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Abrasive Semi-literate Male Seeks Horny Mute Bitch

Wild_Honey_66 said:
Horny mute bitches don't wanna read.
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Then my desire to word-fuck her would prove highly problematic.

I've got no use for a woman who doesn't love reading. This ad might be facetious in nature but I still have my standards. Were I to write a genuine personals ad, it could be titled "Must Love Words...and Coffee...and Zombies" with the opening line: "It's the zombie apocalypse and I've got a fully stocked library, more coffee than Juan Valdez and a fuck bunker built for two. Are you in?"
 
CleverCowardice said:
Well, I was primarily referring to those offensively unimaginative mirror shots. You know the ones: all the sexy, intimate lighting of a seedy dive bar giving you the impression that everything in the room would feel grimy if you touched it, including, and maybe especially, the girl, who's standing in front of a sink, the counter cluttered with ten million bottles and aerosol cans and cream tubes and...

Okay, let's be serious for a moment. What the fuck is with you bitches and all your goddamn grooming paraphernalia? How much shit do you need to spray, spritz, smear, slather and spackle onto yourself before you feel beautiful? Fucking stop. You don't need all that shit; you're gorgeous exactly as you are. Or you aren't. In which case, unless there's a wish-granting leprechaun in one of those bottles, save your money, accept your frizzy hair, non-existent eyelashes and dry, flaky skin and throw that shit away so I can maybe get two friggin' inches for my toothbrush, aftershave and deodorant. Holy Christ! I'm gonna have a damn brain aneurysm here.

Right. Back to the photos.

Let's see. Shitty lighting, filthy chick, cluttered countertop... Oh, right. And the girl is standing there, not really posing, not trying to be sexy, just standing there in her mismatched bra and panties with a blank, dead-eyed expression on her stupid face while looking down at the goddamn phone in her hand! It makes me want to punch a baby whenever a woman in porn looks at the camera instead of at the guy whose dick is in her mouth but, I swear, that looking at your phone shit is a thousand times worse. If you're going to be looking at the phone anyway, why the hell do you need a mirror? Just turn the fucking thing around and take a goddamn picture of yourself already. You don't need the mirror! Or, you know, you could use the reflection in the mirror to look at the screen on your phone if you really want to be sure that carnival of sadness is in frame. At least then we wouldn't be subjected to that shitshow clusterfuck going on around your sink.

Um. So, yeah. That was my chief concern. I wasn't even thinking about a toilet, flushed or otherwise, being in frame. Until now. Now I'm positively horrified at the thought of a girl deliberately posing in front of a loaded commode, the camera held at arm's length, with her face in the foreground, leaning back all gangsta, a satisfied sneer on her lips as she proudly points behind her...to a massive dump just filling the bowl. And, God help me, it's captioned. "Jersey grrl representin' - I DID THAT SHIT!"

Why? Why would you put that image in my head? The fuck is wrong with you? Now I have to jam an ice pick into my brain to try and stab out my mind's eye. Thanks. Thanks a fuckin' bunch. You're off my Christmas card list.
Click to expand...

I think this thread was just MADE for you. http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=977031&page=45
 
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