A Question For You

[Elsie Grey]

Ok, so when I was at the rowing club this morning I found out that the mens crew has had to scratch from tomorrows race. This is because half the crews wives/SO's said they couldn't do it.

Would you stop your loved one from doing anything and if so what?

Personally I wouldn't. I think people need time apart and none of the men that weren't allowed to compete spends too much time rowing (they are all less frequent rowers than me and I don't go THAT much despite what TheEarl will tell you! ).

What are your views?

Elsie

xxx

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Were it a regular thing, they should go. If it were a one-time deal, then that's a different question.

I should point out that this is the same question that came about some years ago when I was racing sailboats. Monday, Wensday and Saturday were race days. If your SO wouldn't let you crew, you got replaced on a perm basis.

If you has something serious like being run over by a bus or really injured by an Iraqi car bomb, you could miss one or two races. But, at the very least, amputation was manditory as an excuse.

 

[Elsie Grey]

Training is a regular thing, it happens every weekend, both mornings from 8 -12, which works out as 4 sessions. However no-one has to be there all 4 sessions, mens squad tend to do 1-2 most of them only do one. Training in the week is whenever people want.

Racing is slightly different in that the dates do vary but my club is really organised and publishes a list of event it intends to enter months in adavance. So it's not like people don't get any warning. These were all men who had confirmed availability and then were told by there wives/SO's they couldn't go because she wanted him at home that day.

Strangely, it's strictly a male thing, I have never had any of the womens squad say umm Elsie I can't race at the weekend my hubby says I have to stay home!

Elsie

xxx

 

[Liar]

Would you stop your loved one from doing anything and if so what?

Short of serious, self destructive shit... I don't think so. Not that I wouldn't vioce my objection if I was concerned about something. I've been in a situation where I asked my SO whether we really were together, or if it was just a paper tiger so she could say that she wasn't single. Because we were supposed to be an item, and we hadn't had a minute to ourselves for weeks. It was kindof annoying. But that was more about what we didn't do. I wouldn't stop anyone from anything specific.


But I can't help wondering, what's so bad about a rowing race to make them say no? Just because "they wanted him home"? Several of them at the same time? Unless this thing happens all the time, there must be something with either the day, or the specific race.

 

[Elsie Grey]

It happens regularly. One of them said that his wife says messing around in boats is not a normal activity for a married father of three. I don't see why not though, lots of our squad are married men with children!

Elsie

xxx

 

[glynndah]

My husband leaves every year for a trip with the "guys" that happens to coincide with our wedding anniversary. I've never even thought of telling him he couldn't go.

 

[Vermilion]

Training is a regular thing, it happens every weekend, both mornings from 8 -12, which works out as 4 sessions. However no-one has to be there all 4 sessions, mens squad tend to do 1-2 most of them only do one. Training in the week is whenever people want.

Racing is slightly different in that the dates do vary but my club is really organised and publishes a list of event it intends to enter months in adavance. So it's not like people don't get any warning. These were all men who had confirmed availability and then were told by there wives/SO's they couldn't go because she wanted him at home that day.

Strangely, it's strictly a male thing, I have never had any of the womens squad say umm Elsie I can't race at the weekend my hubby says I have to stay home!

Elsie

xxx

Which possibly means that the men, whilst knowing they had a race, failed to inform their SO who had made alternative family plans for that day. If I knew the Fiance had a race/event to do ahead of time there is no way I would stop him but if, in the way of some men, he sprung it on me at the last minute and I had promised someone else (possibly children) that we'd be doing such-and-such a thing and told him, but he'd forgotten, then yes, he'd have to bail on the race. Do you see?
It all comes down to communication really - whoever bags the date first gets it, unless it's trumped by something super-important (eg- international championship race or massive family wedding/birth of child etc)

x
V

 

[Elsie Grey]

Which possibly means that the men, whilst knowing they had a race, failed to inform their SO who had made alternative family plans for that day. If I knew the Fiance had a race/event to do ahead of time there is no way I would stop him but if, in the way of some men, he sprung it on me at the last minute and I had promised someone else (possibly children) that we'd be doing such-and-such a thing and told him, but he'd forgotten, then yes, he'd have to bail on the race. Do you see?
It all comes down to communication really - whoever bags the date first gets it, unless it's trumped by something super-important (eg- international championship race or massive family wedding/birth of child etc)

x
V

Yeah I see and if they have forgotten something then it's their own fault and I totally agree with the wives! If they are just being arsey (which appears to be the case) then I don't agree with it.

My last boyfriend used to complain that I was too comitted to rowing, what he actually meant was you aren't there for my every need when I'm bored. Nevertheless it was fine for him not to be around or to be competiting in the same race but if he wasn't racing then he didn't want me to either.

Elsie

xxx

 

[glynndah]

Any chance they were using "she won't let me" as an excuse because they didn't want to do it?

 

[Misty_Morning]

At first, my ex would ask if I minded if he did certain things. I never voiced any displeasure, in fact I encouraged him to do things independently. As the marriage went on and fell apart...he would do more and more stuff that I didn't like. If I ever said anything, that would drive him to do more just to piss me off.

Personally, I think each person needs time to do things on their own...to maintain their individuality. If one is not forsaking their obligations as a spouse or parent...go for it. But if it comes down to the point where one person has total disregard for the other's feelings...there's a problem.

 

[i812]

Personally, I think each person needs time to do things on their own...to maintain their individuality. If one is not forsaking their obligations as a spouse or parent...go for it. But if it comes down to the point where one person has total disregard for the other's feelings...there's a problem.

I agree with you. It seems to me that if the decision is based on selfish reasons, then there is a problem. We tend to support each other in pursuing things that add to the joy of life.

However, a wedding anniversary is a special day. I'm not sure that either of us would want to spend that day apart. At the same time, I think that glynndah is acting in a very selfless way. It seems to be true love and I hope her husband acknowledges it, and reciprocates.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Those women are screwy, manipulative, meddling little cunts.

Sorry, I'm in a mood. I can't help but be an ass.

 

[Misty_Morning]

Those women are screwy, manipulative, meddling little cunts.

Sorry, I'm in a mood. I can't help but be an ass.

That you are... which is so unlike you, sweetheart.

 

[Bob Waters]

Ok, so when I was at the rowing club this morning I found out that the mens crew has had to scratch from tomorrows race. This is because half the crews wives/SO's said they couldn't do it.

Would you stop your loved one from doing anything and if so what?

Personally I wouldn't. I think people need time apart and none of the men that weren't allowed to compete spends too much time rowing (they are all less frequent rowers than me and I don't go THAT much despite what TheEarl will tell you! ).

What are your views?

Elsie

xxx

I fence on Sundays on a fairly regular basis - say 3 times per month on average. At first my Mrs wasn't thrilled about it but it's about the only thing I do without her and I kind of put my foot down. If there is something going on family wise I'll skip fencing and she's usually pretty good about trying not to schedule stuff on Sundays.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I fence on Sundays on a fairly regular basis - say 3 times per month on average. At first my Mrs wasn't thrilled about it but it's about the only thing I do without her and I kind of put my foot down. If there is something going on family wise I'll skip fencing and she's usually pretty good about trying not to schedule stuff on Sundays.

I used to fence in high school. I'd love to do it again. Maybe next time around I'll use my dominant hand instead...

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Which possibly means that the men, whilst knowing they had a race, failed to inform their SO who had made alternative family plans for that day. If I knew the Fiance had a race/event to do ahead of time there is no way I would stop him but if, in the way of some men, he sprung it on me at the last minute and I had promised someone else (possibly children) that we'd be doing such-and-such a thing and told him, but he'd forgotten, then yes, he'd have to bail on the race. Do you see?
It all comes down to communication really - whoever bags the date first gets it, unless it's trumped by something super-important (eg- international championship race or massive family wedding/birth of child etc)

x
V

Yeah - Somehow, Elsie, I think you weren't given the full story. In one phase of my career part of my job was to listen to greivances explained with great pathos and passion. I and my colleagues quickly learned not to get sucked in, because on further investigation almost every time it turned out that - wait for it - there were two very different sides to the story, and we had only heard one. This has that aroma about it.

And then there's Glyndah's point - maybe they were afraid they were going to get their little girlymen asses wupped so they hid behind their SO's skirts. Pansies.

 

[Bob Waters]

I used to fence in high school. I'd love to do it again. Maybe next time around I'll use my dominant hand instead...

I know something you don't know....

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I know something you don't know....

You'd like to think that, wouldn't you!

 

[bruce_steele]

Why would they say that their "wives wudnt let em"..even if their wives didnt let them! I mean If I was married, I would come up with something like ...Gotta go for minor surgery or something...but "my wife wont let me"??...Sheesh!!!

Personally, I wudnt mind my GF doing anything short of sleeping around, and that too if she lets me too (im kiddin darlin )