A strange and startling experience (writerly)

[Varian P]

I've been writing for a long while now.

I wrote silly runaway adventure stories when I was six or seven, and started writing "poetry" around that age, too, and kept it up all through school, and on until I was in my early twenties.

Four years ago I started my first novel, and now three have been published.

But recently, I began writing screenplays, and I've just produced a short thriller based on one of them.

And as I sit at my computer, endeavoring to edit the thing, I'm still in shock--the same shock I experienced at the auditions, the rehearsals, during shooting, and the first time I looked at the footage.

It's the shock of seeing characters do the things, hearing them say the things I wrote. Experiencing my words brought to life by actual people.

I've always had a visceral response to my own writing, from fear-induced heart palpitations to being driven to the edge by the need provoked by the lustier passages of my stories, but those reactions pale by comparison to my cringing, flinching response to what I'm looking at on my screen. And the film is TAME compared to my novels.

So, I'm curious, have any of you found yourself startled, shocked by your own creation?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

VARIAN

I was an architect-engineer for many years. The experience you describe was similar to mine, but what I recall are the times I climbed out on a limb with ideas only I could imagine 'working.' There was always a lot of tension and anxiety until the design proved itself as a reality people could see and touch. But it was pretty amazing to see an idea take physical form.

 

[Varian P]

VARIAN

I was an architect-engineer for many years. The experience you describe was similar to mine, but what I recall are the times I climbed out on a limb with ideas only I could imagine 'working.' There was always a lot of tension and anxiety until the design proved itself as a reality people could see and touch. But it was pretty amazing to see an idea take physical form.

Yes, in itself, seeing one's ideas and plans realized is pretty incredible.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Not really. Shocked by other people's reaction to it, but not really by what I did.

I've had people point out to me more in my writing than I was conscious of, and I've had to admit there must have been processes at work when I was creating it of which I wasn't aware, and that kind of shocks me, but that comes from other people.

I wrote a novel in a month once, and it turned out pretty good. That shocked me.

 

[Varian P]

Not really. Shocked by other people's reaction to it, but not really by what I did.

I've had people point out to me more in my writing than I was conscious of, and I've had to admit there must have been processes at work when I was creating it of which I wasn't aware, and that kind of shocks me, but that comes from other people.

Yeah, that's always interesting, isn't it?

I guess with the film thing, I'm just surprised that something that came from my brain has somehow turned into something that's too intense for me to watch comfortably.

And it's nothing compared with what you see on the screen all the time--nowhere near the violence or cruelty of any average action flick. I'm guessing it's just the fact that it did come from me that makes it so intense for me. For anyone else, it probably won't seem intense at all. We'll see...

 

[sr71plt]

So, I'm curious, have any of you found yourself startled, shocked by your own creation?

Constantly with what my writings do. Often there's a minor thread that insinuates itself into a longer work I'm writing, and about halfway through it has turned into the foundation that gives the work dimension.

But specifically on plays. I wrote a couple of one-act scripts based on a short story book I wrote several years ago and I gave them to the local semiprofessional theater (Live Arts--pretty much established by Sam Shepherd and Jessica Lang some years ago). Then I forgot about them. When the theater opened its new stage, I received an invitation. And I was too busy yakking when I came to the theater to read the stage bill. The second one-acter they did was one of my plays--and, as you describe--I just sat there with my jaw on the floor seeing living bodies working with my lines and plot.

 

[DeeZire]

As a creator of music, I can work on a CD for ages, listening over and over, tweaking this or that, but once it's finished, I cringe if I hear it, especially if it's my own music. I need to put it away for a long time - like years and years - before I can listen to it without hearing all the imperfections. I think the issue of time helps in the sense that you can say to yourself "that was me, ten years ago, but I'm so much better now."

V - that's cool that you got a screenplay produced. When will it be released?

 

[Varian P]

Constantly with what my writings do. Often there's a minor thread that insinuates itself into a longer work I'm writing, and about halfway through it has turned into the foundation that gives the work dimension.

But specifically on plays. I wrote a couple of one-act scripts based on a short story book I wrote several years ago and I gave them to the local semiprofessional theater (Live Arts--pretty much established by Sam Shepherd and Jessica Lang some years ago). Then I forgot about them. When the theater opened its new stage, I received an invitation. And I was too busy yakking when I came to the theater to read the stage bill. The second one-acter they did was one of my plays--and, as you describe--I just sat there with my jaw on the floor seeing living bodies working with my lines and plot.

I don't know about you, but having had this experience, I think every writer would profit from having, at a minimum, actors do a table reading of their writing. Just hearing certain lines spoken convinced me immediately they had to be changed.

It was also really interesting seeing how different people interpreted the characters and actions.

That's super they produced your play. One reason I shot my own film is because I have scant hope anyone else ever will.

 

[Varian P]

As a creator of music, I can work on a CD for ages, listening over and over, tweaking this or that, but once it's finished, I cringe if I hear it, especially if it's my own music. I need to put it away for a long time - like years and years - before I can listen to it without hearing all the imperfections. I think the issue of time helps in the sense that you can say to yourself "that was me, ten years ago, but I'm so much better now."

V - that's cool that you got a screenplay produced. When will it be released?

I know well that sense you're describing, when it comes to my writing. I definitely have periods of cringing when I revisit my tawdry tales. I actually compose music, too, but because it's purely an amateur endeavor (I have zero musical training), my ego/identity isn't at all wrapped up in it, so if I create anything even vaguely palatable, I'm sheer giddiness.

As for my wee little filmette, it'll certainly never be released, in the traditional sense. If, after editing and scoring, I deem it worthy, I may shop it around to some festivals and see what happens...