A New Toilet Slave Story

[jack1986_smith]

Read my story here -

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/wholestory.php?storyid=9937

The story is written dramatically. So It's a long story and there is no sex things on first few chapters.

Please give some feedback as I am trying to make this story more realistic and reasonable for any improve.

 

[WittePiet]

Please get an editor

Jack, you need an editor urgently to sort out your English. You story is scarcely intelligible.

 

[YDB95]

I'm going to have to agree. Just looking at the layout on the page was enough to scare me off.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Jack, Despite totally agreeing with YD and WitteP, I have a more serious complaint.

Story Feedback is for asking for comments on work posted onLit. You have no right to post a link to a story site other than Lit and ask for comments.

 

[LaRascasse]

Hmm... this story could do with an edit. Find yourself an editor before posting it anywhere else.