A questions for the guys

[Lynnezertorte]

After being out of the dating "scene" for 10 years, I now find myself back in it. I initially thought that it would be a different experience in my forty's then it was in my thirtys because most of the dating pool would have gotten the "game playing" out of their system and would be more straight forward and honest. Uh...I was wrong.

Why is it that guys say they will call but then don't. There have been a couple of guys I've gone out with that I was somewhat interested in hearing from again and at the end of the date they said they wanted to see me again and would call me but then I didn't hear from them.

I didn't ask if they were going to call, I didn't express a need for them to call and in fact was ok either way. Yet when they said they would call I expected that they would. This isn't a matter of neediness on my part because I'm not having trouble getting dates.....I just don't understand why men volunteer that they will call and then don't.

Can you explain it to me?

 

[Lynnezertorte]

And to clarify, there have been plenty of men that said they would call and did....so it's not an "all men" thing.

Is "I'll call you" just an automatic thing that men say without thinking about it?

 

[oo0_boo_0oo]

I cant answer the question as a guy, cos I'm female... but I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that "I'll call you" is the etiquette of the dating world... Don't take it too personally...

Perhaps at the end of the date you should say "Shall I call you" give that a go... just a thought.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

I cant answer the question as a guy, cos I'm female... but I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that "I'll call you" is the etiquette of the dating world... Don't take it too personally...

Perhaps at the end of the date you should say "Shall I call you" give that a go... just a thought.

Well, my guess is that if I say "shall I call you" they will give me the obligatory "sure" and if I do call we'll chat and at the end of the conversation they'll say, "I'll call you"....lol

And actually I don't take it personally....I'm not waiting for the phone call and many have in fact called.

I'm just really curious as to why men do that. I realize this is an old issue that has gone on forever but I was surprised that men in their forties would still be doing it.

 

[oo0_boo_0oo]

well they do say they never grow up

and yeah thinking about it you're right "shall I call you" might just prolong the agony of it....

come on guys, help a lady out here and answer her question!

 

[rob35can]

Love to answer..but I can't add much.

I have been married for 15 yrs and have no frame of reference.
I can say it might have to do with a closing line, that lets you off the hook. Kinda like when you are talking on the phone and the person on the other end says...anyway I gotta go OR how maybe people ask..how are you ? then don't even listen to the response. It is just one of those things that is expected to be said.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Love to answer..but I can't add much.

I have been married for 15 yrs and have no frame of reference.
I can say it might have to do with a closing line, that lets you off the hook. Kinda like when you are talking on the phone and the person on the other end says...anyway I gotta go OR how maybe people ask..how are you ? then don't even listen to the response. It is just one of those things that is expected to be said.

Thanks for your input Rob.

Wouldn't a better closing line be "I had a good time" and then leave it at that. When someone closes with "I'll call you" doesn't it dawn on them that the other person my take them literally?

 

[oo0_boo_0oo]

oh no Rob... your so wrong that you think its a response thats expected!!!

Lynne you should start a national crusade to make the male species aware... hehe

 

[rob35can]

maybe expected was the wrong wording.
It is one of those expressions that isn't given as much thought as maybe it should be.

good luck with the crusade.

 

[MastrJ]

I don't know how to answer the question for you. If I tell someone that I will call them, I fully intend on calling them. I try and make it a point to always carry through if I say will do something. It's got me in trouble or put me through some hardships, but I feel it's better to do it that way than not carry through with something.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

oh no Rob... your so wrong that you think its a response thats expected!!!

Lynne you should start a national crusade to make the male species aware... hehe

Thanks Boo, with your encouragement I think I will........

MEN! Stop the madness!!!!!!!

 

[oo0_boo_0oo]

now thats a faith restoring statement!

 

[Lynnezertorte]

maybe expected was the wrong wording.
It is one of those expressions that isn't given as much thought as maybe it should be.

good luck with the crusade.

I agree with you Rob that the line isn't given as much thought as it should be given and that's actually the answer I was looking for. I thought there might be more to it but I think you hit the nail on the head.

Maybe others might have some insight but I think I'm looking for an answer that's just not there.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

I don't know how to answer the question for you. If I tell someone that I will call them, I fully intend on calling them. I try and make it a point to always carry through if I say will do something. It's got me in trouble or put me through some hardships, but I feel it's better to do it that way than not carry through with something.

Thanks MasterJ I'll take you off my "Men! Stop the Madness" otherwise known as the MSTM mailing list.

 

[oo0_boo_0oo]

*laughs*

you can end your future dates with "I'll email you" then spam them!

 

[Lynnezertorte]

*laughs*

you can end your future dates with "I'll email you" then spam them!

Too funny Boo!

I think you've given me a new outlook on dating. I'm going to end the world of "I'll Call You"'s.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

*laughs*

you can end your future dates with "I'll email you" then spam them!

I now feel very sorry for the next guy that has the nerve to sincerely say to me "I'll call you" otherwise know as ICY.

 

[Bigg_Capone]

I'm the type of guy that tries to stay true to my word, so if I were to say, "I'll call you" you'd be able to bank on it. I just don't believe in playing with people, their feelings, or their time. I'm old fashioned and that's probably why I don't date. Whatever, though...


Truth be told, there's a lot of guys that really are after only one thing and when they start to see signs that they won't get that one thing, thy're going to do and say what they feel needs to be said and done to get out of a situation where they're not getting that one thing so he can find a situation where he will get that one thing. I refer to these guys as ASSHOLES. They're pretty much scum of the earth in my opinion and they totally give a bad rap to decent guys such as myself.

Forgive me and my extreme use of run on sentences.




I'm going to write a fucking book and put all of these assholes' secrets in it.

 

[Spenser41]

My 2 cents

Well I was married for over 20 yrs and found myself back in the dating game.
I have never told a woman I would call her and not. Most of the time the women I meet, I meet on line in my local area. I am not a bar hopper so I did not hang out in the bars since I am not a major drinker or smoker. But I am a good chatter and chatting I did in a local AOL room. So many of the dates came from that. Most of the time if the date was so so and there was not much connection, we would just leave it as seeing other other on line and of course I would chat with her again. I even created some good lady friends that we would just hang out together if neither of us had any dates going on. But for the most part.. if I said I would call someone... I called them.
I do think that some guys do think they should say it. It is like when you talk to someone in the mall you have not seen in awhile how many times do we say, I will talk to you later or see you later. Do we really mean it? No, we just say it out of tradition. It did not mean we are going to look that person up and see them or talk to them again, unless we see each other in the mall again. So, I think for SOME men, it is just a thing to say. I don't they should say it, but some do.
SO that is my 2 cents worth coming from an older 40 yr old dating again man. By the way, men still play games and so do women. Matter of fact, women play the games more now, then when back in the 60s and 70s.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

I'm the type of guy that tries to stay true to my word, so if I were to say, "I'll call you" you'd be able to bank on it. I just don't believe in playing with people, their feelings, or their time. I'm old fashioned and that's probably why I don't date. Whatever, though...


Truth be told, there's a lot of guys that really are after only one thing and when they start to see signs that they won't get that one thing, thy're going to do and say what they feel needs to be said and done to get out of a situation where they're not getting that one thing so he can find a situation where he will get that one thing. I refer to these guys as ASSHOLES. They're pretty much scum of the earth in my opinion and they totally give a bad rap to decent guys such as myself.

Forgive me and my extreme use of run on sentences.

I'm going to write a fucking book and put all of these assholes' secrets in it.

Thanks for your input Cappone. There is truth in what you say but the fact is there are assholes no matter where you go in life (male and female) and the best defense is to be the best you can be no matter what anyone else is doing.

Out of the guys I've dated so far, only one has been after "only one thing" and luckily through life's experience it was pretty obvious for me to figure out. Unfortunately, he was one of the guys that called when he said he would.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Re: My 2 cents

Well I was married for over 20 yrs and found myself back in the dating game.
I have never told a woman I would call her and not. Most of the time the women I meet, I meet on line in my local area. I am not a bar hopper so I did not hang out in the bars since I am not a major drinker or smoker. But I am a good chatter and chatting I did in a local AOL room. So many of the dates came from that. Most of the time if the date was so so and there was not much connection, we would just leave it as seeing other other on line and of course I would chat with her again. I even created some good lady friends that we would just hang out together if neither of us had any dates going on. But for the most part.. if I said I would call someone... I called them.
I do think that some guys do think they should say it. It is like when you talk to someone in the mall you have not seen in awhile how many times do we say, I will talk to you later or see you later. Do we really mean it? No, we just say it out of tradition. It did not mean we are going to look that person up and see them or talk to them again, unless we see each other in the mall again. So, I think for SOME men, it is just a thing to say. I don't they should say it, but some do.
SO that is my 2 cents worth coming from an older 40 yr old dating again man. By the way, men still play games and so do women. Matter of fact, women play the games more now, then when back in the 60s and 70s.

Women play games? Nahhhhhhh! lol

Not to start a male/female tit for tat but I think women do it out of frustration where men play games because they can.

HOWEVER, I guess dating is dating no matter what age you are. There are some good decent respectful people and then are those that aren't.....both male and female.

I just don't think telling someone after a first date "I'll call you." is the same as telling someone you meet at the mall "see you". Guys must know that those words mean something......there's a part of me that believes that some may do it, as I said above, because they can.

 

[Dr.O]

Now, I know I'm bad for the I'll call you, I've said it, and ment it, and either lost there number, my wallet, the car, etc.. Sometimes that will happen..

But, like most things in todays society, it's become a standard responce to things. How many people give a atypical responce to How's your day, or nice weather outside isn't it..

In my opinion, woman always try to read more into guys that they should. Most think we're thinking something or trying to do something, or not talking because we don't like them or are mad..

Really, we're just thinking, I'd like a beer, and I'd like to see something naked..

There ya go, cat's out..

Be patient, it took me 3 girlfriends, a few one nighters, and a buddy to finally tell me, you should ask her out.. We're blind, hit with a good thing and we'd still miss it..

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Now, I know I'm bad for the I'll call you, I've said it, and ment it, and either lost there number, my wallet, the car, etc.. Sometimes that will happen..

But, like most things in todays society, it's become a standard responce to things. How many people give a atypical responce to How's your day, or nice weather outside isn't it..

In my opinion, woman always try to read more into guys that they should. Most think we're thinking something or trying to do something, or not talking because we don't like them or are mad..

Really, we're just thinking, I'd like a beer, and I'd like to see something naked..

There ya go, cat's out..

Be patient, it took me 3 girlfriends, a few one nighters, and a buddy to finally tell me, you should ask her out.. We're blind, hit with a good thing and we'd still miss it..

Thanks Dr. O.....you give me hope. I actually like men and appreciate their quirks and realize that they aren't much into the small details of life. It's just hard to be back out there and realize that nothing much has changed.

Thanks so much for bringing me back to the basics.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Now, I know I'm bad for the I'll call you, I've said it, and ment it, and either lost there number, my wallet, the car, etc.. Sometimes that will happen..

But, like most things in todays society, it's become a standard responce to things. How many people give a atypical responce to How's your day, or nice weather outside isn't it..

In my opinion, woman always try to read more into guys that they should. Most think we're thinking something or trying to do something, or not talking because we don't like them or are mad..

Really, we're just thinking, I'd like a beer, and I'd like to see something naked..

There ya go, cat's out..

Be patient, it took me 3 girlfriends, a few one nighters, and a buddy to finally tell me, you should ask her out.. We're blind, hit with a good thing and we'd still miss it..

Just one question Dr. O......how did you feel about the women that participated in those one night stands? Did you feel less about them? Did it make a difference to you that they were willing to have a one night stand?

 

[Lust Engine]

When you finally latch onto the right one...these sort of questions won't even be an issue. It just might be the lumps you've got to take in search of that perfect mate. I'm not saying it's fun by any stretch & I can sympathize with your pain.

Hang in there with it. I seriously believe there's someone for you out there.