat. Angel had that glare. I remember the first time her full lips opened, demanding. She had a strong will, and an angry streak that was quite easy to get moving.

“Fucking moron! Watch where you’re going!”

I remember the anger that sent tremors through me, each word shaking me to the core. Angel was one thing, but this hussy? The soft glow of a street lamp revealed to me how soft her skin was, she was high maintenance. I imagined a local beauty salon could stay in business on her appointments alone. I knew my eyes were narrowing even before she bent over to get her phone; they always narrowed when I got angry. I had a square jaw, and Angel always said that I looked menacing when I was mad at her.

“Lucky for me, Matt…you are such a push over!”

Oh, the words stung. Push over. I was a push over. The blond bent over, and some part of me noticed how full her breasts were. I lost her angry glare as her head went down, shielded by a curtain of blond hair. I don’t know why I did it, and I probably will never figure it out. I suppose part of me just lost control.

“Let me get on top, you don’t move right.”

Angel always had made me feel useless, always made me feel second rate. I was a failure in bed; I could never move how she wanted. When we had first started making love she had been wide eyed, excited at the size of me….praising my big dick. Then…well, she demanded riding me. I didn’t fuck her hard enough; I didn’t give her all of it. To be honest, I didn’t…she could never take all of it right away. She would complain it hurt, and if she didn’t do the work I would never know when she had adjusted enough. I was inexperienced. I thought we were making love, and I hated when she told me to fuck her.

“Fuck me! Fuck my tight pussy!”

I thought at first it was romantic, she wanted me…she needed me. Over time, however, she began to make it clear that it was a demand. She wanted something! Anything! I couldn’t satisfy her, I was frustrating her!

The girl’s miniskirt rose, and she was too busy getting the phone to notice. I saw her panties riding high, a deep crease where her rounded cheeks met telling me that she was going to pick her ass as soon as she was out of sight.

Stuck up bitch.

Did I think that? Did I say it? Things were getting cloudy, and I was staring at the slice of ass cheek that the panties revealed. What a whore, she was probably a big cock tease. She probably humiliated men, played on their insecurities. The more furious I became, the more my pants tented. I felt my flesh hardening, twitching, leaping at the crotch of my slacks in a vain attempt to rip free.

Something snapped momentary insanity I suppose… All I know is that I nearly knocked her out when I grabbed her hips and threw her over the car. Her head clipped the side panel, before her cheek pressed to the car’s hood and she let out a cry. We were in the middle of the street, but this was New York. I heard her scream; I heard her voice rise out and echo off of the cold concrete buildings. Part of me screamed with her, fighting the beast that leapt from my soul. I pinned her body against the car, forcing her to bend over as one of my large hands found her hair and tangled in it. I pushed her face into the hood, I watched her as she tried to thrash. Every time she attempted to move her hair was pulled, and the pain stiffened her body beneath mine… It felt like Angel when she came, her body going stiff above mine as wetness exploded from her center. Half the time I never got to finish with Angel, and was left to masturbate quietly besides her as she slept. I wasn’t unattractive, but I wasn’t stunning. To this girl I was hideous, I was angry and bestial. I loved it as she slackened beneath me, her screams turning into sobs as she muttered apologies.

Fuck you!

My mind screamed at her in a foreign language of nasty, filthy obscenities. I tugged her shirt off, and she shivered…I hope she fucking froze. I wished it was Angel, crying and begging for me to let her go. Begging for me. The girl’s bra was infuriating, and I couldn’t free it.

“So good with a wrench, you can’t even open a fucking bra clasp!”

My hands grabbed the straps of lace and tugged hard, the fabric ripped away and elastic snapped against her flesh and left angry red marks. Her skin was so soft, so delicate, that even lace left an angry red smear as it brushed by. Her breasts were crushed against the metal, and when I pulled back on her head I could see her nipples hard with fright and cold. My dick leapt again. She murmured a plea, and I slammed her down against the hood roughly in response. I felt her start to sob violently again.

Fuck you!

I swore out loud, calling her a whore and a devil. My pants were around my ankles after a few minutes of fumbling with my zipper. I hate zippers. The cold didn’t bother me, even as my cock bounced free. I was too angry, I was too excited. I looked at myself a moment, taking pleasure in the fact that I could tear this girl apart with my sheer size. Precum had leaked from the crevice at the head, forming a large drop. I realized that my cock was as angry as I was, thick and purple with rage…frothing at the mouth. The girl screamed as she heard my pants fall away, and began to beg and fight again.

I kicked her legs apart with my knees, still keeping her head pinned to the car with one hand while the other tore her panties off. They were more difficult, and her ass ground against mine as I tried to pin her hips down with my own. She was so light, so small, each tug to rip the panties clean off would pull her body from the car and force her on her tiptoes. She started crying and murmuring again.

The panties snapped free, and I flipped her skirt up. Her ass was gorgeous, and as my cock parted her pussy lips I realized she was soaking wet. “Whore! You want it!” I sneered as I began to fill her, and she cried out in pain as her tight petals stretched around my hot invasion. She whimpered and bucked, body trying to get away from the discomfort of having her virginity shattered by my raping phallus. I groaned like an animal, a predatory sound that filled the air and eclipsed her crying. I pushed until I was all the way inside, and her rounded ass cheeks were flat against my hips. Oh, it was lovely… I would take what I wanted, and to hell with her!

I began thrusting right away, drawing back only to slam forwards. Each brutal stroke rocked her up onto her tip toes and let a cry from her pouted lips. Her body was now leaning heavily on the car, her coltish legs bent at the knees as she went limp…crying as I fucked her like the slut she was. I grabbed her hips, pulling her back as I filled her with my mighty cock. Her walls tightened around me, slowly responding. Her body betrayed her, and she let loose a moan. I howled in triumph, fucking this little harlot with vigor as she cried and moaned like a whore. Our bodies slapped together, ass bouncing, luscious breasts grinding against the car’s hood as my cock collided with her cervix.

“Is this what you want Angel, you want hard do you?”

The girl couldn’t speak; I felt her orgasm despite her disgust. She cried as I humiliated her, as I took her. This was MY pussy, this was my little bitch. I could see her breath rise in a hot mist as she panted raggedly, crying out in pain and pleasure as I raped her. I raped her. Oh, I raped her! I looked down with greedy eyes to watch all ten inches of my massive, throbbing length disappear into her tight velvet sheath. I watched as her pussy juice frothed around my dick, which became a blur as I pounded her with a fresh intensity. I felt a release building inside of me, after maybe twenty minutes of raping this little slut on the hood of someone’s car. Her thighs hit the quarter panel as I drove into her, leaving a wet spot where her clit ground against the cold steel. Sirens grew in the background, and I didn’t care. I buried myself a final time into her depths, feeling her body give out as she came for the fourth or maybe fifth time. Her hips jumped, and she cried out a long moan of shame and grief…and I let loose a roar that would have scared any man. I dominated her finally, my massive head pressed to the limits of her tight, wet depths and exploding a torrent of my seed into her body. I felt each jump of my cock inside its tight nest, and I’m sure she felt it too. I let her go when my cock stopped convulsing, just as the cops grabbed my arms and began to cuff me. I watched her fall to her knees and break down; I watched her as she opened her eyes and stared at me in disbelief. Her eyes were full of tears, and her mouth was open. I could have sworn I heard her say thank you, but by then they had put me in the car.






“Matt, wake up. You’re late for work.” Angel is speaking to me from the bathroom, and I open my eyes and rub the sleep from them. “You are so fucking lazy!” She says from behind a mirror, putting on makeup. I growl softly, rising from the bed with the intent of making her regret the tone she used. Regret the way she was making me feel.

But I notice the clock says 10:05am…and I swear to myself, struggling to find my uniform as Angel laughs at me from the breakfast table.


[This is my first story, I would love to hear comments...but go easy on me.]
 
Embarressed

Oh, Christ! I just realized that I totally didn't use this thread correctly, please forgive me. I'm so new! I've only used message boards to roleplay, and I have no idea how to go about this. I'll publish it on the site correctly next time, I'm sorry to any who I've angered/confused by the blunder!

-LI
 
Alright, I really, *really* liked this. I liked your style, the way your writing flowed. It really sounded like an angry dialogue, I could almost hear someone saying it out loud. I could feel the anger climax with your character, the tension tighten and tighten until it ended. It was a great peice of work. Only one thing bothered me :
Light Ice said:
all ten inches of my massive, throbbing length
Does it have to be 10 inches?

also, when submitted to lit, it might get pushed into "extreme" for "violent rape" - I'm not sure. Sometimes nonconsent stories like this get side-tracked over to that category, sometimes they don't. I would just prepare myself for the possibility, if I were you.

Great, great story. Keep writing. Maybe another part to this one where he gets to take his anger out on Angel.

Chicklet

ps - not many people can spell "embarrassed" correctly = ) even around here.
 
Thanks!

Thank you a great deal for the praise, and the critque. This story is a rare type of feeling for me to attempt to convey, not being one who actually enjoys non-consentual themes. I just had a feeling to convey, and the reason why size was mentioned was to give a visual to the punishment it would deliver.

I will write again, perhaps in a few days, but plan on taking it in a totally different direction.


With this said, let me request that you critique me again when I write on a different theme. I love hearing input, and getting responses from other authors. All opinions are valuable opinions!


So for anyone else who has read the story, please feel free to comment. Regardless of it being a positive, or negative look on my story...post it!

-LI
 
Yeah, this is not how it's usually done, but don't worry about it. :)

Very well written for a first story. You have a good command of the language and you have some original descriptions. But you fell into a few beginner's cliches, such as
"ten inch" cock
"her virginity shattered"
four or five orgasm's for the girl

The first three paragraphs are a bit overdone. And there's no way I would believe that some young, inexperienced, push-over guy, just coming out of a breakup with a loved one, would turn into a raping beast in the span of a few seconds. It just doesn't click, so I might have stopped reading right there. Of course, the fact that it's a dream makes the whole thing rather more believable (middle of the street, twenty-minute sex). Lots of writers resort to the "dream" trick to help with the unbelievability problem, but I don't think that it's as easy as it seems. The problem is that dreams rarely have such sharp detail, no? At least not dreams that one remembers afterward. So, the unbelievability problem does not go away after all -- it just gets displaced.

Finally, although this is one of the better written stories, why is the plot any more exciting or erotic than a million other non-consent writeups out there? In fact, your version is somewhat simple and flat, and the sex scene itself is not very memorable. The strong part is the first half. The buildup and setup were much better than the climax and ending.

But I'd say there's lot of potential there. You can write.

hs
 
One of the best rape stories yet!

My biggest complaint as with all the other non-consent stories is the girl enjoying being raped. I was getting into the story, I even noticed my self getting pissed at Angel.

I don’t like when people say “I’m crazy.” I think a crazy person wouldn’t really think of himself as crazy.

When the girl starts cumming especially 5 times it kills the story for me. And making her say thanks for violently raping me, NO, it just doesn’t work. Also yeah the ten inch cock is a bit much, maybe a large 7 incher would be a little more realistic. I imagine most guys reading the story thinking to them selves but I only have a scrawny 6 inch dick.

Other than that it was a good story. I liked it more than most other Non-Consents because of the rage. Which I’m sure a lot or rejected and verbally abused men can connect with. I’d also like to see it lengthened it goes by too quick I wouldn’t be able to get my rocks off (If that’s why you read erotica, lol) After he wakes up if would be cool to see him just snap on Angel, or just lengthen the rape scene. I’m not sure if attacking Angel would kill the flow of the movie but I know I felt like jumping into the story and smacking her around (Oops did I say that!)

Nice shoes Chicklet
 
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I don't have alot to add on what the others have said, but i did think that the story was good. Nice build up, a great style and you obviously have talent as a writer, other than the qualms that the others brought up, i thought it was great.
 
I enjoy non-consent (see the "Unrealistic Stories" thread). And although I don't always like stories from the perspective of the attacker, I enjoyed this one very much.

In contrast to some of the other comments, the setup didn't appeal to me as much as the attack itself. The contrast between a man not being able to express anger to one woman but taking it out on another is accurate psychology, IMO. That's what rapists do. ;-) It rang true, which I suppose is why it seemed visceral and real; i.e., very sexy if you like that kind of thing!

As a writer, I understand how those stories seem to bubble up out of nowhere, though again, I am not very familiar with the male perspective on non-consent. This definitely worked for me.

MM
 
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