A novice writer with a non con/reluctance story to tell

[Saintdragonslayer]

Hello,I have edited my first post and hope it is acceptable now. I am writing my first story for Literotica. The first 5 chapters have been posted in the Non Con/Reluctance section, but the emphasis is more on reluctance. It has been quite well received so far, with each chapter ranked at 4.5 or higher.

There is also an element of BDSM running through the story, and I would like some feed back as I don't practise the lifestyle except in my darker fantasies!

You can find my story here:

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5468369&page=submissions

Thank you.

Regards,

Saintdragonslayer

 

[lovecraft68]

Welcome to the forum.

There is a rule about the length of putting something in a post-I think its a paragraph- yours is longer.

I would suggest replacing it with a link to the first chapter and people can then read more if they want.

 

[AlinaX]

Three paragraphs, iirc.

 

[GroverLang]

Check your link

The link to your stories doesn’t work. You need to delete it and try again.

 

[Emirus]

From the extract you’ve given she’s not reluctant she’s role playing being reluctant. I’ve written and edited NonCon/Reluctance and BDSM and there is a difference.

I’ve also visited dommes and role played being submissive, because it’s a change from real life, and been told I’m not the ordinary kind of client. They’ve told me the majority of clients are actually submissive in real life so their sessions are very different in the way the domme prepares and deals with it.

 

[Saintdragonslayer]

Thanks for that! like I said I'm a newbie here and don't want to cause any bother. I agree that the extract I posted has role playing elements in it but the female character is only reluctantly participating to please the male character. For her, the tears are real.

It is not a true Dom/Sub situation, as you say. I was interested to find out if anybody found the mechanics of what they are doing seem accurate.

I will remove or edit the post and try to find out what happened with the link.
Apologies to all for the clumsy first post and thanks for the feedback.

 

[AnnieLit]

From the extract you’ve given she’s not reluctant she’s role playing being reluctant. I’ve written and edited NonCon/Reluctance and BDSM and there is a difference.

I’ve also visited dommes and role played being submissive, because it’s a change from real life, and been told I’m not the ordinary kind of client. They’ve told me the majority of clients are actually submissive in real life so their sessions are very different in the way the domme prepares and deals with it.

I think you misunderstood. Role playing being a sub and actually being a submissive one are very different things indeed, as both motivation and resulting enjoyment are very different. But being sexually submissive and being a submissive in regular everyday life are very different and uncorrelated things.

(For the life of me I can't come up with a single reason why one might want to role play it as to a "normal" person it will be just pain and/or humiliation without any benefits at all.

 

[AnnieLit]

Hi StDS, welcome to Lit!

You have probably heard this before, but please, use an editor. I started reading your first chapter to see how in the world does one combine non-con and BDSM, but could not get past first few paragraphs. Your imagery is good, but typos and punctuation make it very hard to read. I had to stop few times and go back, otherwise the text did not make sense.

Which means that I can't give any feedback on something I have not read, but in general non-con and BDSM are exactly the opposite. There is a principle of SSC (Safe Sane Consensual) that is very important to any D/s relationship, without continuous consent it becomes an abuse. And by definition there can be no consent in non-con. Sure, there are abduction and rape BDSM scenes, but those are role played, nobody is really raped, the sub still has the power to safeword out of the situation.

 

[KeithD]

This is writing fiction, nothing in real life. The importance of making such distinctions in writing fiction is . . . . ?

You don't have to follow any rules for bondage to be tied up or someone dominating another for domination to be in effect in a short story. Your characters don't even have to "get it right." No one's "rules" or "definitions" control what can happen in a short story.

 

[AnnieLit]

This is writing fiction, nothing in real life. The importance of making such distinctions in writing fiction is . . . . ?

You don't have to follow any rules for bondage to be tied up or someone dominating another for domination to be in effect in a short story. Your characters don't even have to "get it right." No one's "rules" or "definitions" control what can happen in a short story.

If you are writing a non-con story, of course you can tie up the victim and the readers will probably be quite happy with it. Just don't call it BDSM and especially don't put any bdsm tags on it. Because readers of that categoty will not be happy at all with this approach.

 

[KeithD]

Nope, none of your rules in writing fiction. You can call it BDSM if you like. You control nothing on what someone choses to put in their story. If someone gets tied up, it's bondage. If someone gets controlled, it's domination. If someone gets whipped, it's sadism. If someone wants to be whipped, it's masochism. It doesn't have to be done by anyone's sense of the right way to do it. It doesn't have to follow anyone's "rules" for doing it or depicting it.

And, guess, what. You can't control whether an individual reader enjoys reading it or not, either.

You clubbists were all over E.L. James for her Fifty Shades of Grey, readers flocked to the book, she cleaned up at the bank, and she opened up a whole genre to writers. And BDSM clubbiest had/have not an ounce of authority to tell her or other writers what and how to write.

 

[AnnieLit]

Nope, none of your rules in writing fiction. You can call it BDSM if you like. You control nothing on what someone choses to put in their story. If someone gets tied up, it's bondage. If someone gets controlled, it's domination. If someone gets whipped, it's sadism. If someone wants to be whipped, it's masochism. It doesn't have to be done by anyone's sense of the right way to do it. It doesn't have to follow anyone's "rules" for doing it or depicting it.

And, guess, what. You can't control whether an individual reader enjoys reading it or not, either.

You clubbists were all over E.L. James for her Fifty Shades of Grey, readers flocked to the book, she cleaned up at the bank, and she opened up a whole genre to writers. And BDSM clubbiest had/have not an ounce of authority to tell her or other writers what and how to write.

Em.... I hope the OP does not have E.L.James as his idol, at least his writing is much better.

Sorry to rain on your parade, but of course I have the authority to tell anybody whatever I want. The same way that you have an authority to disagree. And the OP has an authority not to listen to either of us.

 

[KeithD]

And the OP has an authority not to listen to either of us.

Yep, and if the OP wants to be a real writer, the OP won't live under silly clubbiest rules about how/what to write.

(And I think you need to recheck your understanding of "authority." It isn't something you give yourself or that someone gives you who doesn't have it themself.)

 

[Saffyre]

You clubbists were all over E.L. James for her Fifty Shades of Grey, readers flocked to the book, she cleaned up at the bank, and she opened up a whole genre to writers. And BDSM clubbiest had/have not an ounce of authority to tell her or other writers what and how to write.

Just had to comment when you mentioned E.L. James for whom I have a great admiration. Not as a writer, of course, but as someone very good at marketing. She wrote a ordinary boy meets girl; boy loses girl; boy gets girl back; they live happily ever after. Then she inserted into it lots of titillating bdsm for the susceptible masses, mostly women. A very clever women. Apparently she’s made around $150 million up to now. I wish I’d thought of it. I hasten to add I did read them but that was because I didn’t have to buy them. I borrowed them from a friend.

There is a difference between real life and fiction. In real life SSC and RACK have to apply whereas in fiction anything can happen. My story Amanda contains SSC and RACK and is perfectly believable in real life whereas Cruel Mistress is about a psychotic sadist, an obsessed masochist, and a true masochist and I hope nothing like that exists outside of fiction.

 

[KimGordon67]

Hi StDS, welcome to Lit!

You have probably heard this before, but please, use an editor. I started reading your first chapter to see how in the world does one combine non-con and BDSM, but could not get past first few paragraphs. Your imagery is good, but typos and punctuation make it very hard to read. I had to stop few times and go back, otherwise the text did not make sense.

Which means that I can't give any feedback on something I have not read, but in general non-con and BDSM are exactly the opposite. There is a principle of SSC (Safe Sane Consensual) that is very important to any D/s relationship, without continuous consent it becomes an abuse. And by definition there can be no consent in non-con. Sure, there are abduction and rape BDSM scenes, but those are role played, nobody is really raped, the sub still has the power to safeword out of the situation.

Are you saying that consensual non-consent can't be part of the bdsm dynamic ... because I'd beg to differ. (Or does the non-con category in Lit fiction preclude any aspect of consensuality, which isn't a word but you know what I mean?)

I can also imagine a number of reasons someone would participate in bdsm play - e.g. as a roleplay - when they weren't really 'into' it, the primary of these because it's something their partner enjoys.

 

[AnnieLit]

Are you saying that consensual non-consent can't be part of the bdsm dynamic ... because I'd beg to differ. (Or does the non-con category in Lit fiction preclude any aspect of consensuality, which isn't a word but you know what I mean?)

I can also imagine a number of reasons someone would participate in bdsm play - e.g. as a roleplay - when they weren't really 'into' it, the primary of these because it's something their partner enjoys.

From what I understand, non-con on Lit is really non-con, it has nothing to do with CNC.

 

[Saintdragonslayer]

calm down folks!

Please don't fight over me! I'm not worth it! Everybody is entitled to their own opinions on any subject. I would agree that my writing style might seem clumsy to some people. I apologise for this, and agree that I could benefit from an editor tidying up my humble efforts, but why should I? I have no pretensions about being taken seriously as a writer, but I have read hundreds of stories on Literotica for the last ten years and I think my first attempt at a story isn't so bad. I would be the first to admit that I will never be the next Harold Robbins or Agatha Christie. I swing a hammer on a building site for my day job. That puts food on my table and I am thankful for it. This little project of mine was born out of the idleness of the recent lockdown period. To me it is just a new hobby, something to pass the time.

As for the subject matter, I admit that I don't know that much about real life BDSM relationships, only stuff I have read about, or researched on youtube, to try to give some kind of substance to my story. When Peter Benchley wrote the novel "Jaws", I am fairly sure that he wasn't an expert in the subject of giant, man eating fish. I am also quite sure that William Peter Blatty wasn't a practising Exorcist when he wrote his most famous novel. To me, writing a story has become an escape from the boredom of everyday life and I reserve the right to write what I want, with the hope that some people might enjoy it and those who don't, won't be overly offended by it.

I appreciate all feedback, good or bad. I can take it on the chin and it will undoubtedly help me in my learning curve, to become more proficient in my new hobby, but please remember, this is just fantasy we are talking about here. The outside world has become a little too "real" in recent months and deserves more attention than this subject.

Thank you for your comments. Please stay horny and safe!

Saint D.

 

[Emirus]

I’ll try and make it clearer

I think you misunderstood. Role playing being a sub and actually being a submissive one are very different things indeed, as both motivation and resulting enjoyment are very different. But being sexually submissive and being a submissive in regular everyday life are very different and uncorrelated things.

(For the life of me I can't come up with a single reason why one might want to role play it as to a "normal" person it will be just pain and/or humiliation without any benefits at all.

I have visited professional dommes or mistresses, whichever term you wish to use, for many years and on numerous occasions in an age range from 28 to 76. 95% of the sessions have been one-to-one but there have been double domme sessions and on one occasion a three-to-one with, of course, the one being me. I didn’t know that until I arrived and it was nice of her to arrange to have two friends to add to the enjoyment.

A mistress comes in all shapes and sizes but they all have one thing in common. Although before and after the session they are their normal self once the session begins they act the part of the mistress. They play the role but the session revolves around what the client has specified. The mistress will not do anything the client is unhappy with and if it should accidentally happen as soon as she is made aware she will stop immediately. Back to that further on.

The mistress will never be naked. She will wear clothing designed to excite the client which is what the client wants, irrespective of their personality. Most mistresses will not allow body contact although I have visited mistresses who allow cunnilingus and masturbation (by the client on themselves). The client gets gratification from both and hopefully the mistress from the cunnilingus. I have to assume if it’s not doing anything for her she will stop the client thus spoiling it for them as well. I don’t know because I’ve never been stopped.

There are obviously sexual aspects to the sessions and arousal can be caused to both parties but the mistress will never be penetrated although it’s unusual if she doesn’t penetrate the client. Some clients want more from a session than others.

My knowledge has come from talking to some of the mistresses, obviously not all, of those I’ve visited. A poor mistress is one who doesn’t check beforehand so both of them are clear on, broadly, what’s going to take place. A good mistress, and this has happened to me on many occasions, will insist on you not just remaining for the debrief but also for a cup of coffee (or something stronger) and I’ve had plenty of cake and biscuits. But it will, naturally, depend on time constraints and how they’ve got on with the client.

The client who is naturally submissive in a session is the type of person who is, in real life, quiet, meek, passive and unassertive. They have a need to be submissive and to be told what to do. Corporal punishment doesn’t necessarily have to be included. Prior to one double domme session the ladies told me they were hosting, with a transvestite friend, what they called a “stockings and suspenders party” in the same premises immediately after my session and would I like to remain and observe and maybe be involved as a Dom. As the occasion might never occur again I jumped at the chance and it was an eye opener. I can’t remember the number who attended exactly, because it was a few years ago, but around 8/10. It was a very lucrative party for the three hours it ran as the house belonged to the transvestite.

One man was stood in the corner, facing the wall, with his pants around his ankles revealing his stockings and garter belt. Periodically one of the three mistresses would run their fingers along his penis and his balls but that was all. He could hear what was going on behind him but could only imagine. It was nearly two hours after the party began when I left and he was still facing the wall. Another man was taken upstairs for a smoking session and when I went to look he was tied up and literally choking on the cigarette smoke. But that was what he wanted. The submissive of one mistress brought a baker’s tray full of cake, sandwiches and drink. She put a ball gag in his mouth, which was needed, and gave him twenty strokes of the cane for “allegedly” not bringing enough. He’d not only paid for all the refreshments he’d also had to pay the admission price the same as everyone else. One man, a cross dresser, stood in the middle of the room fully dressed and with his cock out while another man, the image of the friendly uncle/grandad sucked his erect two inch cock. One of the dommes asked me to whisper in her ear and point to another elderly man. She then told him I wanted to know if I could buy him. He was so indignant and angry. He became very red faced and shouted, “I belong to Mistress. No one else can have me.” It really did open my eyes because it was something entirely different from my experiences.

Back to the role play by a client such as myself. The question of “I can’t understand why one might want to role play it as to a ‘normal’ person it will just be pain and/or humiliation without any benefits at all.

Have you never watched a film and imagined yourself as one of the characters? Okay if you replace Richard Gere in Pretty Woman but maybe not Bruce Willis getting beaten up in Die Hard. You want the enjoyment without the consequences and on your terms. Which is what a session with a good mistress(es) is all about. They ask what you want to and don’t want to do, what your limits are, and they tailor the session to your wishes. Any pain is within the limits you have set and you know the humiliation isn’t real. When she’s telling you your eight inches is pathetic and she wouldn’t be able to feel it inside her you know it’s not real. It’s acting. But she’s giving you what you want and that’s what matters. I was into acting when I was younger and it never leaves you which is why I enjoy playing the submissive even though I’m not submissive as anyone who knows me will tell you.

One man’s meat is another man’s poison. Which is something you have to understand. You might like Andrea Bocelli and I like Roy Orbison but neither of us is wrong we just get enjoyment in a different way. I don’t like being slapped in the face but I enjoy a good spanking. In fact, if the skin is warmed up properly a crop or paddle can then be used without marking the skin. Or certainly marks that will disappear within 2/3 hours. A towel draped over your bum, after spanking, will enable you to be caned without leaving marks. Although the pain is reduced but this can always be compensated for by an increase in the severity. But you should always have your red, amber and green and use them if necessary. I like gloved hands over my mouth and nose but I won’t accept a ball gag under any circumstances. It’s acting to your script and without any adverse consequences. It’s escapism. How many people get paid for a job they actually enjoy? How many of those who enjoy playing golf would like to get paid for it? How many would like to escape their ‘normal’ lives for a while if there were no adverse consequences?

There are no real life professional dommes who are sadists no matter what their websites may say. If there were they’d be out of business and be prosecuted. The good ones enjoy making the client happy and also, of course, get some enjoyment for themselves. In addition to getting paid for it.

Read Dominica for what a real life session is like. If you want to check her out to see if she’s real it’s Dominica de Sin at www.yourmistresslondon.com. Kia and William is totally fiction.

 

[KeithD]

Please don't fight over me!.

Not fighting over you. My part of the issue is in some club thinking it owns how fiction can be written and is willing to tell writers what they can/cannot do with a particular sexual kink. It can't/doesn't--unless a writer goes over control to club "rules." (which is the writer's option, of course)