A question for the Lesbians.

[Retrieval]

I've always wondered something about certain Lesbians and I think this would be the best place to ask.
Most straight men seem to think that Lesbians are only attracted to Feminine women, I believe they get this from porn. I on the other hand know different, but that doesn't mean I understand it.

Considering Lesbians are into women why is it that some Lesbians are attracted to women that act, dress, walk and talk like men? ( I suppose people would call these women 'butch')

 

[Retrieval]

What , nobody wants to answer my question?
Are you afraid of something or are you just discriminating against me because I’m a straight male?

 

[John Doe]

The short answer is they just are. Beyond that it's based on the individual. I don't think anyone can give you a direct answer that would apply to most of the lesbians that you asked about.

Anyway, the GLBT board moves slowly compared to other Lit boards, especially the GB. I suggest giving it another 24 hours before the next bump. Although your first one seemed rather defensive and presumptuous.

 

[SweetCherry]

I don't know if I totally identify as lesbian, so I doubt I could give an accurate answer for the question you want. However, I'd think it's like any other attraction. Some lesbians like "butch", some lesbians like "femme". Just like some guys like big breasted girls and some like small breasted girls. I just plain never think about WHY I'm attracted to people. I just accept the fact that I am. *shrugs*

 

[AussieAngel]

Not comfortable with men.. but still seeking the feeling of being held and cared for in some strong arms. the feeling of protection...
If that makes any sense at all. Want the masculine figure but dont want the man.. :S

~AA~

 

[Etoile]

The short answer is they just are. Beyond that it's based on the individual. I don't think anyone can give you a direct answer that would apply to most of the lesbians that you asked about.

Anyway, the GLBT board moves slowly compared to other Lit boards, especially the GB. I suggest giving it another 24 hours before the next bump. Although your first one seemed rather defensive and presumptuous.

That was an excellent post. I have nothing further to add because you said it all for me.

 

[bluebell]

Nice an' warm in 'ere

I'm not a lesbian, but I've thought about girl/girl sex a lot, and I'd have to agree with Angel. There's an attitude with women that is completely different from that of a man. Call it softer, gentler, whatever. The point is that no matter how butch a lesbian is, she's probably going to be automatically less sexually threatening and more kind to be with (depending on the variety of sex games both people like) than a man.
There's so much more to get past to be with a man. Bravado, ego, possibly selfishness (sexual and otherwise) that sits more on the surface than with a lot of women. That is not to say that there aren't sensitive, caring males out there, but let's face it- they are probably difficult to find.
That sort of thing can be intimidating, but if a lesbian feels attracted to a butch lesbian then they're kind of getting the favorable mannish qualities without getting the man, just like Angel said.
I mean, why do women like strap-ons? Why prefer a strap-on when you could have "the real thing"?
Because there's an entirely different viewpoint associated with that male appendage when it's attached to, you guessed it, a dude. Not necessarily bad, just not what some women want.

 

[Retrieval]

I'm not a lesbian, but I've thought about girl/girl sex a lot, and I'd have to agree with Angel. There's an attitude with women that is completely different from that of a man. Call it softer, gentler, whatever. The point is that no matter how butch a lesbian is, she's probably going to be automatically less sexually threatening and more kind to be with (depending on the variety of sex games both people like) than a man.
There's so much more to get past to be with a man. Bravado, ego, possibly selfishness (sexual and otherwise) that sits more on the surface than with a lot of women. That is not to say that there aren't sensitive, caring males out there, but let's face it- they are probably difficult to find.
That sort of thing can be intimidating, but if a lesbian feels attracted to a butch lesbian then they're kind of getting the favorable mannish qualities without getting the man, just like Angel said.
I mean, why do women like strap-ons? Why prefer a strap-on when you could have "the real thing"?
Because there's an entirely different viewpoint associated with that male appendage when it's attached to, you guessed it, a dude. Not necessarily bad, just not what some women want.

Goood post bluebell7. It makes a lot of sense.

 

[Never]

Retrieval:
"Are you afraid of something or are you just discriminating against me because I’m a straight male?"

When did you stop beating your wife?

" Considering Lesbians are into women why is it that some Lesbians are attracted to women that act, dress, walk and talk like men? ( I suppose people would call these women 'butch')"

I'd say there are a number of factors involved. Firstly, there's a difference between biological sex and gender. A lesbian isn't attracted to men but it doesn't follow that they're not attracted to traits our culture as defined as masculine. I know many men who are interested in 'tomboyish' women - women who will watch the game with them, don't frilly themselves up, and enjoy physically stimulating, outdoor activities - but it would never occur to them that what they really wanted was another man.

There are also the social roles that each gender plays out. In every relationship, someone has to take out the trash, move the furniture, kill the spiders, and unplug the toilet. Society has given us a traditional model for who does what based on gender and lesbians are just as likely as anyone else to feel comfortable in those roles. It's true that traditional gender roles are becoming more fluid but I think it's part of human nature to want clear expectations and obligations.

I feel good about myself when I carry in my partner's groceries, help her move, or go out in the middle of January to warm up the car for her. She feels good about herself when she fixes a meal for me or does my laundry. Part of it is just being helpful and part of it is the pleasure of fulfilling a role.

The exact form 'butch' has taken is also a historical development. The butch-femme dynamic was created at a time when being in a relationship with another woman meant being utterly rejected by society. Thirty years ago, my being a lesbian would mean to many that I wasn't a *real* woman. I would be a freak, an aberration, and likely mentally ill. Given that attitude and the accompanying hostility to those who were openly gay, it's not surprising to see a type of compulsive masculinity crop up among women trying to cope with their sexuality.

 

[Etoile]

I'd say there are a number of factors involved. Firstly, there's a difference between biological sex and gender. A lesbian isn't attracted to men but it doesn't follow that they're not attracted to traits our culture as defined as masculine. I know many men who are interested in 'tomboyish' women - women who will watch the game with them, don't frilly themselves up, and enjoy physically stimulating, outdoor activities - but it would never occur to them that what they really wanted was another man.

There are also the social roles that each gender plays out. In every relationship, someone has to take out the trash, move the furniture, kill the spiders, and unplug the toilet. Society has given us a traditional model for who does what based on gender and lesbians are just as likely as anyone else to feel comfortable in those roles. It's true that traditional gender roles are becoming more fluid but I think it's part of human nature to want clear expectations and obligations.

I feel good about myself when I carry in my partner's groceries, help her move, or go out in the middle of January to warm up the car for her. She feels good about herself when she fixes a meal for me or does my laundry. Part of it is just being helpful and part of it is the pleasure of fulfilling a role.

The exact form 'butch' has taken is also a historical development. The butch-femme dynamic was created at a time when being in a relationship with another woman meant being utterly rejected by society. Thirty years ago, my being a lesbian would mean to many that I wasn't a *real* woman. I would be a freak, an aberration, and likely mentally ill. Given that attitude and the accompanying hostility to those who were openly gay, it's not surprising to see a type of compulsive masculinity crop up among women trying to cope with their sexuality.

I still have nothing to say, because you also said it so well.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

I agree with a lot of the responses here. As a lesbian, it isn't that a woman is 'girly' or 'butch.' What I am looking for lies in her heart and soul. In the end, that is what matters the most.

 

[uome1]

Bull dykes scare the shit out of me.

I prefer femmes but I think that that cute women in wore out jeans are also incredibly sexy. A woman who really enjoys their femininity can be very alluring no matter what she wears.

Also, I am not a fan of short hair, I guess it goes back to my uneasiness around butches.

 

[Never]

uome1:
"Bull dykes scare the shit out of me."

Why?

 

[uome1]

uome1:
"Bull dykes scare the shit out of me."

Why?

I have absolutely no idea. All I can say is I get very nervous and uncomfortable around them. There is really no logic to it. Don't get me wrong, I don't run screaming from the room when I'm around them. But there is always some level of uneasiness. I don't know if it's because I see them as somewhat rejecting their femininity. I love being a woman and enjoy displaying my feminine qualities.

This is just a personal hangup of mine. I am in no way attemping to put down another individuals personal preferences. Along the same line, I should not be faulted for my own preferences. It's just the way I am. I am not asking for others to change the way they are to compensate for my hangups.

 

[angelkitty7888]

balance

me and my girl are resonably ballenced she's more tomboy yes but we are pretty equal in that area.... i like football she likes to watch movies / i like romance and comedy she likes action and adventure / she hates makeup i like makeup / i like dresses and skirts she likes jeans and a teeshirt / we both like our long hair and we both like showing off our curves (sometimes)

she is generally in control more often than i am and i like it that way (though i do like throwing her down and having my wicked way with her )

so my relationship is a balance between the two of us... i wouldn't call either of us butch or femme..... we're just women who love each other....

 

[AussieAngel]

me and my girl are resonably ballenced she's more tomboy yes but we are pretty equal in that area.... i like football she likes to watch movies / i like romance and comedy she likes action and adventure / she hates makeup i like makeup / i like dresses and skirts she likes jeans and a teeshirt / we both like our long hair and we both like showing off our curves (sometimes)

she is generally in control more often than i am and i like it that way (though i do like throwing her down and having my wicked way with her )

so my relationship is a balance between the two of us... i wouldn't call either of us butch or femme..... we're just women who love each other....

Very Very nice.

I wish i could find someone to be like that with.

~AA~

 

[playwithlezli]

I've always wondered something about certain Lesbians and I think this would be the best place to ask.
Most straight men seem to think that Lesbians are only attracted to Feminine women, I believe they get this from porn. I on the other hand know different, but that doesn't mean I understand it.

Considering Lesbians are into women why is it that some Lesbians are attracted to women that act, dress, walk and talk like men? ( I suppose people would call these women 'butch')

I think you are right in assuming a lot of info straight people have on lesbians is from girl on girl porn scripted by men for mens enjoyment. As to me and my gel, well, she looks butch and I look femme, but she is has many feminine traits and is terrified of mice: I go on solo wilderness adventures and fart in bed, so I would say for sure, you cant judge a dyke by her cover!

 

[bluebell]

Good morning Joan

Sorry guys, I know this is late and not related to what the last few people have posted, but I wanted to say thank you to Retrieval for the compliment.
So, thanks...

 

[kiwisub]

For the same reason why are a lot of gay men attracted to TV and TS (and not to mention straight men !!!)

 

[Brikiin118]

It dosn't really matter for me, I cannot stand a girly-girl (unless shes got large b00bs) but like for example I like Kendra Wilkinson who is a tomboyish girl with large b00bs, I personally don't care as long as the chest and stuff is OK, really

 

[neonflux]

I think you are right in assuming a lot of info straight people have on lesbians is from girl on girl porn scripted by men for mens enjoyment. As to me and my gel, well, she looks butch and I look femme, but she is has many feminine traits and is terrified of mice: I go on solo wilderness adventures and fart in bed, so I would say for sure, you cant judge a dyke by her cover!

Nicely put, Lezli! Very much a description of my ex an myself, although I would have said she was androgynous rather than butch. Me? I'm attracted to a full range of women, from femme to butch - more about persona & energy than anything else... (as to most recent comment regarding breasts - I tend to like women who are on the small side, not sure if this is because I've got more than enough for both of us, LOL). Oh, know plenty of femme lesbians but have yet to meet one that is truly a girly-girl (including me!)

 

[playwithlezli]

My girlfriend and I were out for dinner last night, so while waiting for the food I told her about this thread. She liked my comment, then added to it by telling me that she had always tried to look and act more feminine when living a straight life, but now that she was in a homosexual relationship she had become comfortable with her "butchness". I, on the other hand, have been quite butch most of my life, and am now, for the first time, comfortable with being a female, and with being feminine a good portion of the time.

 

[Retrieval]

Sorry guys, I know this is late and not related to what the last few people have posted, but I wanted to say thank you to Retrieval for the compliment.
So, thanks...

No problem, just telling it how it is.

 

[Retrieval]

For the same reason why are a lot of gay men attracted to TV and TS (and not to mention straight men !!!)

I have no idea.

 

[Retrieval]

My girlfriend and I were out for dinner last night, so while waiting for the food I told her about this thread. She liked my comment, then added to it by telling me that she had always tried to look and act more feminine when living a straight life, but now that she was in a homosexual relationship she had become comfortable with her "butchness". I, on the other hand, have been quite butch most of my life, and am now, for the first time, comfortable with being a female, and with being feminine a good portion of the time.

Hey, nice bra, I missed it first time around. Yes that's right people, as fascinated by breasts as straight men are we do tend not to notice these things from time to time.