A poem for Ang.

[destinie21]

A poem for Angeline to review


Some girls are just too pretty.
They sparkle and shine
like sharp porcelain figures begging to be broken.

I am the clumsy child with the hammer skipping merrily about
Shattering their impossible worlds of perfume and cosmetic ads.

Later when everyone has gone to bed
pretend to be dying of some strangely exotic disease and they have all come to visit me,
but girls like them never talk to girls like me

I wonder if they even see me.


Some girls are just too pretty
they drift from place to place like falling leaves.

Beautiful in their time, but sinking slowly to the ground
with the change of season,


I want to be the old gardener who is paid to finish the job,
raking them into a slowly dying decaying pile,

all because some girls are just too pretty.

 

[Angeline]

Dear Beautiful Rainbow Woman

Des ain't nobody's fool. Don't believe it for a New York D) minute. That little minx wanted pick of the day, and she's got it. I love the poem; I'd have recommended it were it posted because the content is beyond pretty and well into gorgeous.

It is really a poem about perception--not just just the old "beauty's only skin deep" chestnut, which gets an interesting twist here, but also a muse about what endures. Some girls are just too pretty to last, but for me the old gardener is the really interesting character in this piece. Has she come to terms with past hurts and is proud to have endured, or is she vengeful and unresolved still?

I'd make the following minor changes--mainly to separate out what I think are key lines, but that's just my opinion.

Anyone else want to review it?

Great poem, Des.


They sparkle and shine
like sharp porcelain figures
begging to be broken.

I am the clumsy child with the hammer
skipping merrily about
Shattering pretty impossible worlds
of perfume and cosmetic ads.

Later when everyone has gone to bed
they pretend to be dying of some exotic disease
and they have all come to visit me,
but girls like them never talk to girls like me

I wonder if they even see me.


Some girls are just too pretty
they drift from place to place
like falling leaves.
Beautiful in their time,
but sinking slowly to the ground
with the change of season,


I want to be the old gardener
who is paid to finish the job,
raking them into a slowly dying decaying pile,

all because some girls are just too pretty.

 

[destinie21]

mama didn't raise no fools

I might be clever but not today when I'm all mellow from left over turkey and wine. I'm having a tryptophan fit. Thanks for the review anyway. Someone has got to keep you on your toes.

ps thanks for the structure to like I said it's the tryptophan it's always the tryptophan

 

[Angeline]

lol. had a turkey sandwich for dinner. My eyelids are fluttering.

 

[The_Fool]

Okay Destinie....

I've gotta ask.

I get the imagery of your poem except for one stanza:

Later when everyone has gone to bed
pretend to be dying of some strangely exotic disease and they have all come to visit me,
but girls like them never talk to girls like me


Can you give me a little more info? Is it a girl thing that I am too foolishly male to understand?

Thanks,

Fool

 

[Angeline]

Is it a girl thing that I am too foolishly male to understand?

LOL. Don't be silly. teehee. Wottsamatta u? You don't like a little ambiguity?

 

[destinie21]

I don't know if it's a girl thing but it is a drama queen thing.
I've taken it down a notch or two though I'm more of a drama duchess now.