A question for all subs

[Beck31]

First off let me apologize for responding late to the question. I don't always have the time to be online and to check things on the forum. Regarding the OP's original question: Yes, I had low self esteem when I first met my mistress.
She constantly checks on me and reassures me that I am still wanted and desired as her puppy. She also looks out for me and prevents me from doing any harm to myself. Its those little things that make me feel loved and I can proudly say I am well cared for and I love my mistress with all of my heart.

 

[SunnySub]

i LOVE being a sub. my Master is fabulous. i do not have low self esteem. Quite the contrary. i've always been very independent and in total control in my "normal" life. i LOVE being controlled when it comes to sex. i completely get off on someone telling me what to do and controlling my body. i will do ANYTHING for my Master!

 

[MellowTone]

I know I'm late to this party, but I thought I would post a reply since I'm a brand new sub and it's all fresh in my mind. I didn't fully embrace my submissive nature until after my self-esteem and confidence issues were resolved. Like so many American women, I struggled immensely with these things in my teens and early twenties. And like all human beings, I still have doubts about myself sometimes. But, becoming a sub is something that happened at the end of that journey, not the beginning. Speaking for myself only, I believe it would be very damaging, probably fatal, to my relationship if I relied on my Dom for building me up or maintaining my confidence. Of course, his attention and praise make me feel special, but without my own inner strength/esteem, I wouldn't be able to be a good sub or maintain a healthy relationship.

 

[xssve]

Complicated, many of he people who equate submissiveness with low self esteem confuse self esteem with social status, i.e, the esteem of others, real or imagined, like "society" or some other abstract institution.

So first, is it how you feel about yourself, or how you feel about what "others" may be thinking about you?

If the latter, the assholes can help you grow a thicker skin, if the former, you should think long and hard about what it is you really need to get out of this, because if whatever you're doing is making you miserable and you don't actually enjoy that, you should probably try doing something else.

Bottom line, you have a finite amount of time to spend on this planet, so spend it the way you want, there are no refunds.

 

[xssve]

If anything I would say a good sub needs high self esteem, since chances are good you'll draw more than your fair share of opinionated assholes poking their noses in your business.

Personally I wouldn't want some depressed bitch moping around, but it doesn't bother everybody I'm sure.

So, if you're an approval slut, then that's what you need - I don't think anybody is ecstatic 100% of the time, it's an imperfect world, but if you're unhappy all the time, you need to to figure out why - you might actually talk to a mental health professional about it, preferably, a kink friendly one.

 

[Stella_Omega]

IMO, approval sluts should be doms. Then they can demand approval as part of service. And they so very, very, often do.

 

[xssve]

Mea culpa.

Of course, it's really about who, specifically, approves.

Meaning I wouldn't force myself on somebody who found it truly objectionable, that would be uncomfortable for me, not to mention, possibly illegal.

 

[xssve]

To put that another way, I have no problem impiously defying the approval of my peers, they need to get over themselves or they're not my peers.

i.e., if you are courting the approval of your peers or your parents, to the exclusion of anything your self might prefer, you'll probably be a fundie Christian or at least money grubbing vanilla yuppie scum.