A Poet's Lament

[SmilingLez]

My question, is it ok to introduce a new character in that way when telling a story? I do agree that "Debbie sees Jayne" rolls off the tongue smoothly.

Homage to Rhyme 1

In a VW bus painted bright with peace,
Where the air is thick with the scent of release,
Jayne tokes freely, her spirit laid bare,
A warrior of love with a flower in her hair.

Debbie sees Jayne, a spark in the air,
Fingers brush lightly, a forbidden affair.
Their moans are loud in the darkest of nights,
Two wild souls lost in erotic delights.

In the heat of night, finding their stride,
Each touch a promise, no need to hide.
Slowly revealing what makes them tick,
Building their trust with each daring new trick.

The fourth stanza for Homage to Rhyme 1 finished.

In a VW bus painted bright with peace,
Where the air is thick with the scent of release,
Jayne tokes freely, her spirit laid bare,
A warrior of love with a flower in her hair.

Debbie sees Jayne, a spark in the air,
Fingers brush lightly, a forbidden affair.
Their moans are loud in the darkest of nights,
Two wild souls lost in erotic delights.

In the heat of night, finding their stride,
Each touch a promise, no need to hide.
Slowly revealing what makes them tick,
Building their trust with each daring new trick.

With whispered agreements, their hearts intertwine,
Exploring desires, both gentle and fine.
Each nod a consent, a guiding embrace,
In trust's warm cocoon, they quicken their pace.

Edit - replaced the with their