A question of love or guilt

[Guest]

I came home this morning after taking care of an elderly woman who is being kept alive thru heroic measures. The most this woman can hope for is a life spent in a nursing home for the rest of her days, that is if she survives this grave illness. She previously lived independently and was happy. Now in spite of her stated wishes she is being kept alive only to face a life that she never ever wanted for herself.

Why do people not understand that there is a time to live and a time to slip gracefully from this life into another? Why do adult children who have been noninvolved suddenly show up and insist on these interventions? Do they want to punish their parent or is it just the selfish guilt that drives this cruel thoughtless behavior?

I looked into this woman's eyes and saw the frustration and pain because she is restrained so as to not pull out her tubes and felt such saddness. Holding her hand and trying to make her understand what was happening was futile because of her dementia. All she knows is that we are torturing her and it makes me ashamed to be a part of this process.

Please talk to your parents and others you love and ask them their wishes and then for God's sake have the courage to do what they ask of you when the chips are down. It is the greatest act of love you will ever show them.

Thanks for listening

 

[Guest]

Go and get registered, yoyotwat.

Let the old hug die, if she wants to.

 

[penguindance]

 

[Guest]

Can type properly and all.

 

[Cheyenne]

Why would you assume this was a yoyotwat thread and not that of a real caregiver?

Living wills ARE important. Get one and discuss it with your family. It is the loving thing for you to do.

 

[MissTaken]

Living Wills and DNR's

A must have.

Yes, begin the discussion concerning your loved one's wishes, then get it in writing.

IT saves you having to make any decisions during a difficult time if your loved one has made the choice in a fashion recognizable by law and health providers.

Even though a mother may say she does or does not want certain treatments or limits to her longevity, imparting that information can be difficult when faced head on with the consequences for sharing her wishes....your loss, you feelings of grief.

Also, it is best in the absence of a DNR or Living Will to include the closest family members in the decision. Making a group decision can be more easily managed on a personal level than one individual taking responsiblity for the death of a loved one.

 

[Debbie]

It is very sad about this woman. And for the person caring for her.

When bigrednz's mum was in hospital, very ill I would drive home late at night after reading to her, holding her and hand and talking to her; sobbing because of how miserable and tired she was.

She lived but has made the decision not to be resuscitated or to take any extreme measures to prolong her life. It is sad and hard to deal with but understandable. The living will is a good idea.