A Sub in need of advice..

[skysdelimit]

Hi all, im new to this site and the lifestyle. I would like to ask for some advice about living within 2 lifestyles.. are there subs out there who are living between a D/s relationship and a normal one (sorry couldnt think of a term for it) how do you cope with it? hiding the D/s one from family or your husband/partner..?

 

[CutieMouse]

This is actually a somewhat common question... usually asked by people whose only exposure to BDSM has been erotica, online forums, or chat rooms.

Most BDSM relationships look exactly like any other relationship 95+ percent of the time; therefore, if one utilizes common sense, "living two lifestyles" isn't much of an issue. (In dealing with family/friends.)

Hiding from a spouse, is a different issue. IMO, it isn't fair to a spouse to hide this stuff. Even if you're doing an online D/s thing, emotional connections can (and do) form, and emotional affairs can be just as devastating (sometimes more so) than physical ones.

 

[Babyslave]

Hiding from a spouse, is a different issue. IMO, it isn't fair to a spouse to hide this stuff. Even if you're doing an online D/s thing, emotional connections can (and do) form, and emotional affairs can be just as devastating (sometimes more so) than physical ones.

Even when not hiding it from a spouse or partner, and you have the full and loving support from them, the results can be devastating. Any D/s relationship whether online or IRL, requires time and effort, as well as the emotional connection that allows for the trust that is necessary. You may not fall in love per se, but emotions can and do take over. (Example? Nothing worse than having your partner see you in the midst of subdrop)

Additionally, it can be very difficult to 'switch' your needs and desires on and off, to provide what each of them wants and expects from you. Not to mention to find from them what you yourself are longing for when with them.

I'm sorry that's not better said. I can feel it, I just can't express it as well.

 

[Bandit58]

On the outside, we look just like your everyday "normal" married couple. My grown daughter is staying with us for a month right now and all she sees is a loving wife taking care of her Husband The kinky toys and clothes are firmly hidden in the bedroom and it's too cold to be kneeling naked in the corner.....

 

[xperia2995]

it is better not to hide stuff. But that is a very personal decision to make.

But if you choose to hide it from everyday life(dont worry there are a lot of these people) there is always an option to take a session with a domme when needed and be the normal 'you' the rest of the time.

 

[Babyslave]

it is better not to hide stuff. But that is a very personal decision to make.

But if you choose to hide it from everyday life(dont worry there are a lot of these people) there is always an option to take a session with a domme when needed and be the normal 'you' the rest of the time.

I can't argue the point that it's possible to have both, simultaneously. IMO, it can work, for a time.

But the OP used the word relationship. That leads me to think that it's more than the occassional 'scene' that's involved. That it's more than something 'as needed'. Two relationships require more time, effort and involvement than one. It's a hell of a lot of work trying to keep the two separate, in keeping the D/s stuff hidden. The risk of one interfering with the other, and there being overlap is something that needs to be realized.

 

[skysdelimit]

Thanks everyone for the wise words Xperia2995 i think you may be right and its something im going to think about.. iv put everything on hold, as much as i didnt want to. i'm not the only one to be affected by all this if the worst happened so im just going to have to wait a while. Thanks again your all great X

 

[xperia2995]

Anytime !