a whole new me

[sallygirl]

fix your flaws

"Hey, do you know where I can get a new personality?"
"Sure, they sell them at Walmart, only $24.97!"
"Cool, I gotta get me one of those!"

One of my high school teachers once said our personalities are set by high school and won't change much, barring some drastic life-altering event. At the time I simply accepted that statement, but now I'm wondering:

Do you believe you could change some fundamental part of your personality if you really wanted (or needed) to? Could Macbeth have curtailed his ambition before it led him to tragedy? HOW?

I'm sure most of us have something we'd like to change about ourselves. What would you change?



[Edited by sallygirl on 09-16-2000 at 12:10 PM]

 

[sallygirl]

Nobody has an opinion on this? I thought it was an interesting question

 

[Silverlily]

It is and I've just been mulling it over looking for the right words.

I think your high school teacher was wrong in making a concrete statement. While I agree, most people remain the smae, not everyone does.

Example: A year ago, I was a career-driven, uptight perfectionist who based a person's value only on their occupation. I was completely heterosexual and unwilling to try new things. I was an Easter-only Christian.

I'm not sure what exactly happened, but today, I stay home with my kids and only work part-time. I have loved my first (but not last) girlfriend and am up for anything that's not illegal or dangerous. I have also given up on Christianity and have begun exploring more pagan beliefs.

You could say I am finally being myself, but I was comfortable as the former me. I don't think my life expectancy would be as long, but it wasn't a struggle to maintain. The only change I have made due to unhappiness is I have stopped trying to be dominant and have accepted that I am a submissive switch.

I hope this helps. =^..^=

 

[lala]

well, as a woman i would hate to think i could never change, i just left a thread where women expressed their love of change, we change our hair, our clothes, our makeup, our homes, our handbags, our wallets, those shape or reflect the changes is us. years have gone by where i've been the same, and then months have gone by where i'm become a new person. we change our whole lives, form beginning to end, i watch my grandmother's personality change, she used to be mean and cruel, and she has found things that make her happy and i swear someone took my real nana. if you believe the way i do, that life is about the journey, of discovery and learning, and most of all pursuit of happiness, then you shouldn't also be able to believe that we can't change.

 

[Ambrosious]

I heard something that fits here nicely.

Women marry hoping they will be able to change thier husbands.

Men marry hoping their wives never change.



Now, after three years my wife is complaining that I don't challenge her to change. What? I should start nagging every habit or action she takes for the next three weeks and see how that suits her. I don't want to nag her into changing. One of us in the house is enough.

 

[Jester]

Yeah, it's possible to change aspects of your personality, it's just not easy. For the average person, I think that it is hard enough that it takes a major attitude-affecting event to act as the catalyst for that change. Some people are strong-willed and self-confident enough by deciding on their own that they want to change. You definitely need to have some insight into your own character to be able to do this. My own major personality changes began after my first romantic relationship ended.

If there was something that I could change easily, right now it would either be my procrastination tendencies or my shyness in social situations.

That, and I'd make it so that I had good retorts ready on demand and not later that night!

 

[sallygirl]

Thanks for the responses, guys!

I agree with lala that we can and do change throughout our lives as we continue to learn and experience new things.

But can we make these changes willfully? I think we can only change the way we BEHAVE, not the way we ARE. For example, a person who is shy by nature might be able to force herself to ACT more outgoing in a social situation, but inside she would still be shy.

Ambrosious, your wife may be able to change your behaviour with her nagging, but I don't think she's changing your personality.

Kitten, did these changes come about because you were unhappy and wanted to change, or did they just sort of happen? Was there a catalyst to change?

Jester's the only one who spoke of willfully making changes. What you say makes sense, but I still can't help but wonder if it's just the behaviour that's changing, and not the actual personality.

 

[Jester]

That IS kind of a sticky point, sallygirl. How can you differentiate between a change in behaviour and a change in personality? I don't think that anyone other than yourself can determine that, since it is such an individual thing.

For instance, if you have a kind of personality that is open to or wishing for change and you DO change, then your personality is the same even if you change, because that is your nature (hope that line of reasoning wasn't too convoluted).

Maybe you have a core personality and a lesser personality. The core characteristics that you possess stick with you your whole life. They're a big part of what makes you YOU. Then the lesser personality would be things that you can or are willing to change. Wrapped outside of those are the behaviors that can always be altered. If this line of reasoning is true, then the only way to change a core aspect of yourself would be something devistating like a chemical or physical alteration to one's brain.

The only other thing that I can think of involves the alteration of behaviour. If you alter your behaviour and keep it that way for a long time, maybe it begins to change you. If you are sincere in your desire to change, the changed behaviour may work its way into you, thus altering that aspect of your personality.

Or, maybe I've taken one too many philosophy classes

 

[Samuari]

Chicken or egg?

Which comes first? To change the personality, start by changing behavor, or change core beliefs, and watch behavor change. Yes, both! I don't think that these are mutally exclusive, but rather express a dynamic process that is more development then growth.

Back to the orginal querrie, your teacher was wrong, sally. People can and do change, learn from mistakes, find mentors, or simply assert themselves. I certinlly hope that i am not the same self-rightous snob that I was 30 years ago, when I graduated from high school.

 

[Savage Kitten]

I agree with Samuari

Your childhood can mold the adult you become but it doesn't mean that people can't and don't improve themselves and in some cases even change for the worse.

Hopefully most of us learn from our mistakes and expierences. I can tell you I have a totally different personality now than I did 10yrs ago

 

[Jester]

Here, here!

Yeah, what Samuari said.

Thanks, I tend to get a little wordy sometimes.

I also would also hope that I'm not the same introverted, depressed, arrogant little downer that I was in High school!
Who needs that?