Ability vs desire

[fenghuang]

Is it at all common for a woman to be able to have orgasms but just not be interested in having them?

 

[gloriann]

If she's not interested in sex, I'd say that's probably true. Everyone's different.

 

[silverwhisper]

what prompts the question?

ed

 

[VelvetDarkness]

You can masturbate and climax even when you're not feeling horny, right? Why should women be any different?

 

[Eilan]

There are times when I'm kind of "meh" when it comes to orgasms, even when I want to have sex.

 

[sunandshadow]

I've known both men and women to occasionally become worn out in the process of sex and decide not to try for an orgasm.

 

[CherryBomb24]

i have the mindset of "sex isnt good unless he comes"
i prefer pleasing 100% and ignore my own orgasm. so majority of the time i dont have one.
i dont fake it, i'm very open with it and have only offended a few-unintentionally of course.
i would rather put all my energy into pleasing than be pleased - grantid once in a while to have full focus on myself is nice but i feel like i'm taking advantage of him if i focus on my own orgasm.
but every person is different.

 

[fenghuang]

You can masturbate and climax even when you're not feeling horny, right? Why should women be any different?

I can, but I don't masturbate or try to initiate sex if I'm not horny. Are women that different?

There are times when I'm kind of "meh" when it comes to orgasms, even when I want to have sex.

But not every time, right?

I've known both men and women to occasionally become worn out in the process of sex and decide not to try for an orgasm.

But not every time, right?

i have the mindset of "sex isnt good unless he comes" ...

... which could be frustrating for a partner who wants to give and share, not just to receive. Do you know whay you view it this way?

 

[razorsedge]

I'm sort of sex obsessed, so I find the concept of a woman not wanting to orgasm during sex sort of baffling. But I suppose that's because I can't orgasm during sex, and I really, really want to. So you could say that my desire far outweighs my ability.

 

[Eilan]

But not every time, right?

Not since, say, 1999 or 2000, but that was more of a relationship issue than anything else.

 

[sunandshadow]

But not every time, right?

Certainly not every time for my example. I'm a woman and I personally feel frustrated if I get aroused then can't get to an orgasm; getting worn out or bored before getting to the O is a timing problem or failure of planning IMO.

I can also imagine a woman occasionally initiating sex when she isn't aroused, but again not all the time. (Why to initiate sex when not aroused - if what you actually want is to cuddle, that tends to turn into arousal or is mistaken for initiating sex; if what you actually want is a distraction from a problem, sex is a good distraction; if what you actually want is a back rub, but you know your lover is too distracted to pay attention to you at the moment, or won't give one at all, or will make a token effort at best, initiating sex may be the easiest way to get some attention and petting.)

 

[CherryBomb24]

... which could be frustrating for a partner who wants to give and share, not just to receive. Do you know whay you view it this way?

honestly i'm not sure, but what i would assume would be i was in a long term relationship, got my ass kicked damn near every day. I kept forgiving him like it wouldnt happen again but i always knew it would. When it came to sex he always concentrated solely on me like it was an appology type thing.
Its been years since i got out of that relationship and over the years its developed into something i cannot control. Kind of like "if i please him he wont beat me." I know my boyfriend would never hit me but its still something i cant help as far as sex goes.

i know that if my boyfriend had the same mindset "please and not be pleased" i would get frustrated as well. But as i said - not something i can control.