A question for those wandering guys

[fallenhera]

ok this is more a question than anything. my guy loves me but really can stay attracted me. He looks at other women all the time, wether it be in public, or porn, or just looking when he sees one anywhere. i feel the more he looks at others the more I become unacceptable to him, the more my attraction goes down the drain, i find him texting other girls to get egos boost from them, and i catch him looking at other women longingly, and he will choose self gratification over sex with me most the time. he claims he is still sexually atrracted to me but i never find him intiating sex or see myself turning him on. im bi curious and he knows that and wants me to explore there but i feel its only for his advantage, he claims it will help us both out. but I want to know first and foremost im able to keep him. but im insecure a lot more lately knowing he finds my weight an issue and that I am not really turning him on. i feel this might end up a mistake and I end up cheated on and alone or worse jealous cause this girl for me ends up being for him and he gives her power over me. i love this guy and dont know what to do.

 

[texasm31]

I don't know what the question is????

 

[subwannabe]

You're feelings are correct. Ditch this guy because it is not going to work out. And, don't let this bother you're self esteem. There ARE decent guys out there, even for overweight women. Feel good about yourself and ditch this loser.

 

[SweetErika]

ok this is more a question than anything. my guy loves me but really can stay attracted me. He looks at other women all the time, wether it be in public, or porn, or just looking when he sees one anywhere. i feel the more he looks at others the more I become unacceptable to him, the more my attraction goes down the drain, i find him texting other girls to get egos boost from them, and i catch him looking at other women longingly, and he will choose self gratification over sex with me most the time. he claims he is still sexually atrracted to me but i never find him intiating sex or see myself turning him on. im bi curious and he knows that and wants me to explore there but i feel its only for his advantage, he claims it will help us both out. but I want to know first and foremost im able to keep him. but im insecure a lot more lately knowing he finds my weight an issue and that I am not really turning him on. i feel this might end up a mistake and I end up cheated on and alone or worse jealous cause this girl for me ends up being for him and he gives her power over me. i love this guy and dont know what to do.

1) The more he looks at other women in ways that hurt you, the more of a jackass he makes himself out to be. His viewing habits have nothing to do with you, and say everything about his character (or lack thereof, rather).

2) Why are you putting up with a guy who texts others for an ego boost, chooses masturbation over sex with you and never initiates sex with you?

3) He sounds like a selfish asshole, you I bet you're right on the money with your feeling about him wanting you to explore women for his own benefit. This kind of guy will almost certainly use his support in your exploration as ammo when he wants to fuck other people.

Why are you staying with someone who treats you so poorly? That's the real question here, isn't it? You need to summon the courage to get out before you get in any deeper, then work on yourself and find someone who treats you well. It's better to be alone than to be used/abused.

 

[NippleMuncher]

1) The more he looks at other women in ways that hurt you, the more of a jackass he makes himself out to be. His viewing habits have nothing to do with you, and say everything about his character (or lack thereof, rather).

2) Why are you putting up with a guy who texts others for an ego boost, chooses masturbation over sex with you and never initiates sex with you?

3) He sounds like a selfish asshole, you I bet you're right on the money with your feeling about him wanting you to explore women for his own benefit. This kind of guy will almost certainly use his support in your exploration as ammo when he wants to fuck other people.

Why are you staying with someone who treats you so poorly? That's the real question here, isn't it? You need to summon the courage to get out before you get in any deeper, then work on yourself and find someone who treats you well. It's better to be alone than to be used/abused.

My thoughts exactly! Boot this loser's ass to the curb and don't look back. He is undeserving of your love, time, and attention.

 

[Loverskitten]

I'm with the group. You may think you love him but when you find someone (and you will) who makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, you'll realize you never loved this ass and he was emotionally abusing you. Get out now while you still have any self esteem.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

ditto on the above!

don't be surprised if he is having an affair... While you say you may love him, it obviously isn't reciprocated - one-sided love isn't a lot of love...

 

[WaitWhatt]

You're feelings are correct. Ditch this guy because it is not going to work out. And, don't let this bother you're self esteem. There ARE decent guys out there, even for overweight women. Feel good about yourself and ditch this loser.

This. I cringed reading your post. "it'll help us both out" ? What the fuck? Don't let him pressure you into doing something for his benefit. He sounds like an ass and it's not normal for a guy to be that obsessed with porn and other women.

Obviously a lot of guys still watch porn and look at someone that walks by..but this guy sounds excessive. Texting for egoboosts? Ok, I've had guy friends who were in relationships and they still texted me because obviously that's what friends do..but they're not getting "ego boosts" over it or neglecting someone else in the meantime.

And why do you "love" someone who you have doubts about? Someone who makes you feel insecure? Someone who isn't even getting turned on by you? Sounds more like you feel lonely and afraid you won't be able to get anyone else once he's gone but well it doesn't sound like you actually have him right now. Maybe he's a chubby chaser that pries on women who are overweight and insecure.

 

[TeaforMe]

Your self esteem will rise dramatically once you kick him to the curb. He is a dead weight bringing you down with mental manipulation and emotional abuse because he cannot conduct himself properly in a healthy relationship. HE has the problem, not you, and once he is gone and out the door, you will breathe a refreshing breath of fresh air, and you will realize you are much stronger than either one of you gave you credit for.

Treat yourself like you are precious, then others will. Hugs!

 

[Etaski]

Agreeing with all the above and reiterating:

Do NOT get into a threesome under these circumstances. It won't mean anything of the sort that you'll keep him (not that you should anyway), and she WILL have that power over you that your fear. So will he. You'll become second.

No. Take care of yourself. You're worth more.

 

[infinity706]

Honestly, I'd say looking at and flirting with other people isn't much of a big deal. It doesn't mean you're unattractive. It's more the fact that you only have one body and you're not the only attractive person out there. I'd assume you probably look at and flirt with other people, too.

As far as the initiating sex thing, though, you didn't mention whether you ever initiate sex. It's not really fair to make the guy do all the work, though. Assuming you don't initiate, you should really try it. When he gets home, grab him, put you hand on the back of his head, shove him up against the wall, and kiss him forcefully. The head thing, you want to cup the back of his head like models in softcore cup their breasts. This is supposed to be sexy, not surprise him, bounce his head off the wall, and give him a concussion.

When you're in a relationship for a long time, though, you will lose some of the passion you had in the beginning, no matter who you are. That doesn't mean you have to have less of a sex life. You just have to work harder on it. I also have a feeling this has less to do with your weight than it does with your self confidence. If you want to be sexy, you have to believe you are. Some of the women I know that get all the guys are over 300 pounds. They get so much attention because they work for it. They flirt aggressively and make the first move sometimes. Sure, there are some guys that dont' like sexually aggressive women, but there's a lot more that would be extremely pleased if you met them at the door, naked and shoved their face into your tits. Contrary to popular belief, guys aren't thinking about sex 24-7. Most will be willing participants if you get your sexy on and jump their asses, though.

 

[bullus]

Here are the guts of the matter at hand.

>He's looking everywhere but you.
Confront and nip this in the bud. If you are unhappy about it now, you will still be unhappy about it in 6 months.

>You love him, and want to see/make him happy.
Great, 50% of this relationship is in the right place...but it takes two to tango successfully. No amount of extra effort on your end will make up for his 50%. Ever.

Unhappiness hurts you, that's clear. Continuous unhappiness will turn into animosity. How much do you love yourself? Are you interested in removing your likes and passions from your life just to make someone happy that won't even make the effort to satisfy you?

If you aren't happy, your partner won't be either.

If you want to chat more, shoot me a PM, I'll be more than happy to listen and help any way I can.

 

[bumlicker]

dump him

kick him to the curb aand see what he says then!!!

 

[more_snow_plz]

Your self esteem will rise dramatically once you kick him to the curb.

Kick him to the curb, yes. Feel better immediately? No. You will probably feel worse at first. Get through the first week or so and don't go back to him; then you'll start to feel better!

Be good.

 

[Island_Barbarian]

ok this is more a question than anything. my guy loves me but really can stay attracted me. He looks at other women all the time, wether it be in public, or porn, or just looking when he sees one anywhere. i feel the more he looks at others the more I become unacceptable to him, the more my attraction goes down the drain, i find him texting other girls to get egos boost from them, and i catch him looking at other women longingly, and he will choose self gratification over sex with me most the time. he claims he is still sexually atrracted to me but i never find him intiating sex or see myself turning him on. im bi curious and he knows that and wants me to explore there but i feel its only for his advantage, he claims it will help us both out. but I want to know first and foremost im able to keep him. but im insecure a lot more lately knowing he finds my weight an issue and that I am not really turning him on. i feel this might end up a mistake and I end up cheated on and alone or worse jealous cause this girl for me ends up being for him and he gives her power over me. i love this guy and dont know what to do.

I am missing a lot of information to tell what is going on here. All guys look at other women, no big deal, though some are better at hiding it.

The question is does he tell you that you are beautiful (and mean it!)? Does he tell you your sexy? Does he say he only needs you?

Does he initiate sex and you refuse it? That can make a guy stop iniating sometimes if it happens too much. That said, you don't have to have sex every day if you don't feel like it.

Is it early the relationship, like the first year or two? If yes, bad sign...time to move on. That is the best time...and the passion usually goes down after that.

If you are bicurious, try out a woman on your own and see if she makes you happier!

Plus, the main thing is that you have to "enjoy being with the person you are with". If you don't then almost anyone else will be better. Being by yourself will be better. Learn to embrace the idea of being free and available again.

My two bits...I am not a therapist, but people sometimes say I give good advice...though less so recently. haha!

Take care.
P.S. If you are cool enough to put yourself out here on Lit with this question, you are already cooler than 75% of women and deserve the best!

 

[warl0ck1]

ok this is more a question than anything. my guy loves me but really can stay attracted me. He looks at other women all the time, wether it be in public, or porn, or just looking when he sees one anywhere. i feel the more he looks at others the more I become unacceptable to him, the more my attraction goes down the drain, i find him texting other girls to get egos boost from them, and i catch him looking at other women longingly, and he will choose self gratification over sex with me most the time. he claims he is still sexually atrracted to me but i never find him intiating sex or see myself turning him on. im bi curious and he knows that and wants me to explore there but i feel its only for his advantage, he claims it will help us both out. but I want to know first and foremost im able to keep him. but im insecure a lot more lately knowing he finds my weight an issue and that I am not really turning him on. i feel this might end up a mistake and I end up cheated on and alone or worse jealous cause this girl for me ends up being for him and he gives her power over me. i love this guy and dont know what to do.

First let me say I love porn. but I love my wife more. we have been together for more then 17 years married for more than 15. yes she is different today than than but so am I.

second I come here on lite and flirt with people but it has only had a benaficial effect on how I feel about my wife.

that said my sex drive does ebb and flow there does seem to be times where I cant be bothered with sex to much work but have no issue with masturbating. and at other times I will have sex with her in the morning before work come home for a bedroom lunch and again in the evening.

if he isn't interested in you personally than I think its time to end it no amount of women you bring home will change his mind

 

[boredVAwife]

And then there is the other side of the coin. Maybe he wants out but doesn't know how to do it. Perhaps these subtle signs he's sending you mean more than he has let on. I have been in his shoes and though I dearly wish I'd gone about it a different way, I had an affair simply because what the hubs and I had wasn't what I really wanted. Ours was a marriage of convenience as much as anything and after several years I was lonely, because he worked 60 hours a week, and needed more when he was home. I would do it differently years ago if I had it to do over again but I would have still wanted out none the less. For you I hope that his flirting, etc does not hurt your own self esteem. I also hope the two of you can get to the core of the issue. Good luck to ya both.