A question for Dom/mes

[RJMasters]

I was reading a thread started by cellis which asked 5 questions to subs. The last question was:

What was more important, the mental or physical aspects of BDSM?

After reading the thread I notice it was like in the high 90% that mental won out over physical even if just by a nose.

I would be interested in seeing how the Top view it. No right or wrong answer just am interested in knowing. If you post to explain your answer, that cool too and I thank you in advance.

 

[soapstar]

From the other end, I dont or maybe cant distinguish.

The physical is because of the mental and the mental is because of the physical. Chicken and the egg I reckon.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Mental

Not because I don't enjoy the physicality of it..I do. But even more than that, I love that connection when I look at her.
Getting into her headspace, teaching her where I want us to go, sharing my life with her. These things, more than the sex or the scenes, make me glow inside.

Luna

 

[PyroDemon]

If it is game to you, then of course it is going to be mostly physical and you will never understand the true aspect of the life. The look in your subs eyes, the knowledge that you are totally and competely trusted to control, the thought that she is under your protection,and the thrill of the path you both take to find happiness. Yes, and for some of us, there is alot of love involve and we all know love is 95 percent mental. Without lots of thought, insight, and learning, you will never fully realize the power and reality of the physical. I could never have a sub that was purely in it for the physivcal part, It must be part of her soul to be submissive and please.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Mental

There is nothing more exciting than the mental rush I get when my slave is helpless before me. Especially since he's 6'5" tall and 230 lbs. and I'm a 5'3" petite little Mistress.

 

[The Mutt]

Re: Mental

There is nothing more exciting than the mental rush I get when my slave is helpless before me. Especially since he's 6'5" tall and 230 lbs. and I'm a 5'3" petite little Mistress.

I live to serve.

 

[WriterDom]

It is a flawed question. It is like asking a plant what is more important. Sun, or rain? Without either it dies.

 

[MissTaken]

Nicely put, WD.

I can no longer choose one over the other.

 

[FungiUg]

I'm afraid I'm in agreement. I didn't vote, as I wouldn't be able to separate the two.

I don't do long distance very well, largely because of this. I need the mental, but I need the physical as well.

I can make an effort and exceptions in the rare case, but mostly... I like the two to be hand in hand.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Interesting question,

I would have to say that the mental aspect is much more important to me than the physical aspect, however the two are hard to separate. Whatever the mental game is you are playing it will have an aspect on the physical side, and the reverse can be said as well. I cannot imagine having to live without one or the other.

But they are two separate realms in which a Dominant (m/f/TV) can play with their sub (m/f/TV). There is a pure physical side to BDSM, at least in my perception of BDSM, which can be very fulfilling at times. Yes it has a mental side effect but so has everything in life, when I kiss my slave it will have a mental aspect however it will give me a pure physical pleasure.

The cracking of the whip in the air and the sounds of my palms hitting my slave’s bottoms are very fulfilling at times and meant purely as a physical pleasure. But of course the mental aspect plays an even bigger role in my life, the ordering of a slave, the knowledge that I can have her whenever I want, to know that she is at my mercy fulfils my needs in a way which can not be equalled by pure physical pleasure. The love we feel for each other makes our union strong and pure, but my sadistic side also needs to feel her flesh retracting from my hands in pain.

If for whatever reason I would have to choose between the two I would have to choose the mental aspect. If you are in a relationship it is a good question to ask yourself, what if something happens to your partner that diminishes the physical aspect to a minimum, can you still find fulfilment in the relationship?

Can you overcome your physical needs and still be fulfilled enough?

Francisco.

 

[WriterDom]

I can dominate someone on the phone or online, but the true reward is in the flesh. For the Dom and the sub. So I'd lean to the physical, but the mental is in full force also.

 

[NCShin]

I voted mental.

What I like most is the look in her eye at the second that she decides to do something that I tell her. It can be simple, anything really, silly even, stand on one foot. The look in her eye as she does it is wonderful.

So is that mental of physical? I'm telling her to do something in the flesh and seeing it in her face, yet it's the mental reaction that i'm seeing.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Nice remark NCShin, it reminds me of a story:

Once upon a time, Chuang Chou dreamed that he was a butterfly, flying about enjoying itself. It did not know that it was Chuang Chou.

Suddenly he awoke, and veritably was Chuang Chou again. He did not know whether it was Chuang Chou dreaming that he was a butterfly, or whether it was the butterfly dreaming that it was Chuang Chou.

Between Chuang Chou and the butterfly there must be some distinction. This is a case of what is called the transformation of things.

Sometimes it is better to have separations between realms of reality, however it is impossible to always have a clear distinction, fusion between realms is the reality of our existance.

Francisco.

 

[Netzach]

I really need both to feel like I'm doing something worth my time. Some physical evidence, even, at a distance. Some mental awakening or purpose, even in straight no-power-play SM.

 

[MissTaken]

It actually depends on my own headspace.

Sometimes, I completely focus on him, his needs and what I need to do to get him into that mental space and enjoy the look in his eyes and the full exchange of power.

Other times, I crave the physical release of energy that happens when I flog him. I enjoy the Dom Buzz or simply doing the things that make me wet.

 

[RJMasters]

Mental

I agree with WD when he says, it is like asking a plant what is more important. Sun, or rain? Without either it dies.

And yet I also agree with catalina, "If you are in a relationship it is a good question to ask yourself, what if something happens to your partner that diminishes the physical aspect to a minimum, can you still find fulfilment in the relationship?"

Another question would be for those in online(only) or LDRs. Obviously the mental aspect is very important.

Many have said they need both to be fulfilled, and see them as equal. I can respect. I think there is also room for those not able to have both and must rely on the mental.

I do think it is interesting that 90% + of the bottom say mental, (even if it is just by a nose). And so far in this thread its a split between mental and both. I may have missed something, but not many have said flat out physical.

This is very interesting to me. One thing I think about is the "trend" in vanilla relationships where the woman wants the "Romantic Love" and the men "Sexual Love". The Romatic Love being thoughts and emotions, the Sexual Love being more the physical aspects of sex.

Though these are probably not exact parallels, I can see a corelation, but it is interesting to note that this pattern in BDSM relationships is not the same as in vanilla relationship. I guess that in a BDSM relationship, there is a strong tend towards the mental aspects of the relationship from both Top and bottom.

Ok done rambling. Ty for your comments.

 

[RJMasters]

Mental

double post

 

[RJMasters]

Mental

Triple post...browser hanged. sry.

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Mental

Another question would be for those in online(only) or LDRs. Obviously the mental aspect is very important.

Many have said they need both to be fulfilled, and see them as equal. I can respect. I think there is also room for those not able to have both and must rely on the mental.

From the Domme in me...yes, the mental is very important in an online only/LDR. There is a physical aspect that is also very important to me, but with him it is not necessary that I be the one to receive physical (sexual) pleasure. he needs that physical (sexual and painful) release more than I do in this relationship at this time and because it is of the online/LDR varity at the moment, I do what I can (usually in the form of a reward) to make sure he has some level of physical expression in real life where he is...which is on the other side of the world from me. It may be only something wicked that he knows he's doing and no one else around him does, or it may be something public where others can/are watching. he gets a physical rush, a sexual pull from it. I can't see his eyes, but I know his heart and I know his mind and I know his needs and he would be the first to tell you that he doesn't lack anything that he 'needs'...save being with me face to face. In that way, the mental is necessary for him as well...

I'm not sure if it makes sense, but it works for us, for now...My need for the mental and his for the sexually physical mingle together and is fulfilling to the farthest extent possible in an online/LDR.

Just my two cents worth...

Belle

 

[Mr Blonde]

I understand how some could think they are intertwined, but I still voted for mental being the most important.

My relationships and encounter where physical was the #1 priority were less satisfying than relationships where there is a mental connection.

 

[Learn Humility]

My relationships and encounter where physical was the #1 priority were less satisfying than relationships where there is a mental connection.

I agree with that 100%.

And some form of emotional connection makes it better still.

I would also say that if you can control the mind first, the body falls quickly into line, while the reverse is not necessarily true, making the mental aspect the more important of the two.

And, as most "real time" D/s relationships are grounded in sexual activity (I don't go in much for the on-line thing), particularly at the beginning, it is usually more of a challenge to control the mind, and, therefore (for me, anyway) more satisfying.