A story/series idea....give feedback... thanks

[Smith1012]

hi everyone

I have this idea for chapter 1 of a series called Desperate Fever

Well it goes like this:

A man meets Candice michelle (WWE diva) in a store who he couldnt stop staring at cuz she was soo damn hot. She later introduces herself to him and they both become friends. The man has a girlfriend named Christy Hemme (WWE diva) who he considered a slut and neva really loved her, howeva the man makes her beleive he loves her. He also meets Christy's ex-boyfriend and becomes friends with him. Later that day the man finds out he has a new neighbor who moved in that day. By his surprise it was Candice Micehlle who moved in beside his house. And also became shocked that Christy's ex-boyfriend was Candice's boyfriend.

Howd you like the beginning of the series?? Give me any suggestions. Feel free on changing the plot or characters, anything!

Thanks

 

[BedtimeStories77]

First of all, I hope you run a spell check before posting any stories to Lit and that you keep any slang within the diolague between characters. I would hit the back button quickly if I saw "neva" and "howeva" within a story. Also, believe is an easy word to spell.

Maybe it was my lack of interest in WWE, but there didn't seem to be much of a plot here. I'm assuming being a "diva" on that show would mean both women are "beautiful" (by fake Barbie standards), have big tits, and so on. So, why would the man "really not love his diva girlfriend but would lead her to believe so"? Is the lead character, and the ex boyfriend of his girlfriend, "celebs" too?

For me, there's just many questions so far...

 

[sirhugs]

. I would hit the back button quickly if I saw "neva" and "howeva" within a story.

yeah, everyone knows they are spelledwith an "h" on the end

 

[emap]

First, I would reccomend that at least one of the women in that story is not a WWE person, otherwise it leads one to think, if your a boyfriend of one of them, why doesn't the other one know you already?

Second, why would it matter if you get a new neighbor unless your going to do something with them? Also if your going to do something with them, why bring them up before you are going to do the something?

Third, spelling is your friend, if you can't spell, buy a dictionary, spell check everything with your dictionary because the word programs don't always know much of anything in the way of spelling a word, for laughs I will misspell a word and ask the spell checker, it comes up with 5 words that have nothing to do with what I misspelled. Many times I have to add in a word I used, which struck me as odd since the word I used is in proper english.

Fourth spelling is your friend, and fifth and sixth. Seriously you have to know how to spell to post stories, I tend to use an older form of english in my stories and people have assumed english isn't my primary language.

Honestly, I don't think it's yours either. Not kidding here, either you actually take the extra half second to type never and however and every other word the way it is in the dictionary for everything but conversation you will get incredibly bad reviews. assuming people will actually bother to scroll down that far.

 

[BedtimeStories77]

yeah, everyone knows they are spelledwith an "h" on the end

lol

 

[Sean Renaud]

Christy Hemme and Candice are damn hot. For one.

Learn to spell pal if I'm defending you even a little I need to take my dig learn to spell. And also any WWE fan knows that Christy Hemme was released late last year. She is currently doing nothing though there are rumors she might be going to TNA. I would I suggest if you are going to do a story with her and and Candice that you make it some sort of conspiracy theory.

You know Christy was fucking Vince, Hunter, Shane somebody of some importance. Candice came along, caught their eye did a better job. Hence got moved from the minor leagues to the majors. (Trade from SD to Raw where reall superstars work) Then conspired for Christy to get fired some time later (she actually quit but who cares) and that it was that kind of idea.

Overall I like Divas but like most celeb stories I would probably skip this title unless I knew you were a great writer. I think that the Celeb and and Incest stories tend to be poorly written so you need my respect to get me to read it in the first place.

 

[BedtimeStories77]

Overall I like Divas...

I still miss Miss Kitty. *sniffle* But, I haven't watched that show since before the Wildlife people got their panties in a bunch.