A Wordy Problem From A Relative Novice

[lady_cat13]

Hello there everyone-

I can hardly believe I'm on this site at all, and the blushing hasn't died down at all yet, but I'm getting better. Anyway, I wrote my first attempt at an erotic story back in October, on a bet actually. In addition to totally shocking a friend of mine who apparently thought I was completely innocent and naive, have found that I really like this kind of writing- up to a point. This is where I'm wondering if I need help.

I have a problem writing... ah, certain explicit words. I don't curse or use such language myself, so if I try to include it in my writing, it doesn't seem to work at all and sounds ridiculous. None of my current stories have much, if any, truly dodgy language, and everyone who's written has told me they've enjoyed them. But I am wondering whether the way I've been writing is... well, what people want? Do people want to hear the coarse language, the specifics? Or is it ok to leave the explicit description to the imagination?

The people who have provided feedback have been so wonderfully supportive with their positive comments about my novice attempts at erotica. The only thing is, their nice thoughts won't help me improve my writing much. If anyone has the time or inclination, I'd really appreciate some constructive criticism, and some opinions as to whether or not I should try to get a bit more 'down and dirty' with language.

Anyway, my stories are pretty short, and can be found here:

http://english.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=585679&page=submissions

Thanks in advance for any help you may be!
lady_cat13

 

[tintarron]

I just read 'if I had words' - I found it extremely erotic, despite the absence of cocks and dicks and rigid poles, or whatever. It's not so simple as a choice of words - by not using these signifiers, your story defines the lover's penis (also awkward word) as part of his total being -

'That's all there is to it. I see you, standing straight and proud, and feel my mouth go dry. Slowly, I reach out to grasp you in my hands.'

Not your dick or your cock but you. As a man I find this extremely arousing, and I like it as a reader too.

keep it up -
-t

 

[Chimney Sweep]

Very well done!

I just read "Maple Tree Fantasy" and I must say that was very nicely done. There was just enough anatomy to make it hot, but the way you handle most references makes the story sound more sensual, more erotic, as opposed to pornographic. It was also very literate and well constructed. I get tired of reading middle-school level English out here.

I like your style. I think you handle the lack of raunchy anatomy very well. Quite often the naughty words get in the way and are cliched and overused, so eschewing them almost entirely is an excellent choice, I think. It makes you a bit different frmo the norm, and that is a good thing. It's a more romantic thing, focussing on the person more than the organ.

As to specific criticism - I'm not sure I have any. I did not notice any grammatical errors and you danced around the typical anatomical references VERY well. I never once felt like you were specifically avoiding a word or phrase or that the use of some naughty word would enhance the story. You handle the description masterfully so that we all know exactly what is going on so there is no need to be more explicit. I would not change a thing in that story.

ps - It is all a bit naughty, isn't it? I once thought I was quite the perverted little creature, but since I found this place I've come to realize that I am plain vanilla. I debated endlessly before I finally generated the nerve to post here. After the first one it was easy, though. I suppose I am still dreadfully embarassed by it, as I have still not told anybody I know.

 

[lady_cat13]

Thanks

Thanks guys, for your comments. I really appreciate you taking the time to read over my stories! I'll keep trying I guess

 

[SimonBrooke]

Dodging the issue

I have a problem writing... ah, certain explicit words. I don't curse or use such language myself, so if I try to include it in my writing, it doesn't seem to work at all and sounds ridiculous. None of my current stories have much, if any, truly dodgy language, and everyone who's written has told me they've enjoyed them. But I am wondering whether the way I've been writing is... well, what people want? Do people want to hear the coarse language, the specifics? Or is it ok to leave the explicit description to the imagination?

I think you need to think a bit about what you mean by dodgy language. There's no reason why latinate words (penis, vagina) are inherently less 'dodgy' than anglo-saxon ones (cock, cunt). They have other overtones, of course. But the anglo-saxon words are simply the ordinary everyday straightforward words that people have used for generations. They are also etymologically interesting, and as you learn more about their etymology you understand more about our ancestors' attitudes to sexuality. The root of 'cunt' is the same as the root of 'cunning' and of the Scots verb 'ken'; it means 'wisdom'.

From about 1860 for about a hundred years there was a tremendous repression of talking, or thinking, or writing about sex in the English speaking world. It didn't exist before then. Up until the nineteenth century respectable poets had published extremely erotic poetry (including clergymen - see Andrew Marvell's 'To His Coy Mistress'). For a poem which would surprise even most authors on this site, see Robert Burns 'Nine inch Will Please A Lady' (yes, it is what you think it is, but they won't thank to repeat it in most Burns' Clubs these days!).

Relax. Word aren't dirty. Sex isn't dirty (well, you may need a shower afterwards). But, if you have trouble with the words, don't worry; you've proved in 'If I Had Words...' that you can manage just fine without.

 

[Guest]

Prompted by this post, I just read and commented on one of your stories. I thought it was wonderful! I didn't see a problem with the language at all, given the overall feel of the story.

Remember: You are never going to please everyone. Never.

For example, I don't write "stroke" stories, and some only come here for those. (No, no pun intended!) I write MY stories, and I write them in MY way. I like to think that my way is improving with time and practice, but I have not changed it to suit the tastes of others, only to make the story-telling more alive, vivid, clear, etc. I can't see that adding "filthier" language would improve your stories in that way.

I haven't seen that you've done this, but I would just avoid clinical descriptions of sex. "He inserted his penis into her vagina." That's a turn off for everyone. In other words, don't read like a sex instruction manual! It's better to be vague and allude to the action than to go down that road!

And, I do agree with Simon. Relax. Sex is an expression, a common ground, a part of the human experience. It's okay to blush, though. I hear some men find it sexy. Trying to remember the last time a man made me blush and suddenly feeling like a whore! LOL

Hope that helps! Good Luck!

 

[Jen24]

Just finished reading 'If I had Words'

I was impressed by the way you actually engage with the language problem in the story itself.

"I wish that I could tell you exactly what I'd like to do to you, but I haven't the words. I see you, lying next to me, and all I want to do is let you know how I feel. Even now, while you're asleep, I just can't make myself voice all of the wicked thoughts that are spinning through my mind."

These opening lines pretty much amount to a literary manifesto; you announce yourself as the coy eroticist. The solution you so elegantly arrive at: let action speak for itself, the crude sexual demotic is unnecessary.

You don't need to worry too much about hoi polloi clamouring for vulgarity; you are not alone in having more delicate or refined sensibilities. It's nice to see something actually different on this site. The great majority of the stories - particularly the sex -end up sounding and feeling precisely the same as one another. It's the experience of seeing something new, the shock of the unfamiliar, that lifts a story out of the mire of cocks and pussies and throbbing and pulsating (oh-so tedious and cliched after a while) and gets it noticed and remembered.

So, keep doing what you're doing, carving out a genteel niche for yourself and you'll find that you've acquired a loyal following - those who eschew the easy word choices and the formulaic fucking in favour of something more ingeniously expressed or more substantial. As for myself, I am attracted to the image of the storyteller as naughty coquette over the breathy pornography of the amorous schoolboy who is endlessly shocked and amused by his own audacity and his own sneering boorishness. I applaud a writer who does not choose the path of least resistance and who dares to trust the imagination of her readers. Bravo and keep writing.

 

[curl4ever]

Or is it ok to leave the explicit description to the imagination?

Dear lady_cat,

After noticing this thread and clicking on your stories link, I immediately recognized "If I Had Words..." as a story I had already read several months ago. Even after such a long time, I had vivid memories of how erotic and sensual the story was. Upon rereading this morning, it had the same mesmerizing power.

You write with an amazing voice! Please don't worry about conforming to anyone else's style.

-curl

 

[olivefun]

"If I Had Words..." is deeply erotic, reminding me of a time when I had fewer constraints on my time, when I could just enjoy the body of a man I loved most deeply. Anticipation and fulfilment combined so fruitfully.
The feeling of my tongue doing what my fingers just did to the tip of a body part which is so expressive is so fantastic. Thank you

 

[curl4ever]

Dear lady_cat,

After noticing this thread and clicking on your stories link, I immediately recognized "If I Had Words..." as a story I had already read several months ago. Even after such a long time, I had vivid memories of how erotic and sensual the story was. Upon rereading this morning, it had the same mesmerizing power.

You write with an amazing voice! Please don't worry about conforming to anyone else's style.

-curl

I read my way through the rest of your stories today. Thank you for a truly delightful afternoon!

By the way, if I were unattached, I would be tempted to send you the same feedback someone once sent me (though I might recast the grammar): "If you can make love as hotly as you write, I am your slave. Forever."

Your husband (or significant other) is a very lucky man!
-curl

 

[Frank Noir]

I once read that David Lynch has the same problem. So when he directed Dennis Hopper in "Blue Velvet", he'd say: "Now, Dennis, when you say... that word..."

I don't think you should worry about what people "want". Readers have different tastes - no story will ever please everyone.

It's all about the story having a consistent "voice". The narrator is like a character in your story, having a certain voice and vocabulary. And your style of erotic writing seems works perfectly well without the "dirty" words. (Unlike stroke stories like mine - they need as many dirty words as possible)

If you need a good euphemism, you could do what Jerzy Kosinski did and use the word "flesh" - as in "his flesh", "her flesh". It's neither clinical nor vulgar.

 

[lady_cat13]

Thanks

Thanks a bunch for the encouragement and advice! I hadn't really thought of writing in a particular style, so much as avoiding the ones that make me blush the worst. Having a certain 'voice' though... I can deal with that!