A <thing> walks into a bar and...
- Thread starter shereads
- Start date
G
Guest
Guest
A 1-wood walks into a bar with several irons and a pitching wedge. The others order beers and shots; the 1-wood asks for a Coke. When the bartender raises an eyebrow, the 1-wood explains, "I'm the designated driver."
china-doll
Wicked
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Posts
- 1,516
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Cleric all walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
china-doll
Wicked
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Posts
- 1,516
A man walks into a bar... *thunk*... "Ow."
G
Guest
Guest
A teacup walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look and says, "We don't serve your kind, here."
G
Guest
Guest
(And the classic, so-old-it's-got-whiskers one...)
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender growls, "We don't serve your kind. Now get out."
The rope leaves but, after some thought, twists himself into a knot and frays out one end. He walks back into the bar.
"Hey, aren't you that rope that was just in here?" the bartender snaps.
"I'm a frayed knot."
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender growls, "We don't serve your kind. Now get out."
The rope leaves but, after some thought, twists himself into a knot and frays out one end. He walks back into the bar.
"Hey, aren't you that rope that was just in here?" the bartender snaps.
"I'm a frayed knot."
glynndah
good little witch.
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2005
- Posts
- 26,903
A blind man walked into a bar with his Guide dog. He grabbed the dog by the tail and began swinging him in circles over his head. The bartender told him to stop and asked what he thought he was doing. He blind man said, "Sorry, I just wanted to look around."
As told by a 5th grader yesterday
As told by a 5th grader yesterday
shereads
Sloganless
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2003
- Posts
- 19,242
Duck Joke (a drum roll, please.)
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"
"No, I don't have any grapes."
The next day, the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"
"No, I don't have any grapes."
The next day and the next and the day after that, the duck walks into the bar and always asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"
After a week of this, the bartender is fed up. "Listen, duck. I didn't have any grapes the first time you came in here. I don't have any grapes now. I don't plan to get any grapes. And the next time you come in here asking for grapes, I'm gonna nail your little webbed feet to the bar!"
----
A day or so later, the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Got any nails?"
"No! I don't have any nails!"
"Got any grapes?"
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"
"No, I don't have any grapes."
The next day, the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"
"No, I don't have any grapes."
The next day and the next and the day after that, the duck walks into the bar and always asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"
After a week of this, the bartender is fed up. "Listen, duck. I didn't have any grapes the first time you came in here. I don't have any grapes now. I don't plan to get any grapes. And the next time you come in here asking for grapes, I'm gonna nail your little webbed feet to the bar!"
----
A day or so later, the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Got any nails?"
"No! I don't have any nails!"
"Got any grapes?"
Vermilion
Original Flavour
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2006
- Posts
- 7,379
A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The barman takes a good look at him and asks "why the long face?"
duh dum.
----------------
A ghost walks into a bar and orders a whisky. The barman laughs at him and turns away. "Sorry, we don't serve spirits"
<grin>
The barman takes a good look at him and asks "why the long face?"
duh dum.
----------------
A ghost walks into a bar and orders a whisky. The barman laughs at him and turns away. "Sorry, we don't serve spirits"
<grin>
G
Guest
Guest
GrrOOOOOOOOOan!
JagFarlane
Gone Hiking
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2003
- Posts
- 9,713
Agreed
voluptuary_manque
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2007
- Posts
- 30,841
These are great (for a given value of "great", that is) we should collect them into a book.
Weird Harold
Opinionated Old Fart
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2000
- Posts
- 23,768
Bear walks in, drops a $100 bill on the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender figures he's just a dumb animal, even if he can talk, and shorts him $20 on the change.
The Bear says nothing and just sips his beer.
Finally, curiosity gets the better of the bartender. "We don't get many talking bears in here."
"At $22.50 a beer, I'm not surprised," the bear replies.
gauchecritic
When there are grey skies
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2002
- Posts
- 7,076
A white horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky. the barman says "Hey, this whiskys's named after you."
The horse says "What? Charlie?"
The horse says "What? Charlie?"
shereads
Sloganless
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2003
- Posts
- 19,242
I heard that one with Celine Dion instead of the horse.
gauchecritic
When there are grey skies
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2002
- Posts
- 7,076
a man walks into a parallel dimension and finds himself sat on the shoulder of a duck.(whose in a bar)
lisa123414
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2006
- Posts
- 1,192
forgive me!
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink, and while he's drinking it, the monkey jumps around
all over the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some
sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the
cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just
did!?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!", says the
bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron, he eats everything
in sight. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino
cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it in his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now!?", he
asks.
"Now what?", responds the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and
ate it!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball
he measures everything first!"
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink, and while he's drinking it, the monkey jumps around
all over the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some
sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the
cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just
did!?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!", says the
bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron, he eats everything
in sight. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino
cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it in his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now!?", he
asks.
"Now what?", responds the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and
ate it!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball
he measures everything first!"
