A sub with fantasies that aren't being fulfilled!

[BadGirlsRule]

Yeah, this thread should be re-named subfrenzy

I'm definitely a sub...tried to roleplay as the Domme but I'm so naturally and truly submissive, I don't feel comfortable being any other way (except in my deepest fantasies, I am finally able to let that Bitch out!!!) As a side note, I DID enjoy that sense of power when I fucked H/him with the strap-on. I loved imagining what it felt like to be Him for once. I even love interacting with other people who appear to be more submissive than I am...which aren't many!

Anyways, I have so many fantasies that run through my mind all the time. He knows what they are. I allude to them in everyday conversation. I also flat-out describe them in detail and basically BEG for Him to help me fulfill them.

He's been amazing at those things that we've tried. He's very smart and knows just what makes me tick. He knows that going at such a slow pace drives me utterly insane. I know for a fact that He will eventually take me any place I want to go. But I want it ALL and I want it NOW! lol

Tonight, I wanted...begged...for Him to let me tag along to the titty bar with Him and His buddies. Not as a couple. He's fine with me partying and acting like the slut that I am...whether He's with me or not. Then I realized that I would have more fun being His dirty little whore out in the parking lot. He's given me away/shared me plenty of times before.

I'm at the point where I'm so obsessed with this fantasy tonight that I would do anything to make it happen. I want Him to send guys out there to use me and treat me as bad as I deserve to be treated...and then drive me home and push my filthy ass out of the car. And then peel out in my stone driveway while I'm still lying on the ground...covering me with dirt and stones.

I don't know if He just doesn't want me to go, or if He's just making me suffer in silence by ignoring my wants/needs.

So how do I continue to be a good little sub and get rid of this crazy, electric energy I feel in my mind tonight? When I look in the mirror, I can see THAT look in my eyes. I just get this wild, crazy, insane look. Fuck...it even turns ME on!

There are so many pathetic men out there who would jump me in an instant. Why do I have to only want the ones who are a challenge? I hate it...I love it. It's all a part of the game, isn't it?

Happy (Horny) Saturday Night, Everybody! Especially all of you Doms out there!

 

[george51]

Oh dear, but that was good...

I think anyone would leap on you. Pity I am not a dom.. I could practice, but I think you either are or your not.

.....

I re-thought this reply. A bit shallow.. There must be a lot of women on this site like you? Good luck.

PM to self. Stop making worthless comments..

 

[BadGirlsRule]

It's all about the mind fuck. He's giving me the mind fuck by not even responding to me. He knows I hate it. He knows it drives me crazy. He knows I love being on the edge of crazy. He knows it turns me on as much as it turns me off. He knows I will still be here waiting for Him to do as He wishes...no matter how long it takes. He loves having that Power over me. I hate that I give Him that Power over me.

But I crave it. I want it. I need it.

I need someone to just take control of me. Right now. But He won't do it to me tonight. Or will He?

That's exactly what He's doing. Taking control of me by shutting me out. And He knows it will work. He knows I will sit and squirm and wonder and wait. He knows the mind fuck will keep me going until the real fuck happens.

He fucking owns me. I hate it. Yet I'm so proud to be owned by Him. I would do anything he wanted. I need to know how to make Him want more...

 

[rosco rathbone]

So there IS something to all this "sub frenzy" business after all....

 

[BadGirlsRule]

So there IS something to all this "sub frenzy" business after all....

Is that what this is? sub frenzy? Is that a sincere statement or a sarcastic one? Because if it's sincere, I'll have to read up on it.

If it means bordering on the edge of crazy/obsessed, then yeah, I get it. It's definitely more mental than anything. But I'm trying to learn self-control. If I don't, I will be ruled certifiably insane.


I have a really hard time distinguishing the difference between needs and wants.

I started out insanely horny and now I'm feeling more into the erotic side. The Power. Not sexual at all. But the fucking mind games. The mind games are too intense sometimes. Yet I survive them. I always survive.

 

[BadGirlsRule]

Ok...so I read this article on sub frenzy and subspace...

http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=0x4268x19319880x1xfirst

The whole sub frenzy/sub fever they talk about...that is ME when I'm feeling like I feel now. The thing is...they say this follows after an intense scene. I (think) I've experienced subspace once about a month ago. But I seem to experience this sub frenzy/neediness-to-the-point-I'm-dying feeling after a normal life encounter. Just spending time with him...being in his presence. I absolutely cherish those simple things. Those are my "intense" scenes.

I can watch him eat a meal and then replay that scene in my mind a week later and feel how sensual it was...watching his lips move, seeing his initial hunger and then watching that look on his face turn into one of satisfaction and comfort. It wasn't even necessarily sensual at the time...but I replay it in my mind in that way.

I know this comes off as crazy. I really do. But I'm an independent, successful, and smart woman who just happens to love and adore and absolutely worship this man. I admire him for setting up the boundaries that I need in order to not let me cross into crazy.

He knows my past...and, more importantly, he knows my potential. He doesn't take advantage of my vulnerability. He knows he can shape me into something that will benefit both of us. I love him for that...and he has my absolute trust. I trust him with everything I am.

I desire to be in His presence and it makes me so happy, like a little girl, when I am. He has guided me in a way that I've never been guided by a man in my life. I know He will never steer me wrong. I know I will always be on edge as to whether He will still be here tomorrow or not...because He is too Perfect for me. But I also know He will always have me in his life and care about me even if it's not the way I want it to be.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Given the fantasy that you're obsessing over, hopefully when you get over it, you'll be rather thankful that he didn't indulge you.

Barring that, remember: He, dom; you, sub.

He gets to call the shots, and you can bitch and moan and whine and want and need all you want, but ultimately, he's the boss. You need to find the acceptance in that.

And yeah, sub frenzy is a reallish thing. I probably wouldn't trust an article on spark people about it though. It's different to sub space. It's what gets new people to 'the scene' into precarious situations.