A once in a lifetime offer

[PAUL C]

Feedback for your story. A once in a lifetime offer

So you want feedback?

Here's the deal.

The link to the stories I have on this site.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=14461

Chose one, read it, vote, then post some words about it with a link to your stories.

I will reciprocate.

If you give you shall receive.

 

[silversword]

Once in a lifetime offer: accepted

Paul, in response to your offer I have read your latest story Home for the Hols.

Not having read any of your work before (nothing personal) it would seam that most of your stories are interlinked. I infact chose this story as it appeared at first glance that it may not be linked.

My personal preference for stories from this site is either one of two. Either, a quick fix, ie a fairly short and graphic story with little extended plot. Alternatively, and by far my prefered option the building story interlaced with sex there is a real sotry.

Your story here is possibly neither, it has little story, it seams to either rely a lot on other stories involving these character or entirely on the couple of paragraphs of flashbacks. Then too little sex to fit the first option. Although the scene with Laurie and Frankie is tantalising it doesn't lead to anything. No sooner has Laurie finished with Frankie, then she leaves her only to be taken from behind by a stranger.

Ok so it wasn't my personal favourite story because it doesn't suit my taste however I can't dispute that is a good well written story.

Just one or two of those typos that were all guilty of:

She felt her legs go weak as he pulled his cocks from her hole and sat down upon the closed lid of the toilet seat.

I've only got one, and I always thought I was normal

Sorry, like I said everyones guilty of it especially me.

As requested a link to my stories, i'm fairly new so theres only a few to choose from.

silverswords stories

Look forward to hearing what you think of one of mine

silver


ps. i voted it a four, i liked it but just could have has a little more

 

[PAUL C]

Your story

Hi Silver

Thank you for your comments. My stories do tend to be a little short on sex at times I agree but they are intended to be more erotic than pornographic. Home for the Hols was written for Laurie, a fellow writer on Lit, last year. Laurie has always enjoys appearing in my stories and had been complaining that I hadn't mentioned her since I wrote The Popular Music Show. It might yet develop into a longer story.

I do find silly typos annoying. No matter how many times I proof read them they are still there. I've tried editors but when I am in full flow I can write two or three story parts a week and one editor I had could only review one a fortnight. I found it very frustrating.

On to your story.

Katherine's Exquisite Encounter.

Nice title, although Nicole does seem to play the leading role.

The actual story plot was a little distracting. Two girls come dressed to the nines to the poshest 'do' in town. They pick up two men, fuck them, then leave straight afterwards. Why?

Also I found it distracting when you started telling the story with Katherine in the lead but then it suddenly changes to Nicole picking up the first man alone then taking him to a convenient room and sucking him off. It would probably read better if it were told from a single perspective. Katherine could have gone with Nicole and watched her suck him off.

The sex descriptions were fine if reading a little like a shopping list during the orgy. He did this to her, then she did that to him.

It is difficult to try to describe the actions of four people at once. I know. I would have stuck to describing Katherine's view point in detail with reference to what Nicole was doing.

You missed the odd word out here and there as in 'David grabbed her breasts in each and pushed them up."

All in all not bad at all. I gave it a four.