A question for all subs

[HeyAll]

A lot of it is also the role reversal.

I'm sure most people here have heard that ceo type figures and people who are in charge all day like to be dominated sexual so that they give up control for once. And of course there's the people who are just curious. And there's the people who simply just find it erotic and it pushes the right button.

 

[Stella_Omega]

yeah, I've heard about that since forever, but not really met such a sub face to face until last weekend. She's VP at a firm whose name you would recognise, and she comes home and crawls into Daddy's lap. Daddy flies planes IRL and loves to relax and play naughty games with his little girl.

Thy seem to have a lot of fun together.

 

[Netzach]

I've met a LOT of people a LOT LOT LOT of people who are balancing out major responsibilities. Some are well paid, some are not.

 

[Stella_Omega]

This couple is also one of the first "well paid" couples I've met that really sincerely play.

And also, maybe-- they are interested in that damn baroque toys idea of mine. I might finally get funding and biz partners.

 

[kitten00]

Most likely because you are using difficult words that you don't understand.



How are you supposed to please your master when you feel perfect already?



Is there a reason why you use such derogatory terms when describing submissive women?

I get beef jerky for my pet - that is his most important desire.



First you call them pets, then you deny that they can be conditioned. You don't make much sense. If you pick a point of view, you should stick to it.

First of all, youre an ignorant ass who has not a single fucking clue what he is talking about, so I would bite your tongue before something comes back to you. I hope you never own a pet, because you certainly don't deserve one, or have the respect for one in order to treat them right. Calling a sub 'Pet' is a term of endearment-a name which many subs come to cherish. Why contribute to a thread where you know nothing about the subject? You are making yourself seem like an arrogant and egotistical ass and not helping the person who started this thread because they were requesting HELP. Thank you for your input, please go away.

 

[slut_kitten]

Absolutely not. I don't see BDSM as compensation for any self-esteem issues that I may or may not have. When I looked back at my childhood I realised that even at the age of 8, when I was tied to a tree and strangely enjoyed it, I showed signs of being a submissive. For me that suggests that it was inevitable, rather than anything related to teenage anxiety.

 

[Primalex]

Calling a sub 'Pet' is a term of endearment-a name which many subs come to cherish.

And you try to tell me I would have no clue?

You are making yourself seem like an arrogant and egotistical ass

I am one, silly. Unfortunately (for you), BDSM is not reserved for the HelloKitty-community.

 

[BiBunny]

Unfortunately (for you), BDSM is not reserved for the HelloKitty-community.

*Snort*

You owe me a new monitor for that one, you arrogant ass, you.

 

[Primalex]

*Snort*

You owe me a new monitor for that one, you arrogant ass, you.

Size?

 

[BiBunny]

Size?

1366 x 768 for a laptop, if you please.

 

[njlauren]

And you try to tell me I would have no clue?



I am one, silly. Unfortunately (for you), BDSM is not reserved for the HelloKitty-community.

y

A lot of straight people use the term pet as a term of endearment as well, it isn't reserved for the D/s community. First of all, a lot of people with their animal companions don't see them the way you seem to think, most people with pets tend to have a very strong love for them, it is a bond that in some ways can be stronger then a human one, and when it comes to some kinds of companion animals, like parrots, it is literally a lifelong commitment (parrots can live to be 80 or more in captivity.

Keep in mind that unless my experience is off, this is not a master treating a sub/slave as an animal (with all due respects to those into the roleplaying area of for example being a dog or cat, though I will add I haven't known anyone who does a 24/7 like that, usually situational), rather it reflects a special relationship within the D/s. The sub called "pet" is cherished as a beloved companion animal would be but otherwise they are seen as fully human and valuable and loved. The Pet refers to the power status, has nothing to do with humiliation or demeaning the person,far from it. Either you have been reading the stories in the BD/SM section here on Lit for your idea of how this stuff works in real life (bad idea, most of those stories are not BD/SM, they are abuse masquerading as BD/SM) or you saw one example of something and assumed it to be the truth, not sure.

 

[Primalex]

A lot of straight people use the term pet as a term of endearment as well, it isn't reserved for the D/s community.

But most likely not about other people they don't know. And for sure not as generalization for every D/s relationship. How would you react if the shop clerk would talk about your partner and refer to him or her as "pet"?

Keep in mind that unless my experience is off, this is not a master treating a sub/slave as an animal, rather it reflects a special relationship within the D/s. The sub called "pet" is cherished as a beloved companion animal would be but otherwise they are seen as fully human and valuable and loved.

That's your interpretation. And of course, there are the animal kind of D/s relationships which obviously use the label "pet" for the sub, too. And I don't think these are less valuable than any other kind. So it's rather presumptuous to pick the definition you like. That's like calling someone a hoe and insisting that the tool was meant.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Primalex I think--

I think something's wrong. Your logic is off kilter in a way that is not quite normal for you. If you happen to be on meds, you need to get them adjusted-- and I speak from experience here, honestly.

 

[njlauren]

But most likely not about other people they don't know. And for sure not as generalization for every D/s relationship. How would you react if the shop clerk would talk about your partner and refer to him or her as "pet"?



That's your interpretation. And of course, there are the animal kind of D/s relationships which obviously use the label "pet" for the sub, too. And I don't think these are less valuable than any other kind. So it's rather presumptuous to pick the definition you like. That's like calling someone a hoe and insisting that the tool was meant.

Chief, I agree with Stella, you are all over the place. First of all, we aren't talking about a shop clerk calling my partner and referring to her as a pet, that is inappropriate, not because pet is degrading, but it is a personal term used by people in a relationship, which a store clerk is not. It would be like a waiter coming over to the table and kissing my partner or fondling her private parts, it is inappropriate since neither of us desired it. You are confusing contexts here trying to make a point. It is no different then being in scene space and someone approaching a sub/slave with another person (or even a 'free' sub) and acting with them in a dominant fashion, it is inappropriate because the sub/slave is not 'their' sub/slave. If someone did that in scene space, they would get a mouthful from the sub's dominant and also from the DM's and others. Brits, both male and female, call their SO's pet (I seem to recall the old Andy Capp comic strip he called his wife that), and it is meant endearingly. I used that as an example to show about context, that the term pet doesn't need to be demeaning, that's all.

No, it isn't my interpretation, words have context to have meaning. I hate to tell you, but to use your example, the partner of a woman could call her a 'hoe' and in the right context be loving. For example, person is in bed with their partner who is wearing outrageous lingerie and such or is going out to a club with them dressed very sexy, and the partner says with a smile "now there is my little hoe, all dressed up for me" (or the word slut can similarly used), whereas a partner made because they think their partner has been sleeping around calls them a they are a hoe and a slut, there are few who would see that as a term of endearment.

"Pet" when used by a sub in referring to themselves or by a dominant towards their sub is a term of endearment, it indicates a word they use to describe their relationship, it is not demeaning or meant to be, any more then it is with the straight couple who uses it, even if the context is different.

As far as role-play in BD/SM where they are emulating a dog or cat let's say, or a pony, and its owner, I didn't say it wasn't as valuable, I simply pointed out that what the OP that you decided to be snarky with was talking about had nothing to do with either this kind of scenario, or being demeaned.

 

[kitten00]

And you try to tell me I would have no clue?



I am one, silly. Unfortunately (for you), BDSM is not reserved for the HelloKitty-community.

Oh you got me there- I thought it was all about fucking flowers and cuddles thank you for your insight! Finally Im clued in!

 

[kitten00]

Chief, I agree with Stella, you are all over the place. First of all, we aren't talking about a shop clerk calling my partner and referring to her as a pet, that is inappropriate, not because pet is degrading, but it is a personal term used by people in a relationship, which a store clerk is not. It would be like a waiter coming over to the table and kissing my partner or fondling her private parts, it is inappropriate since neither of us desired it. You are confusing contexts here trying to make a point. It is no different then being in scene space and someone approaching a sub/slave with another person (or even a 'free' sub) and acting with them in a dominant fashion, it is inappropriate because the sub/slave is not 'their' sub/slave. If someone did that in scene space, they would get a mouthful from the sub's dominant and also from the DM's and others. Brits, both male and female, call their SO's pet (I seem to recall the old Andy Capp comic strip he called his wife that), and it is meant endearingly. I used that as an example to show about context, that the term pet doesn't need to be demeaning, that's all.

No, it isn't my interpretation, words have context to have meaning. I hate to tell you, but to use your example, the partner of a woman could call her a 'hoe' and in the right context be loving. For example, person is in bed with their partner who is wearing outrageous lingerie and such or is going out to a club with them dressed very sexy, and the partner says with a smile "now there is my little hoe, all dressed up for me" (or the word slut can similarly used), whereas a partner made because they think their partner has been sleeping around calls them a they are a hoe and a slut, there are few who would see that as a term of endearment.

"Pet" when used by a sub in referring to themselves or by a dominant towards their sub is a term of endearment, it indicates a word they use to describe their relationship, it is not demeaning or meant to be, any more then it is with the straight couple who uses it, even if the context is different.

As far as role-play in BD/SM where they are emulating a dog or cat let's say, or a pony, and its owner, I didn't say it wasn't as valuable, I simply pointed out that what the OP that you decided to be snarky with was talking about had nothing to do with either this kind of scenario, or being demeaned.

Finally!! And intelligent and thought out explanation that can be used to put this stupid subject to rest. Thank you for your insight, you explained it beautifully.

 

[nodakgirl]

how my dom has helped me....

I have issues with feeling worthy.....

I have a history of finding happiness in serving others, and making myself and my needs come second. Although, my dom let's me serve him because I LOVE too....

He has taken the time to learn what it is that I like, he knows what I want, and that I'm usually too shy to ask....he makes sure my needs are met and that I feel taken care of, loved, and secure.

I identify as his "pet" and I love it He is my daddy/dom/owner/master.....He has my affection and devotion.....regardless of title used. I have his attention, love, and concern.

One area for me that has improved, is that my husband was not very giving with sex. I was great at making him happy, but he didn't know how to return the favor, lol. As a result, over the years I felt deeply unworthy. So when we opened our marriage, and I was with others...I still had a very hard time "receiving" attention.

I still struggle, but with my dom I'm convinced I'm worthy. He builds me up, teaches me, challenges me and it affects my other relationships as well....in a positive way. My marriage is much happier now.

I help him too....in any good relationship, you both grow and learn. I think this is what you were alluding to when you started this post???? or maybe I'm way off. If so, I apologize. If not, I hope I helped

 

[Wannabe2012]

Nodakgirl - Thanks so much for the insight and kind reply. I appreciate your honesty and yes, it does help.

 

[MoleskineScribbler]

A lot of it is also the role reversal.

I'm sure most people here have heard that ceo type figures and people who are in charge all day like to be dominated sexual so that they give up control for once. And of course there's the people who are just curious. And there's the people who simply just find it erotic and it pushes the right button.

As a man with sub fantasies I think this is exactly right. It's not about self esteem. It's about letting go and letting someone else take control for a change.

 

[FurryFury]

Sounds perfect and I don't pull out the P word often.

As a man with sub fantasies I think this is exactly right. It's not about self esteem. It's about letting go and letting someone else take control for a change.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Actually, as a sub, Id have to say confidence is a huge part of the equation. How are you supposed to please your master, be perfect for him, when you feel imperfect and dont please yourself? A dom is meant to care for his pet, so yes, he should be there to pick her up when she is down. I think its a bit insensitive for you to imply that simply sending nude photos will fix anything, shame on you.

Not every D/s relationship works that way. Some people get off on a negligent pet owner and some submissives or bottoms would hit you over the head for making the assumption that it's ok to call them pet.

*Snort*

You owe me a new monitor for that one, you arrogant ass, you.

I'm grateful that I read your post before his. Your *snort* saved my monitor.

 

[Netzach]

When you first became a Dom, did you have a low self-esteem or confidence issue?

 

[dexwebster]

I think mixing BDSM and low self-esteem is a mistake. It's too easy to recreate abuse and call it your deepest desire.

And it isn't only submissives who embed their low-self esteem in BDSM relationship. Dominants are just as likely to be coping with low self-esteem issues with their behavior.

I mostly agree with this, but I think there's a distinction between someone with low self-esteem doing BDSM because it's what they're into, and someone doing it in the pursuit of fixing themselves (either a submissive hoping to lay their problems at the feet of a partner who can fix them, or a dominant looking for validation via being viewed as an authority figure).



To the OP,

I personally do have major self-esteem/self-worth issues (and a host of others, thanks, mom), and while I don't identify as a submissive, I'm a switch who's the junior partner in a full-time power dynamic (I'm prickly about terminology, and 'sub' and 'slave' to me are like my middle school gym shorts: they still technically fit, but they poke in uncomfortable ways--given my druthers, I'd be the knight to his lady).

I'm pretty confident in saying those two things are completely unrelated.

My partner--and, I think, any dominant partner--can only do the same things any other friend or partner can to help: be supportive and encouraging, mostly, and in my case at least call attention to when I'm stuck in a self-hating unproductive thought process. Rational acknowledgement of my accomplishments doesn't stop my gut reaction to any mistake that I'm completely stupid, worthless, etc., and that's the kind of the thing where it's handy to have someone to step in and say, 'You're being irrational, let's move on to fixing the mistake instead of wallowing in it.'

Beyond that, it really requires the person to want to change for it to happen. They're the one ultimately that has to stop the patterns of thought and behavior.

 

[Primalex]

Chief, I agree with Stella, you are all over the place. First of all, we aren't talking about a shop clerk calling my partner and referring to her as a pet, that is inappropriate, not because pet is degrading, but it is a personal term used by people in a relationship, which a store clerk is not.

How about you go back and read the original post?

Brits, both male and female, call their SO's pet (I seem to recall the old Andy Capp comic strip he called his wife that), and it is meant endearingly. I used that as an example to show about context, that the term pet doesn't need to be demeaning, that's all.

Obviously you failed to understand that it is not about how YOU call YOUR SO, believe it or not, I couldn't care less, it is about how YOU label the SO or relationship of OTHER people.

I hate to quote text again, just because you are too lazy, too arrogant or too stupid to read properly what was written, but I'm in a good mood, so I do you this favor one more time:

A dom is meant to care for his pet

A Dom doesn't have to have a _pet_, neither in the animal nor in the loving kind of interpretation. A Dom doesn't even have to have a long-term relationship, there are Pro-Doms out there, too, in case you didn't know, who care for their bottom as long as she pays and the time is not yet up and I seriously doubt you would call them "not true Doms". The quoted text is a stupid blanket statement from a HelloKittyLover, who thinks BDSM relationships should look like a Meg Ryan movie and I reserve the right to call this out, even if our transsexual friends here get all upset about my lack of tactfulness.

The implication that my job as a Dom would be to have a loving or careing relationship, is so wrong in so many ways that I can only shake my head. I married my wife because I love her and do want to care for her and want to be with her till either one of us dies and I dominate her because I'm a Dom. And if you mix these two things up, you not only insult me, but my wife also.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I married my wife because I love her and do want to care for her and want to be with her till either one of us dies and I dominate her because I'm a Dom. And if you mix these two things up, you not only insult me, but my wife also.

In other words it's entirely coincidental that you love and care for your submissive.

You DO, as it happens, love and care for your sub, but you might not in other circumstances.

Although you don't choose to do so at this time,You COULD dominate a partner cruelly and uncaringly. If you wanted to.

And you never call her "pet."

Gotcha