A year ago.... where or what were you?

[Merelan]

(Inspired by, once again, ebonyfire)

I read a chance remark she made, and have pondered it since.

In another thread she says, quoting her and nemoalia...

(Originally posted by NemoAlia)
It is so weird to read through these old threads and see my name in front of posts that I don't even remember writing! Heh, it's like I'm a different person than I was a year ago."

Ebonyfire remarks,
I can identify in that although I may be the same person I was a year ago, my focus is a lot different now.


Are you different? Or is it your focus maybe that has changed? In regards to bdsm, or otherwise.
I truly believe we touch others in our wanderings through life. In doing so we change them, in minute ways, and others. so if this be true to you, then let them know.

1. How have you changed this past year? Are you happy with it?

2. Who here helped in that change? Or maybe we are just playthings to while away your time, and that's fine too. We need rest time, play time to balance life.



Shall I answer?

1. Yes I have changed. In small, and in major ways. I have been blessed with friends who hold my hand, or push me out the door when needed. I am more open with others about what I need, and do not hide it inside as much. For that I have learned it is not selfish to ask, but is selfish not to let them help, or give to me.
This relates to "outside" life as well as my sensual life. I am slowly learning how to balance my life, and though I am not always a good juggler, I pick up the balls and keep trying, not waiting for someone else to do it.

I still yearn for submission, but I have learned to accept the little parts of it, and cherish the loving that I am so blessed with.

I think I am a better friend now, no, I know I am. I do not always agree with others, and now am not afraid to tell them so when it is important.
I am more patient, though not always.

There are many ways I have changed.
The most profound is that I feel grown up, no longer a teenager. I am a woman now, in my mother's eyes. Never before did I feel she saw me grown and on my own. I am her favorite, I know that now, most like her in the ways that matter. And now, even though I am losing her physically, I know she is a part of me, a good and special poart, that only by having these last months, when we knew them to be the last, did I see this.
(for those that don't know, I am 38)

Enough rambling.......


2. Who here has changed me?

I would like to say all of you. But that isn't fair, though it is true. I am not listing, I hate lists. But some of you I have gotten to know outside these four "walls". And those I maybe have never pm'd, I learn from you too. Even those I dislike. I learn patience and understanding from you, and how not to peek at a thread you start, no matter how intriquing the title.

Mostly I have learned, here at this forum, our little haven on the web, that it is okay to be different. It is "normal" to want things others don't. To crave the feelings and needs I have. To go wild at the thought of simply kneeling at her feet, and seeing "that" look in her eyes.
To know I have made someone proud of "owning" me.

Okay, I think I blew my own thread. Pardon me while I find a kleenex and a cup of coffee. Maybe later I can post with more sense.

 

[WynEternal]

I am the same as I was a year ago, not sure if that's good or bad. I haven't really changed much except maybe growning up where dreams have to make way for reality. There's so much I want to say right now, but the words escape me.

 

[Desdemona]

Merelan, interesting thread!

I have changed since this time last year. I'm stronger and have lived through a couple of losses that I thought would break me.

I have new friends and loves that I cherish who know and accept me for who I am. Many of them are now a part of my real life and I met them here at Lit.

I've tasted the magic that is possible between a Dominant and submissive. This time last year, I was searching for it. When I stopped looking, He found me.

I've learned that I don't have to be in a monogamous relationship to be happy and fulfilled; polyamory is a valid choice for me. I'm learning to share. I could not have imagined doing so this time last year.

I've learned that age is just a number and not an indicator of strength, maturity or wisdom. I can indeed submit to a younger Dom. This time last year, I never would have believed it.

Although I'm still overly fond of immediate gratification, I'm learning patience and to enjoy my journey. My limits have expanded greatly and I've learned to trust again.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I am the same person, but my focus is difference.

My focus is enjoying the present while planning for the future.

I am still focused toward obtaining my 24/7 magic, but I am not obsessed by it.

I can enjoy my reality as it stands right now, and not worry about what will happen.

 

[cellis]

I have changed so much in the last year... I don't even know where to start.

I hope I am wiser, maybe, maybe not. I have experienced great joy and the depths of sorrow. I have gained much in the last year and faced losses as well.

I don't know that I am a better person than I was a year ago... but I have learned that I don't have to yell to be heard.

I have talents that have been honored by others that I never knew I had.

and probably most of all...

I have been blessed by the ones who have entered my life...

My cup is full.




~s

 

[Justina123]

One year ago I was caring for my long time vanilla love who was dying of cancer; and I was exploring bdsm and playing occasionally (with my love's general permission, "you have to get on with your life"), for a release. My emotions were a tangle. Those last couple of months were a "never want to live through" again.

So 2003 has all the hallmarks of being the start of something wonderful, thanks to B and new beginnings.

Enough said, sounds like a poor written soap opera, oh geesh...

- justina

 

[DRxBlue]

For me, the whole world has changed...

It was March 14th (roughly) when i found the Lit BDSM forum, and instantly-- my life was new.

Something about the questing, curious, unabashed attitude that lifestylers have just crystallized a part of my character which had been formless.

i've met the MOST interesting people of my life right here, and embraced them as family. For they feel like parts of my heart that i've always wished for. (Right,sis?)

Call it "The Quickening"? This gathering of benevolent spirits has me smiling wider everyday. i feel as if i'm drying my new fledged wings in the Sun.

Preparing for flight...

That's what it feels like, even moreso than the 60's. And this time i'm gonna be clean and sober for it...cool

This is news!

GOOD NEWS!
Blue

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: For me, the whole world has changed...

For they feel like parts of my heart that i've always wished for. (Right,sis?)

Blue

Right, Bro.

Kissy kissy!!

 

[NemoAlia]

A year ago I was way more involved in real-life BDSM than I am now.

I was also (I like to believe) a little more selfish, a little less patient, a little more stressed, and a little less reclusive. Not to mention single, not in a band, and living alone.

Now I'm engaged, in a band, living and working in a community, hiding away from the world (except when I can't) and holding my work to higher standards.

Overall, I'd say I'm slower, more thoughtful, and more selective.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Overall, I'd say I'm slower, more thoughtful, and more selective.

A good thing, right? I think so. I too have slowed down considerably.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

A year ago, I was at the beginning of a relationship... I was happy, and in love and really really into sex. I was recovering from a car accident, I was in school.

I am further along in the relationship, and all the rest is the same... but what's changed?

Well, I'm now a working woman.. I'm a receptionist.. and it feels good to work, while still in school.

I've grown.. physically: I've grown about an inch, and I've gained some weight.

I've grown... spiritually: I am learning and understanding more.. and those things I don't understand, I am seeking to. I am opening my mind every day, in the hopes of reaching some kind of enlightenment.

I've seen things... I've seen friends crumble, I've seen men hurt women, and women hurt men, and I have been blissfully free of such hurts over the last year, Praise God. I'm so very happy about that.

I am standing on the edge of the fence, ready to cry at many moments.. I am watching my parents' marriage dissipate.. I'm watching them put the house on the market and search for separate places to live. I'm watching the hurt they both feel, and the guilt they both feel. I've seen them cry, and they feel like they're damaging my brother and I. I don't think they're doing all that much damage, and they ARE doing a lot of good.. I've seen this coming for about 9 years now. But it's hard. And it makes me cry. Sometimes, I just feel so weak, but I know that I'm not, because I have endured so much, and I am still standing.

I am stronger, in the sense of dealing with my past. I am so thankful for that strength. I am more honest now.. I told my mother about the violence in my past, and I came clean about the lies I covered that violence up in. It feels really good to have all that off my shoulders.

And I have learned about myself sexually... Before I came to Lit, I didn't know I was a submissive. I mean, I knew that I liked certain activities, like light bondage, etc, but I didn't know the philosophy or the psychology behind submissiveness and dominance. I'd never talked about it, asked about it, listened to someone wiser than me speak about it. And I have done that. I have learned some, and it's created a thirst to continue learning. I now know that my submissive nature is seen in all facets of my life, and I don't want to hide it. I cherish it, rather than thinking that I'm weak. I have created a long post about why I am a submissive, and it's posted here, in the BDSM board...

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?threadid=125474&highlight=vixenshe


I am so proud of that post.. because it was a breakthrough in my own self-understanding. I learned a bit about myself when I wrote all that down. And I like what I learned.

I have changed so much... and I have so many people to thank for guidance along the way... but I hope I have made clear to all of you individually how grateful I am.

Love, life, and eternal happiness.


*edited to add the link to my long post*

 

[Ebonyfire]

A year ago, I was at the beginning of a relationship... I was happy, and in love and really really into sex. I was recovering from a car accident, I was in school.

I am further along in the relationship, and all the rest is the same... but what's changed?

Well, I'm now a working woman.. I'm a receptionist.. and it feels good to work, while still in school.

I've grown.. physically: I've grown about an inch, and I've gained some weight.

I've grown... spiritually: I am learning and understanding more.. and those things I don't understand, I am seeking to. I am opening my mind every day, in the hopes of reaching some kind of enlightenment.

I've seen things... I've seen friends crumble, I've seen men hurt women, and women hurt men, and I have been blissfully free of such hurts over the last year, Praise God. I'm so very happy about that.

I am standing on the edge of the fence, ready to cry at many moments.. I am watching my parents' marriage dissipate.. I'm watching them put the house on the market and search for separate places to live. I'm watching the hurt they both feel, and the guilt they both feel. I've seen them cry, and they feel like they're damaging my brother and I. I don't think they're doing all that much damage, and they ARE doing a lot of good.. I've seen this coming for about 9 years now. But it's hard. And it makes me cry. Sometimes, I just feel so weak, but I know that I'm not, because I have endured so much, and I am still standing.

I am stronger, in the sense of dealing with my past. I am so thankful for that strength. I am more honest now.. I told my mother about the violence in my past, and I came clean about the lies I covered that violence up in. It feels really good to have all that off my shoulders.

And I have learned about myself sexually... Before I came to Lit, I didn't know I was a submissive. I mean, I knew that I liked certain activities, like light bondage, etc, but I didn't know the philosophy or the psychology behind submissiveness and dominance. I'd never talked about it, asked about it, listened to someone wiser than me speak about it. And I have done that. I have learned some, and it's created a thirst to continue learning. I now know that my submissive nature is seen in all facets of my life, and I don't want to hide it. I cherish it, rather than thinking that I'm weak. I have created a long post about why I am a submissive, and it's posted here, in the BDSM board... I am so proud of that post.. because it was a breakthrough in my own self-understanding. I learned a bit about myself when I wrote all that down. And I like what I learned.

I have changed so much... and I have so many people to thank for guidance along the way... but I hope I have made clear to all of you individually how grateful I am.

Love, life, and eternal happiness.

Wow, vixen, what a very candid and thoughtful post.

Sorry about your parents and congratulations on your new job.

Eb

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Wow, vixen, what a very candid and thoughtful post.

Sorry about your parents and congratulations on your new job.

Eb

Thank you... and my parents... it sucks, but I do believe it's right.. they will be happier this way...

and the job is cool..

 

[Justina123]

I am so proud of that post.. because it was a breakthrough in my own self-understanding. I learned a bit about myself when I wrote all that down. And I like what I learned.

Vixen- thank you for sharing, I like that too about the Lit Board, it's one of the nicest I've found for doms and subs to be able to share from the heart without wondering who will pick it apart, but rather add insight. I've gained a lot by reading of others experiences and points of view, and I also find as you do, posting is many times a self-learning experience.

- justina

 

[AvaAdore]

this time last year, i was in a relationship that i was not happy in, only i didnt realize it at the time. i am now in a different (and more kinky ) relationship and definately much much happier.

i only came to the forums here a short while ago, so no one here that i can think of changed me, though i have found many different and interesting perspectives of BDSM. however, i've been reading the stories here for over 2 years and they have definately contributed to what i like now.

 

[DRxBlue]

This is a NICE thread!

Vixenshe! What a wonderful post! You concentrate on the new green, growing things in your life and seem to have developed patience with the things which have to be accepted.

That's the kind of balance a lot of people spend vast sums of money to try and achieve. Those who achieve it, all know that it's free... it's freedom itself.

Nemoalia! i've got to find out more about this band! We should share a stage someday! Being "Banded" is one of those things that is worth a lot of hassles. It's just like being married to a bunch of weirdohs!

i hope more people, like you AvaAdore, are happy about their own progress this year. Lit is such a great place to find new ways to think!

Eb, i hope you know that just landing in one piece after this past year is a MAJOR good thing. You still just glow with the appetite for more adventure. You make me willing to take a few more chances, if greater love is the prize.

Blue

 

[MissTaken]

A year ago, after having had a lousy experience in my submissive rush into BDSM, I was taking a break. In fact, I was denying that D/s had a place in my life .

Like NemoAlia, I, too, am taking things much slower and am in a much better head space when it comes to chosing play partners or a potential "suitor" *giggles*

IN terms of other facets of my life, things were very difficult on the home front with finances and health issues. Fortunately, the health issues have resolved. The financial picture hasn't changed but a few wise choices on my part of made it manageable and a new job is in the offing.

They say it takes three years to get back on your feet after a divorce. I am two thirds of hte way there!

Onward and upward!

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Thank you, Justinia and DRxBlue... Like I said, I'm proud of myself for learning me so well.

 

[k_girl23]

I've changed from the person I was a year ago, even the person I was half a year ago. I take less things for granted, spend more time with friends and family and less time working. I've grown up and matured and put things in perspective and re ordered my priorities. Mainly because of almost loosing a friend in a car accident.

 

[Richard49]

I have changed so much over the last year
I could write a book

Some who have helped in that change are here
some have gone
and yet others have never been here

But I am still a Dom
and find nothing lovelier then a submissives red hot ass that I have made that

 

[Richard49]

A year ago, after having had a lousy experience in my submissive rush into BDSM, I was taking a break. In fact, I was denying that D/s had a place in my life .

Like NemoAlia, I, too, am taking things much slower and am in a much better head space when it comes to chosing play partners or a potential "suitor" *giggles*

IN terms of other facets of my life, things were very difficult on the home front with finances and health issues. Fortunately, the health issues have resolved. The financial picture hasn't changed but a few wise choices on my part of made it manageable and a new job is in the offing.

They say it takes three years to get back on your feet after a divorce. I am two thirds of hte way there!

Onward and upward!

I wish I did not understand the financial issues

 

[Goddess Helena]

I have changed in the past year.
I am more confident as a woman and as a Domme. This place has helped me with that. Miss Ebony has taught me and given me the most through her wise and wickedly funny posts.
I had a realistic romantic relationship with a wonderful young man that I transformed from an over-eager boy with a head full of ideas into a beautifully trained slaveboy. I am very proud of him and what we had.
I came here full of doubt and Shadowsdream and EbonyFire reminded me why I am what I am, and why it's a good choice for me.
I am calmer and feel more settled in my skin now.


Helena

 

[DRxBlue]

i'd like to put on a harmony to that tune, Goddess Helena

I have changed in the past year.
I am more confident as a woman and as a Domme. This place has helped me with that. Miss Ebony has taught me and given me the most through her wise and wickedly funny posts.
I had a realistic romantic relationship with a wonderful young man that I transformed from an over-eager boy with a head full of ideas into a beautifully trained slaveboy. I am very proud of him and what we had.
I came here full of doubt and Shadowsdream and EbonyFire reminded me why I am what I am, and why it's a good choice for me.
I am calmer and feel more settled in my skin now.


Helena

In the something like 55 weeks since i discovered Literotica i've gone through a complete reneweal of attitude, found acceptance and self-acceptance and made the greatest friends EVER!

To both Ebonyfire (whom i "soul adopted") and Shadowsdream(Whom i worship *in my way*) i owe a debt of gratitude. They have taught me to be proud of my SELF.

The fact that W/we meet because of a "mutual interest in erotica" makes it quite ironic that Lit sometimes feels like wonderful school, more than a porn sight.

i love it here
Blue

 

[Merelan]

This is a porn site?

 

[Pixie Mischief]

I've changed alot over the past yeaer.. BF being responsible for some of this.. also. I've gotten older. last year I was obssesed about a man who well a boy.. who rather spend money to buy a PS2 then come and meet me. He always had an excuse. And would get mad when he called and I wouldnt pick up. I sleep sometimes you know! or if it was busy hed be like "Who where you talking to!" I didnt see it but he was a nut job. He seemed to wanna fuck my aunt to or something long story. also last year I was almost raped.. I've come a long ways and changed quiet abit of the year.