About feeling awful...

[His Whimsicality]

Went out the second time with a in every aspect lovely girl yesterday, and I wanted nothing more than to hold and kiss her - but somehow I couldn´t because it simply wouldn´t have felt appropriate to me (she has got a boyfriend, among other reasons), and that (me wanting to do something but being able to do it) made me feel so utterly helpless and reminded me very painfully that I´m feeling so incredibly lonely. I know that she likes me, but I very strongly feel that she would shy away if I´d make any confessions to her, so... what can I do except to go out with her from time to time and feeling awful in the process?

 

[DarlingBri]

Well...

You could *tell* her that you're very attracted to her, and that going out with her while she has a boyfriend is a saddening experience for you.

And then don't go out with her anymore.

You never know, she may jump ship and climb aboard the HMS Whimsicality, but if not, at least a) you've been brave enough to be honest and b) you stop feeling shitty.

 

[His Whimsicality]

Thanks for your advice, I will consider what you´ve said but...

Firstly, I´m not going to blurt out like a tennager that I find myself attracted to her and spoil everything by wanting too much, too soon. I think it´s much better if proceed very slowly, slipping her hints occasionally, carefully building things up.

Secondly, I also enjoy her company as a friend, I don´t have to be together with her (although I´d like to).

Thirdly, it´s more complicated than that because this is just the latest episode of my not-so-fortunate love life, it´s not just about her.

 

[Ezzy]

This will sound crazy...

Stop beating up on yourself is a good start, followed by telling her straight that you are attracted to her etc, dont try dropping hints as all that might do is add to the confusion.

Thirdly be happy with yourself as you are and love yourself for who you are, and stop looking for a partner.

See I told you this was crazy

I have found that at this point you find the ladies change their habits and stay around.




EZ

 

[His Whimsicality]

Re: This will sound crazy...

, and stop looking for a partner.

I have found that at this point you find the ladies change their habits and stay around.

EZ

Even though I might not convey the impression, I know exactly what you mean by that. That attitude (searching for a partner) was a mistake of my past. I now try to be more carefree, relaxed and just spend some time with girls I like and see how things develop from that point. I don´t run around and say to myself 'gotta get a girlfriend', that doesn´t make you a very interisting person for the opposite sex if you keep thinking like that, and my 'results' have improved because I no longer (try to?) display that attitude. But it´s still pretty hard for me to remain a cool composure sometimes, in this respect I´m rather worn out, so as not to say completely fucked up.

I might have to tell her sometime in the future, I know, but... I still need a little time, gotta 'prepare' her before I do it, if you know what I mean.