A Silent Sceam!

[complicity]

Firstly to all those of you who already know me here, please don’t take offence that I didn’t come to you guys and gals. I just didn’t want to dive into your threads with my whining.

For some time now I have wished I had someone to talk with about this, someone that I can really open up to. There are times when I would just like to talk to someone about how I feel, but all my closest friends are our friends if you know what I mean and it would put one or both of them on the spot.

Let me explain a little. I am married with two wonderful kids; I am a professional as is my lady, so we both work long and speaking for myself here sometimes irregular hours. My eldest is a teen with all the grief baggage and belligerence that entails and is proving to be a royal pain in the arse. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve never had the police at the door or had any drugs problems, but this morning for reasons which I wont go into here I really lost it with him. As far as my lady goes, great sex albeit somewhat infrequent (but that’s another matter ) doesn’t make a marriage, it’s a part of the whole. My youngest still needs his father, and if I were honest if it weren’t for him I think I would have walked out by now. I am prepared to say that I have made my bed and should lie in it and stop bleating on, if for no other reason than that of my children, and I probably will. But I feel like all I do is work and then go home, when I don’t really look forward to going home anymore. I know that there are people in the world worse off than me, but I can’t help the way I feel.

Am I looking for a councillor? No. Should I be looking for one? Probably! I’m surrounded by people all the time, but there’s no one to talk to!

Do you recognise what I’m saying and / or feel the same about the situation you’re in? I suppose trapped is one way to describe it although that seems a little harsh. If anyone fancies chatting about their own situation, then we can each have a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to who understands, PM me.

Thanks for listening.

 

[SweetErika]

I see what you're saying, and while I'm not in the same place, I have felt "trapped" on occasion.

One thing that helped me was to figure out exactly what's missing. Affection, romance, excitement, more sex, feeling desired, companionship, a confidant, etc.? Then I went about thinking of how I/we could work on/fix/get those things. Some of them were able to be fulfilled internally, but we also concluded that there's nothing wrong with having more than one person to meet needs. I'm not suggesting opening the relationship (in part, or whole) is THE answer, and it's certainly not to be taken lightly, but it might be something to consider, especially if your wife may have some similar feelings.

I know you said you work irregular hours, but perhaps getting involved in some new activities, picking up hobbies, and meeting new friends would help alleviate the feeling of being trapped. Perhaps you could take a class, join a team, meet others to be social and commiserate with. Engaging in something you're passionate about often has a way of doing that, in my experience.

I'm not sure if any of this will work for you, and think your thought about counseling is a good one, but I hope you find something. And you're definitely not alone, though it's kind of rare to hear someone recognize they're choosing their own path and aren't looking for an easy-out like cheating.

 

[OneIBlind]

I hear you

But for the fact that your wife works, that could be my story. I don't know that I can give you any other advice that might lead to an epiphany for you...but the solace that I've taken is to know that my sons (the younger one especially) will benefit from seeing how a MAN holds up to his responsibilities in life. I'm often telling my sons about the word "responsibility". For me to leave because I'm unhappy would not be in keeping with my understanding of the word. I've got a responsibility to do ALL that I can to help him grow up in a manner that will lead to a successful life for him. For me, that means making sure my sons have a two-parent home. I'm not without my weaknesses and my wife has her strengths so we compliment each other well in that respect. She has an illness the prevents her from working and as such has changed from the fiercely independent, overachieving career gal I married to the dependent, resentfull, duplicitious, medicated woman I wake up next to each day. I long for our days of simple romance, passionate sex, or pain free cuddling but that's not our lot in life... so she's miserable and I'm miserable.

Ultimately, I believe you are doing the right thing by your kids by staying, but you cannot allow your oldest to make life miserable for the rest of the family. I proposed a plan to mine where I help him to move out. Our timeline is 3 months and each week we discuss or do something toward that end. I explained to his mother, my wife that this way we are less likely to have him want to move back in or worry about him as much once he's out... That allows us to focus on our younger one and use his older sibling as a guide of what not to do.

Good luck to you sir, I am with you in spirit.

 

[comtec2005]

Sounds familiar...

Jeesh, change a couple of the details and I could have written this. 4 kids (my 2/her 2), both professionals. Did the counselor thing a couple of years ago. I will say it did help, but mostly in understanding the situations, not so much in fixing them. I fully understand the 'I made the mess, I should be able to clean it up.' The problem is sometimes it takes more than one person to clean it up, or things are out of your control to do anything about it to start with. I guess that's the biggest part of the problem I have. I am not a "control freak," but it seems that a large part of the situation is a lack of control or feeling that everything is out of control and I'm just along for the abuse. Work that limits personal time, kids trying to spread their wings and not understanding the consequences, family and friends that try to be helpful but make things worse at times... It's pretty sad when you're both horny, it's right there, and you're so exhausted you go for maybe tomorrow night... lol

Anyway, hang in there and if you find a magic cure be sure to let me know.

Firstly to all those of you who already know me here, please don’t take offence that I didn’t come to you guys and gals. I just didn’t want to dive into your threads with my whining.

For some time now I have wished I had someone to talk with about this, someone that I can really open up to. There are times when I would just like to talk to someone about how I feel, but all my closest friends are our friends if you know what I mean and it would put one or both of them on the spot.

Let me explain a little. I am married with two wonderful kids; I am a professional as is my lady, so we both work long and speaking for myself here sometimes irregular hours. My eldest is a teen with all the grief baggage and belligerence that entails and is proving to be a royal pain in the arse. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve never had the police at the door or had any drugs problems, but this morning for reasons which I wont go into here I really lost it with him. As far as my lady goes, great sex albeit somewhat infrequent (but that’s another matter ) doesn’t make a marriage, it’s a part of the whole. My youngest still needs his father, and if I were honest if it weren’t for him I think I would have walked out by now. I am prepared to say that I have made my bed and should lie in it and stop bleating on, if for no other reason than that of my children, and I probably will. But I feel like all I do is work and then go home, when I don’t really look forward to going home anymore. I know that there are people in the world worse off than me, but I can’t help the way I feel.

Am I looking for a councillor? No. Should I be looking for one? Probably! I’m surrounded by people all the time, but there’s no one to talk to!

Do you recognise what I’m saying and / or feel the same about the situation you’re in? I suppose trapped is one way to describe it although that seems a little harsh. If anyone fancies chatting about their own situation, then we can each have a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to who understands, PM me.

Thanks for listening.

 

[complicity]

Thanks guys...

I was touched by the responses both here and the PM's.

I am not being ignorant by not replying properly, which I will do in the fullness of time. But I am having computer troubles and its all I can do to get this message off... you wouldn't believe how long it took to do this and a few PM replys! Phew

Back on line in a couple of days, when I will respond to all correctly.

Thanks again.

 

[gr8dad2]

I am sure you will find a number of us guys with the same story...maybe I am a bit older than most at 57.. married 31 years some of them good some not so good some of them bad.. very bad.. but like the advice givenso far.. I don't think anyone has the right answer for you.. we all have to find a way to make our lives happy.. we deserve that above everything else.. and our families deserve a full time father.. I would never want or be a part time father who gets to be a part of my childrens lifes only on every other weekend... I am there for them and will always be there for them..the relationship with my wife has its highs and lows.. I equate marriage to an accordian.. sometimes your very close and together and other times your stretched far apart but still held together by the music..Ii change.. she changes.. the kids change and as we grow.. I am glad I have decided to stay and be an active part of it all. what do I do thru all this.. well for starters.. theres Lit..every kind of person every kind of fun.. I talk and flirt with people from around the world.. some of the nicest sweetest people you will ever find.. I have relationships with some of them.. others are just passing friends..cyber sex.. meetings with people.. anything is possible you have to set your limits and what can and cannot be done to maintain that your father status is maintained.. its not an easy road to travel but you don't have to travel the road alone.. theres lots of support her and on the amature pic forum the people are nice there and you will find a lot of great people there.. come on for the ride ..om me if you fell like it

 

[complicity]

First off I’d like to say to all who have responded both here and via PM thank you, and please accept my apologies for not getting back to you all sooner. I will reply to all.

On the day in question I was feeling particularly down and I guess I needed to vent. I have to say that I didn’t expect any responses at all let alone constructive ones! In fact I actually expected folks to dive in, tell me to get a grip and stop whinging! So once again thank you all.

I see what you're saying, and while I'm not in the same place, I have felt "trapped" on occasion.

One thing that helped me was to figure out exactly what's missing. Affection, romance, excitement, more sex, feeling desired, companionship, a confidant, etc.? Then I went about thinking of how I/we could work on/fix/get those things. Some of them were able to be fulfilled internally, but we also concluded that there's nothing wrong with having more than one person to meet needs. I'm not suggesting opening the relationship (in part, or whole) is THE answer, and it's certainly not to be taken lightly, but it might be something to consider, especially if your wife may have some similar feelings.

Hmm… all of the above! I have considered the idea of bringing some one else in to my life, whether it be purely for sexplay or a relationship. If it were just for sexplay then I guess I could have that covered quite easily. I have friends who are swingers, and I am sure they would welcome me into their little circle. The problem for me is that I am by nature monogamous, always have been. Its sort of a flaw in my character! But if I were to choose that path that would indicate that sex or the lack / quality of it were the issue and it isn’t. Sure we could have sex more often, but who couldn’t. Maybe my lady isn’t as broadminded or as willing to experiment as I am, I don’t think that is the issue here. I feel it is the whole package, maybe a life style thing who knows? I’ve yet to figure it out!

I know you said you work irregular hours, but perhaps getting involved in some new activities…
…I'm not sure if any of this will work for you, and think your thought about counseling is a good one, but I hope you find something. And you're definitely not alone, though it's kind of rare to hear someone recognize they're choosing their own path and aren't looking for an easy-out like cheating.

With work and family life, I don’t seem to get too much spare time to do other things. I already spend time training that is my time to myself, and fitting that in is hard enough. Any other time I seem to get free always gets swallowed up on domestic / family issues. I do work long hours and that is partly by choice, because I am passionate about what I do, and that in itself has caused problems in the past with my wife for not spending enough time at home or coming home on time. But that is different and I hear what you are saying. Maybe it is a lifestyle issue?

But for the fact that your wife works, that could be my story. I don't know that I can give you any other advice that might lead to an epiphany for you...but the solace that I've taken is to know that my sons (the younger one especially) will benefit from seeing how a MAN holds up to his responsibilities in life. I'm often telling my sons about the word "responsibility". For me to leave because I'm unhappy would not be in keeping with my understanding of the word. I've got a responsibility to do ALL that I can to help him grow up in a manner that will lead to a successful life for him. For me, that means making sure my sons have a two-parent home. I'm not without my weaknesses and my wife has her strengths so we compliment each other well in that respect. She has an illness the prevents her from working and as such has changed from the fiercely independent, overachieving career gal I married to the dependent, resentfull, duplicitious, medicated woman I wake up next to each day. I long for our days of simple romance, passionate sex, or pain free cuddling but that's not our lot in life... so she's miserable and I'm miserable.

Ultimately, I believe you are doing the right thing by your kids by staying, but you cannot allow your oldest to make life miserable for the rest of the family. I proposed a plan to mine where I help him to move out. Our timeline is 3 months and each week we discuss or do something toward that end. I explained to his mother, my wife that this way we are less likely to have him want to move back in or worry about him as much once he's out... That allows us to focus on our younger one and use his older sibling as a guide of what not to do.

Good luck to you sir, I am with you in spirit.

OneBlind, thank you for your words of support and I am sorry to hear of your ladies ill health. My thoughts go to you and your family and hope that there is light at the end of your tunnel at some stage.
Having read your reply we are very similar in our thoughts and deeds. My lady and I also compliment each other, and I too have my faults and weaknesses which she counters. One of the major factor in my mind is the effect that we / I have on our children. I have seen families split quite amicably, only to see the children unable to deal with what has happened for whatever reason, and usually (not always) there is the resentment felt towards new partners when they arrive on the scene. With that in mind I for one don’t want my youngest growing up calling some one else “Dad”, however nice a bloke he is!
I’m not making a direct comparison to myself here, but I heard a Kelly Clarkson track the other day called “Because of you” and the video that goes with it. Unlike the father figure / parents she is singing about I don’t consider our relationship as bad as the one depicted, but the way that the father walks out on his family and the situation he leaves behind and the heart ache that follows is something that I couldn’t do. Watching it actually brings a lump to my throat. See what you think. PLAY VIDEO

Jeesh, change a couple of the details and I could have written this. 4 kids (my 2/her 2), both professionals. Did the counselor thing a couple of years ago. I will say it did help, but mostly in understanding the situations, not so much in fixing them. I fully understand the 'I made the mess, I should be able to clean it up.' The problem is sometimes it takes more than one person to clean it up, or things are out of your control to do anything about it to start with. I guess that's the biggest part of the problem I have. I am not a "control freak," but it seems that a large part of the situation is a lack of control or feeling that everything is out of control and I'm just along for the abuse. Work that limits personal time, kids trying to spread their wings and not understanding the consequences, family and friends that try to be helpful but make things worse at times... It's pretty sad when you're both horny, it's right there, and you're so exhausted you go for maybe tomorrow night... lol

Anyway, hang in there and if you find a magic cure be sure to let me know.

Comtec… You struck a chord there when you mentioned control, and I can relate to everything that you have mentioned. I do feel like I am no longer in charge of my own destiny. Yes I have decided to accept my lot and deal with what’s going on here, but at the same time I feel that my lot has been handed to me rather than being of my own doing. All of a sudden, my days are all the same. I / we are no longer spontaneous like we used to be, and yes I know that when you have kids a lot of that goes out of the window but this is something more. Just going out to dinner, or a night out with the boys once in a while is suddenly more grief than I need, because the logistics of it all is too much, and yes I’m usually too tired to enjoy!

I am sure you will find a number of us guys with the same story...maybe I am a bit older than most at 57.. married 31 years some of them good some not so good some of them bad.. very bad.. but like the advice givenso far.. I don't think anyone has the right answer for you.. we all have to find a way to make our lives happy.. we deserve that above everything else.. and our families deserve a full time father.. I would never want or be a part time father who gets to be a part of my childrens lifes only on every other weekend... I am there for them and will always be there for them..the relationship with my wife has its highs and lows.. I equate marriage to an accordian.. sometimes your very close and together and other times your stretched far apart but still held together by the music..Ii change.. she changes.. the kids change and as we grow.. I am glad I have decided to stay and be an active part of it all. what do I do thru all this.. well for starters.. theres Lit..every kind of person every kind of fun.. I talk and flirt with people from around the world.. some of the nicest sweetest people you will ever find.. I have relationships with some of them.. others are just passing friends..cyber sex.. meetings with people.. anything is possible you have to set your limits and what can and cannot be done to maintain that your father status is maintained.. its not an easy road to travel but you don't have to travel the road alone.. theres lots of support her and on the amature pic forum the people are nice there and you will find a lot of great people there.. come on for the ride ..om me if you fell like it

Gr8dad2… There is no a lot to say about what you have said other than “Amen”! I don’t honestly think I was looking for answers on the day I posted the thread, I just needed to get it off my chest and vent a little. Like you said Lit is good for all kinds of reasons. Thank you for the invite to the pic thread, I will stick my head around the door some time soon.


Once again thanks to you all for responding with your kind words and thoughts. What I intend to do is use this thread as a repository for thoughts and musings over the next few months. And I would like to invite others to do the same, so that if anyone feels that they have something to contribute or get off their chest feel free to do so…

Pass the word…

 

[complicity]

Ok… so I’m a few days down the line and I’ve chatted to a few people and put things in a little more perspective. I have come to the conclusion that I am doing the right thing and will make the best of the situation. After all I have two wonderful kids, a sexy intelligent wife who still turns me on after all these years, and life in general seems to be sorting itself out in other areas as well.

In an attempt to prove that I can still surprise her I am now clean-shaven (pubicly that is)! When I did this before she didn’t go over the top about it, but the aim here is to surprise her when her hand slides beneath the covers or hopefully before, and prompt a spontaneous response. I have also bought a new vibe to put the buzz back into playtime as an extra Chrimbo pressie. That definitely didn’t go under the tree, but is strategically placed in the bedside table to be produces at the right moment. I rose was also sent to her work place prior to her finishing for Christmas, which seemed to go down well. All in all the holiday is going ok with only a few minor skirmishes between the rebellious teen and myself. Everyone keeps saying “…but it’s a teenage thing!” which I accept, but there are limits, and when it causes extra friction… we just don’t need the aggro’!

So there we are that’s the story so far. Once again thanks to all those who offered advice and a shoulder to cry on. I know that I’m not the only one out there in this sort of situation, so if you want to throw in your 10c worth go right ahead.

 

[lynx2u]

re: being a man

Hi,
I congratulate you on being a man, Blind. It is so easy to walk away from responsibility rather than accept it and deal with it. I know where you are coming from and am in a similar situation but for different reasons.
I stayed initially for the children and then about 5 years ago my father-in -law was dying. He was a man I cared about a great deal and respected even more. I gave him my word I would always look after his daughter. He knew what I meant and I knew what I meant. I told him this to help make his passing easier, he died 2 days later. So I am still in a marriage that is very difficult and my word is costing me a lot but i gave it and i will live up to it. They say that "no good deed goes unpunished" and it certainly seems to be true in my case.
I wish you well, complicity, with your decision and your ability to live with it. My word is very important to me and I keep it even when it is difficult to do. What good would my word be if I kept it only when it was easy or convenient to do? This is the right thing for me but perhaps not for everybody. I hope you find the answers that you can live with. Good luck.

Lynx

 

[chickman44]

My 2 cents

After all I have two wonderful kids, a sexy intelligent wife who still turns me on after all these years, and life in general seems to be sorting itself out in other areas as well.

I don't know much about your situation other than what you offered to share with us. So my comments must be taken with regard for my narrow POV...

I believe a man must choose whether to be a family guy, a married guy or a single guy. Just because you have a family doesn't mean you can't choose anymore. However, it sounds to me like you truly want to be a family guy.

If that is indeed the case, then you are closer to happiness than many of us. You are a family guy who has a family. Not just any family but one with wonderful children and a sexy wife (see your own quote above). That puts you WAY ahead in the game. Don't throw away your family because it isn't making you happy or making you excited to go home to them. Trust me, peace and quiet gets real old, real fast when you long for companionship.

It seems to me that you need to figure out what you want from your family and how to tell them. This may also include things you specifically don't want them to do. Be reasonable and keep in mind that truly successful teams rely on members that put their teammates success BEFORE their own. In other words, the easiest way to get what you want is to bust your ass giving everyone else what THEY want. Not just what you think they want or NEED (typical Dad reflex) but what they really want to make them happy. When they see you killing yourself to make them happy, they will naturally want to reciprocate. This lesson is harder to implement than it sounds. Many times what others want conflicts with what we want. AKA sacrifice.

My most important point is that your marriage should be a rock-solid foundation. Questioning your marriage should be like questioning your need to eat or breathe. Don't let your marriage become a casual relationship to be tossed away when it no longer fits your lifestyle. Figure out what you and your family need to be happy and do it. Jobs and homes can be easily replaced, family members cannot...

In case it matters, here's where I'm coming from: I quit school to get married and eventually moved away from my home and parents/sisters/brother to make a good living for my own family. My ex-wife got restless and walked out after 10 years, without counseling or any other attempts at saving our marriage. She supposedly tried to figure it all out on her own, but I never knew how bad it got for her until it was too late to try. Will my life go on? Of course. I have two wonderful children that live with me 50% of the time, every other week. However, not a day nor even one hour goes by when I don't wish I could try again to make it work. With my true love gone and my kids taken from me half the time, I realize that no other goals in life were as important as them. I will satisfy myself with goals of self improvement and being the best father I can be on my weeks, which are great goals indeed. However, having tasted the wonders of a true loving spouse and family, these other pursuits will never measure up. Maybe one day I will meet another woman to be my life-long mate. Or maybe I will never fully recover from what I lost...

 

[FurryFury]

It's good that you are thinking so clearly about your life now. It can feel difficult from time to time I'll admit.

Fury

 

[complicity]

Hi,
I congratulate you on being a man, Blind. It is so easy to walk away from responsibility rather than accept it and deal with it. I know where you are coming from and am in a similar situation but for different reasons.
I stayed initially for the children and then about 5 years ago my father-in -law was dying. He was a man I cared about a great deal and respected even more. I gave him my word I would always look after his daughter. He knew what I meant and I knew what I meant. I told him this to help make his passing easier, he died 2 days later. So I am still in a marriage that is very difficult and my word is costing me a lot but i gave it and i will live up to it. They say that "no good deed goes unpunished" and it certainly seems to be true in my case.
I wish you well, complicity, with your decision and your ability to live with it. My word is very important to me and I keep it even when it is difficult to do. What good would my word be if I kept it only when it was easy or convenient to do? This is the right thing for me but perhaps not for everybody. I hope you find the answers that you can live with. Good luck.

Lynx

Giving your word to someone and not going back on it seems to be an outdated way of thinking these days. Nice to see someone else who seems to think that these things matter. Although I would say that keeping your word in this instance (and I accept that I do not know your circumstances) may not nessesarily mean remaining married to your lady,but a more plutonic relationship would allow you both to live your lives as you would wish? As I said I don't know the situation, and I am the last person to be giving advice!

Good luck.

 

[complicity]

... I believe a man must choose whether to be a family guy, a married guy or a single guy. Just because you have a family doesn't mean you can't choose anymore. However, it sounds to me like you truly want to be a family guy....

... Not just any family but one with wonderful children and a sexy wife (see your own quote above). That puts you WAY ahead in the game. Don't throw away your family because it isn't making you happy or making you excited to go home to them. Trust me, peace and quiet gets real old, real fast when you long for companionship....

... In other words, the easiest way to get what you want is to bust your ass giving everyone else what THEY want. Not just what you think they want or NEED (typical Dad reflex) but what they really want to make them happy. When they see you killing yourself to make them happy, they will naturally want to reciprocate. This lesson is harder to implement than it sounds. Many times what others want conflicts with what we want. AKA sacrifice.

My most important point is that your marriage should be a rock-solid foundation. Questioning your marriage should be like questioning your need to eat or breathe. Don't let your marriage become a casual relationship to be tossed away when it no longer fits your lifestyle. Figure out what you and your family need to be happy and do it. Jobs and homes can be easily replaced, family members cannot...

...My ex-wife got restless and walked out after 10 years, without counseling or any other attempts at saving our marriage. She supposedly tried to figure it all out on her own, but I never knew how bad it got for her until it was too late to try. Will my life go on? Of course. I have two wonderful children that live with me 50% of the time, every other week. However, not a day nor even one hour goes by when I don't wish I could try again to make it work. With my true love gone and my kids taken from me half the time, I realize that no other goals in life were as important as them. ...

I feel for your situation and my sympathies go out to you. I can't begin to understand what you are feeling having never experienced it myself. I have truly loved only two women in my life (acknowledging the difference between love and lust)... and I married one of them! The other I met subsequent to being married and made a consious desision to let her go, again putting my family first.

You have made some very valid points and I recognise most of them as being valid to my situation. I / we have sacrificed much over the years in one way or another for the kids sake, and I have no regrets on that score. We have / are bringing them up the best way we know how. However I feel that I am tending to be the one doing all the giving, with my wife and eldest son being the ones doing all the taking on many levels. After awhile you take a step back and say "Hang on, what gives?"
I accept that I may just be going through a bad patch and in months / years to come I will read back at this outpouring of mine and think "selfish jerk!" but in the mean time I'll take each day a day at a time. I do appriciate what I have, I really do. I am also aware that to some of you out there I may be coming across as selfish, and wishing that you were in my position because you would appriciate it more. As I have said before, I know that there are people worse off than me. But I read somewhere once something about ..."spending time, and wasting time..." and the differences involved. Time with my children is never wasted, but as to the rest of my situation both on a personal level and professional level at this point on my life I just wasn't sure. I suppose I'm still not, but as I said earlier I am resolved to trying to make it happen, and if it doesn't it won't be for the lack of trying!

 

[complicity]

It's good that you are thinking so clearly about your life now. It can feel difficult from time to time I'll admit.

Fury

I wouldn't say things are clearer, but with the fog lamps on maybe I can see a little better what lies ahead. But thanks anyway.

 

[lynx2u]

Hi Complicity,
Yes it would be easy to use semantics to get myself out of this situation but I knew what I meant as did my father-in-law. I never worry about whether something is outdated or old-fashioned as long as I believe in it. I am an old-fashion kind of man who believes "a man's word is his bond" and a simple handshake is all a person needs from me to make it a binding deal on my part. Old-fashioned! yes it is but it is who I am.
I hope you find your answers Complicity, mine still ellude me for the time being. These kinds of situations I would never wish on anyone. Take care and good luck.

Lynx

 

[FurryFury]

I wouldn't say things are clearer, but with the fog lamps on maybe I can see a little better what lies ahead. But thanks anyway.

There are things that I want in my life that I don't know how to get without it possibly hurting my marriage. That at times can make me feel trapped. I love him though, very much. So that is where my empathy comes from.

Good luck, I hope things get better for you and yours soon.

Fury

 

[complicity]

Hi Complicity,
Yes it would be easy to use semantics to get myself out of this situation but I knew what I meant as did my father-in-law. I never worry about whether something is outdated or old-fashioned as long as I believe in it. I am an old-fashion kind of man who believes "a man's word is his bond" and a simple handshake is all a person needs from me to make it a binding deal on my part. Old-fashioned! yes it is but it is who I am.
I hope you find your answers Complicity, mine still ellude me for the time being. These kinds of situations I would never wish on anyone. Take care and good luck.

Lynx

Thanks for your thoughts.

Right back at you.

 

[complicity]

There are things that I want in my life that I don't know how to get without it possibly hurting my marriage. That at times can make me feel trapped. I love him though, very much. So that is where my empathy comes from.

Good luck, I hope things get better for you and yours soon.

Fury

Seems to be a common trend, we all love our partners but there is just that something that is elluding us!

maybe we are all due some good Kharma?

Take care

Comp

 

[FurryFury]

Seems to be a common trend, we all love our partners but there is just that something that is elluding us!

maybe we are all due some good Kharma?

Take care

Comp

I honestly feel I've been given more good Kharma than I had any right to dream of but thank you.

Fury

 

[complicity]

I honestly feel I've been given more good Kharma than I had any right to dream of but thank you.

Fury

You are entirely welcum!

 

[FurryFury]

You are entirely welcum!

Oh btw, I can help you with that Margarita recipe.

Fury

 

[complicity]

Oh btw, I can help you with that Margarita recipe.

Fury

LOL... always willing to try a version of the recipe, however this morning is not the best time to offer! A long day at work, too much mulled wine, and an early start getting up with the little one... Oooh my head hurts! Where's my coffee? But by all means leave the recipe and Ill read it later!

Thanks, and If I don't speak to anyone before...

Have a great New Years Eve and a Happy New Year to all.

 

[FurryFury]

LOL... always willing to try a version of the recipe, however this morning is not the best time to offer! A long day at work, too much mulled wine, and an early start getting up with the little one... Oooh my head hurts! Where's my coffee? But by all means leave the recipe and Ill read it later!

Thanks, and If I don't speak to anyone before...

Have a great New Years Eve and a Happy New Year to all.

And to you as well a Happy New Year and celebration thereof.

Fury

 

[complicity]

Happy New Year to one and all. Heres hoping that the year works its new magic as you would wish it.

 

[complicity]

OK… well that went well… NOT!
I never said marriage was about sex, but good sex would / could be the glue that binds, being an integral part of the whole. So in an effort to move forward, a nice romantic evening for two was planned. Good food… wine (not too much), the lil one in bed, the eldest out and staying the night at a friends house. The house to ourselves. My lady suggested we have a bath together and a bottle of champagne (well it was the Christmas / New Year period). So far so well. Unfortunately that’s as good as it got. When I disrobed revealing my freshly shaved pubes to rekindle some sort of spark from the past, all I got was “Oh … that’s different” Not a good reaction from my lady I know… trust me! There was not enough hot water left after all the domestic stuff so we had a tepid bath, which wasn’t so much relaxing and romantic and more like an endurance test. Retiring to the living room, we had already agreed that we would look at a blue movie on cable together. Bad… bad idea! It was crap and did nothing for either of us! So we deicide to go upstairs to play using our own imagination and some toys I had bought for Christmas. We played, kissed, and cuddled. I went down on her and she tasted gorgeous, and she was really getting turned on. I produced her second surprise of the night, a good old-fashioned vibe. Six inches of basic smooth sexy plastic to stimulate rather than penetrate. She really got into this, and was so turned on that she nearly came and stopped herself. So that she didn’t cum too soon! But after that it all went down hill. I’m not sure what happened but a while after that, maybe I was a bit heavy handed I don’t know but she started to say she was getting sore from all attention. The whole point of getting the vibe was to reduce this problem for her!

So the end of our evening together was a bit of a flop for all concerned. Neither of us got to cum, I certainly was frustrated in more ways than one. Me shaving my pubes to turn her on failed, or at least fell on deaf eyes. The champagne was good though , and I’ll still keep em clean shaved just for me !
Never mind hopefully we can try again next month!

See Ya