Abortion

[graceanne]

Post Secret.

That is both funny and sad.

 

[DreamKeeper]

That is both funny and sad.

Did you read his intention, mission, etc? They're funny, sad and heartfelt - but the whole mission is truly wonderful.

 

[m wisdom]

hehe I don't think you'd be the only one to be freaked out.

I was starting to wounder if anyone would get it

DK: There are several threads about abortion here on Lit, use the search function to find them. Next time I think you'll have more success if you say what you want and don't just put up strange polls. No reason to complicate things, it will only get people mad at you.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[DreamKeeper]

Honestly, the phraseology and secrecy behind the original post may have been genuine, but it read as a spammish lab rat experiment, to me. Ick.

It is genuine.
Sorry about how it reads I guess; I'm only human.

 

[SweetErika]

DK, I agree you'd have done a lot better to state the original purpose of getting info for a friend and setting up a place for information and support. While I understand your point about the alt, I believe it actually models even more shame and negativity than starting the threads under your regular name; I bet a fair number of people who are willing to share their experiences are wondering if they should share the impression that it's unsafe/unwise to not do so under an alt. If you really want the info/discussion, you might consider either revealing you identity or letting people know you'll do so in private if anyone wants to share but is uncertain because of the alt issue.

There are also several moderated boards and sites specifically for people who are considering or need support after an abortion. Again, I'll say I find it sad and frustrating that we can't do that here so well when other personal and taboo topics don't have a problem, but that's the way it goes. Anyway, you might check out those sites and refer your friend to them if they're not full of whackos.

I think we can relate this topic to BDSM. In a TPE relationship, for instance, does the PYL get to decide what happens if there's an unplanned pregnancy? Would you, as a pyl, have an abortion or be okay with your female PYL doing whatever they wanted, even if that choice went against your wishes/morals/whatever? Alternately, would you, as a PYL, be okay with making the decision, and would you ever go against your pyl's wishes? Kinda muddled, but I think you guys will get the point.

 

[DreamKeeper]

DK, I agree you'd have done a lot better to state the original purpose of getting info for a friend and setting up a place for information and support. While I understand your point about the alt, I believe it actually models even more shame and negativity than starting the threads under your regular name; I bet a fair number of people who are willing to share their experiences are wondering if they should share the impression that it's unsafe/unwise to not do so under an alt. If you really want the info/discussion, you might consider either revealing you identity or letting people know you'll do so in private if anyone wants to share but is uncertain because of the alt issue.

There are also several moderated boards and sites specifically for people who are considering or need support after an abortion. Again, I'll say I find it sad and frustrating that we can't do that here so well when other personal and taboo topics don't have a problem, but that's the way it goes. Anyway, you might check out those sites and refer your friend to them if they're not full of whackos.

I think we can relate this topic to BDSM. In a TPE relationship, for instance, does the PYL get to decide what happens if there's an unplanned pregnancy? Would you, as a pyl, have an abortion or be okay with your female PYL doing whatever they wanted, even if that choice went against your wishes/morals/whatever? Alternately, would you, as a PYL, be okay with making the decision, and would you ever go against your pyl's wishes? Kinda muddled, but I think you guys will get the point.

Half the time people post as asking "I need info for a friend," although believeable... is it really believeable? Yes... no... sometimes. Most would 'judge' and say "eh, they really mean its for themselves... but I'll answer anyway and pretned that they aren't pretending." Some would say "aw, thats nice, sure... heres my two cents, tell your friend I hope this helps."

I was thinking of revealing myself - but - I'm sticking with giving the idea to the regulars who wish to participate in the topic without judgement and truly being anonymous... just like they used to be when they were newbie virgins online seeking help and guidance anonymously those many many...many... posts ago. But if they feel they can just dive in - then do so. I'm highlighting the theme of "choice." There is a "method to my maddness" so to say.

I know now, after being there for my close friend who had to sit on this fence, that there are alot of anonymous resources- but there aren't too many that have what Lit does... all of these dynamics on the boards. They are very tunnel visioned...Lit isn't. I'm not saying or even trying to make Lit the next "go to" site... only making another outlit for members and newbies that stumble their way here and find themselves weighing their options.
We are a very resourceful, understanding, wise group - and yes, its been covered before here and there but it was time for a new start.


As for TPE, some would argue that it is near impossible to truly make the relationship TPE and 24/7. I am one of those people. I believe this is situational, and a decision the woman makes ultimately and yes, without sway from outside herself. In a TPE relationship I would hope the PYL's answer to this is "make your own decision, I am here for you... but this is how I feel ______."

I am involved in PE, but not in a TPE. So that certainly shapes my opinions.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't know why this topic was started. It looks like this is a thread most don't want to touch but I will.

I think my mind set about abortion is all wrong as I feel regarding myself but correct with how I feel regarding other people.

For myself, I would not want to have an abortion for any reason. That's always been my first knee jerk reaction. I don't value my own life as much as I do a potential child and that's probably wrong. I simply would have a hard time living with myself if I did.

However my husband pointed out to me when I was pregnant the second time that if my life were in danger, I would be leaving him and my girl, who would have, at that time, gone to my evil ex. He was truly horrible and damaging to her.

We are still trying to deal with the damage weekend and holiday "visits" with him did to her. That made me think that for the sake of my daughter it might be best to abort were I put into that (the baby or me) position. Again it's all based not on my life but on other's. That is probably wrong but I think it speaks to the learned Southern female mind set of my era. Perhaps it also has to be with being at my core, submissive?

Now about others, though I find the idea of killing a child repugnant (and I do consider it killing) for myself, I would never presume to demand a woman carry a child in her body that she did not want to. That to me, is only between her and her conscience. I do NOT think she should be pushed either way. Both my mother and I were strongly urged to abort, btw.

I would not judge her. I would want to help her deal with the situation regardless of what she chose to do or why.

If I chose to have one I'm not sure I could kept from emotionally beating myself up about it. On the basis of the guilt principle, (one of the prime principles I live my life by) I would suspect it would haunt me.

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... It is like you are saying you have zero secrets and can admit anything and everything to everyone no matter who. If you can, then I truly honor you. And I am not being patronizing, that really is wonderful.

That's my face in my av, And I'm posting to the world I'm a freak, and a sadist and a sexual deviant.

Secrets? Shame? *LOL* Nahhhh, I really am an open book. But then again, my children are now adults, Social Services and Family Court can't say diddley squat about whether I can see them or not now, even if I do expose them to my lifestyle.

No, I've never had an abortion. I've never been preggers. Unlike our bud M_Wisdom though, if I got that way, I'd milk every freaking dime outta the situation because people, that would be NEWS! Web-cam site, movie rights, magazine stories... the whole shebang!

Anyway, back to the topic at hand: I have not had a partner who had an abortion (at least not to my knowledge while they were my partner). When I was many many years younger than I am now, I did however, sire a child out of wedlock. Abortion was considered by the mother and I, and I supported her decision to carry our child to term. We both agreed that the best thing for our child (and ourselves) was to give the baby up for adoption. Had she decided to abort our baby I was prepared to support her in that decision as well.

Wanna know something about me, just ask. If _I_ think it's none-o'-yer-bidness I have no problems saying so. And if I have something relevant or meaningful to contribute I will do so. And I will do so using MY name, MY face, and MY fuck-all attitude. Like I always tell my girl janey: "If you don't want my honest opinion, don't ask me what I think."

And what I think is that if people would stop being scared rabbits, stand up and admit to the world who and what they _really_ are, and kick some fucktard bigotted behind, we'd all learn to be a lot more tolerant and forgiving and open to diversity.

 

[Etoile]

I'm open too. It's me in my av, and you can google me and learn all about me, including (thanks to here) my sexual deviancy. *shrug*

As for the original question - I think it doesn't make much sense to ask about it on the BDSM board. If you want to know people's thoughts about abortion, just ask that. I'm not sure why you need to know if we personally have had abortions (or caused someone to become pregnant and get one, for the men?). It has nothing to do with BDSM, and phrasing it the way you did is a bit strange.

However, I don't have a problem with creating an alt. Sometimes when one is doing research, it's necessary to do such a thing so people don't interpret your comments in a prejudged way. However, there are dangers associated with posting as an alt too, as evidenced by the comments in this thread.

And for anybody who doubts: PostSecret is awesome. But trying to elicit admissions by posting on Lit and inviting replies is not at all the same thing as saying "here's my mailbox, send me your darkest secrets." PS is anonymous, Lit is not. (Even if I don't know EG in real life, I know about him here, and I wouldn't expect him to tell his darkest secrets.) PS is self-selecting from the entire world's population, Lit has an established community where we know each other. I'm sorry to say that Literotica and PostSecret have very little in common, but PostSecret IS awesome.

 

[DreamKeeper]

However, I don't have a problem with creating an alt. Sometimes when one is doing research, it's necessary to do such a thing so people don't interpret your comments in a prejudged way. However, there are dangers associated with posting as an alt too, as evidenced by the comments in this thread.

And for anybody who doubts: PostSecret is awesome. ... I'm sorry to say that Literotica and PostSecret have very little in common, but PostSecret IS awesome.

I'm aware of the dangers, and the pluses as posting as alt or myself. And I chose this path. For the record, I also had zero problem posting it as my normal avatar; I chose this path on principle. I don't have a problem saying my experiences or opinions either on either avater. But since I wanted to start it anon, and incourage others that if they feel - as you said "so people don't interpret my comments in a prejudged way" - to post not exactly as themselves, then do so.

The people that have made a home here on Lit and PostSecret - you are right, do not have much in common. But the Newbies on Lit and PostSecret have alot in common. The only way for "Homies" to be "Newbies" are to somehow transform themselves.
Some... ok... Many here don't feel they need to, they can grab the world by its horns, buck naked, and ride it like they own it -- which is wonderful. Some, don't feel that way. All I'm saying is, to each their own.

As for phrasing, I apologise, I can edit it if suggestions were given to me. Its a toughy and I took a good shot at it.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Colour Me lost...

 

[m wisdom]

...No, I've never had an abortion. I've never been preggers. Unlike our bud M_Wisdom though, if I got that way, I'd milk every freaking dime outta the situation because people, that would be NEWS! Web-cam site, movie rights, magazine stories... the whole shebang!...

Damn, I should have thought about that.