A question for the LDRs re:feelings etc

[Lizzie_Borden]

I'm curious as to how the folks in LDRs deal with the not so cheerful feelings, specifically ones relating to play, and things not going quite right.

You know, the ones where you really just need a cuddle.

I ask because it happened to me a few days ago. Was playing around on cam with a "friend", and something just squicked me the wrong way.

Previously, in my live in relationship, that'd be the time where we'd cuddle, and chill out, and talk, and everything would be fine. But this time, despite chatting about it, it wasn't the same, and largely, I had to process those feelings alone.

I don't think I liked it at all.

I'm wondering how other people deal with these sorts of things.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Music has been the answer for us. He has sent me playlists of what has become my "soundtrack". There are certain songs that calm me. When I have those moments where I need a cuddle, he will tell me to turn on a certain song (or I will tell him that I need music therapy) He and I will listen to the same song at the same time while he continues to talk and comfort me.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Well for us, We have had to deal with this in our relationship cause 9 months of our year being together we lived more than 2400 miles apart from one another Ive actually never lived in a D/s situation in all the years Ive been into D/s. ( maybe someday it will happen ) As for how to deal, when I am sadden or feel the need for more. We normally webcam ( not sex just face to face contact) and he is right there for me to talk me thru it, wether it is online, text or Phone. He knows when I dont feel centered, or right and for us the webcam and phone worked. We survived living that far apart cause of our emotional connection. and our ability to talk it out when I was missing him. This worked for us I hope it might work for you... YMMV Good luck in your journey

 

[the captians wench]

This exact thing has happened to me a few times. Jounar will trigger something that is just too much for me and I'll kind of freak out.

In these moments he'll have me dress in my comfy clothes then bundle in my blanket and curl up with a pillow on the bed as we chat. He'll tell me how proud he is of me, and how much he loves me and we'll talk about why I feel I freaked out. Since I have gone from being naked and exposed to being bundled up in clothes and blankets, I feel cuddled, and I feel like he's right there with me.

This is what has worked for us over the past three years.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Thanks everyone

I see more talking is needed... I'll get there!

 

[Hisscarlett]

I agree with everyone else. Before I moved from Ireland to North America to be with Master we were obviously long distance.

It was really hard, I am a very tactile person and constantly craved some physical contact, even just a hand on my hair or a cuddle from Master. The way he dealt with it was to talk to me, reassure me and to get me to cuddle up in something warm. He was forever asking me if I was warm enough, I remember how cared for that made me feel.

Constant communication was the key for us and we both now feel that was one of the key things that helped us deal with that LDR period.

I wish you and yours happiness.

 

[Homburg]

Music has been the answer for us. He has sent me playlists of what has become my "soundtrack". There are certain songs that calm me. When I have those moments where I need a cuddle, he will tell me to turn on a certain song (or I will tell him that I need music therapy) He and I will listen to the same song at the same time while he continues to talk and comfort me.

We do something similar that I took to calling a "listening moment". It started before we were together. She was feeling really low one night, and I was in the car talking with her by IM on my phone. A song came on that I'd sent her a copy of a while back, and it was one that was soft and pretty and had special meaning for both of us. I asked her to load the song and listen to it with me. She felt better, and it became something of a touchstone for us both.

I will also have her heat up a heating pad that I gave her, and wrap it around herself like a hug. It sounds kind of silly, but it helps.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Daddy tells me to make the rubber band on my wrist tighter when i'm not feeling right. i wear an elastic hair band on my wrist all the time to help me remember who i belong to.

We don't really play when we aren't together. Before i met Him i thought i could never handle a LDR without online play in between but have found i actually prefer it. We chat a little once or twice a week or at least exchange offline messages and exchange a couple of kisses via text each day but that's about it.

i used to be big into webcam and doing assignments but since meeting my Daddy i'm just not anymore. i have found other things to occupy me and am content to just fantasize about the next time we can be together in the flesh.

 

[bohemiansub]

I've not got used to it. When all that you want is a cuddle, and computer screens may be warm, but they don't hug, it can be hell. Then Ma'am just has to talk to me until I settle, or I have to throw myself into something. At least my carpets are well vacuumed!

 

[dollfla]

It's kind of ironic; i very recently asked Someone about this very issue. i've tried online, LD relationships and always found them to be completely lacking in substance. i was worried that perhaps it was me, and that may still be true, but the One i asked agreed that a LDR is very difficult to maintain. There needs to be a very strong connection between the two of Y/you; i believe that is what i always lacked. i felt more like a 'performing monkey' than a cared for submissive. i wish you all the best in your relationship!

 

[ecstaticsub]

It's kind of ironic; i very recently asked Someone about this very issue. i've tried online, LD relationships and always found them to be completely lacking in substance. i was worried that perhaps it was me, and that may still be true, but the One i asked agreed that a LDR is very difficult to maintain. There needs to be a very strong connection between the two of Y/you; i believe that is what i always lacked. i felt more like a 'performing monkey' than a cared for submissive. i wish you all the best in your relationship!

I can definitely see where a person would feel like a 'performing monkey' if there was not the emotional and connection in the relationship.

If when I started this relationship 3.5 years ago someone told me I would could feel the way I do about someone I only see in person a few times a year I never would have believed them. There are some sessions (like this morning) that are as emotional, as orgasmic, as draining, exhausting, as mentally awesome as anything I have experienced in so called real life. It is because we love each other, and we are such a great match in what we need and desire from each other.

Sometimes I think since we are so dependent on words and verbal communication through phone lines we learn to make those words really count. I express myself verbally when I used to keep things inside and let body language try to convey my thoughts.

At this point my PYL knows me so well, and I know him. In someways we have gotten a little vanilla, like an old married couple in some ways. We care and nag gently about each others health, stress levels and children. But because of our dynamic we still have that intensity where his voice and his order to get naked and turn on the cam gets me wet immediately.

I don't know if all that made sense...I'm still floating