A new Story
- Thread starter BigTri
- Start date
dr_mabeuse
seduce the mind
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2002
- Posts
- 11,528
There's a problem with writing in second person ('I/you') rather than first or third person ('I/she' and 'He/she', respectively), which is that most authors here (myself included) just don't care for it, so you might not get many takers on your request for feedback.
The subject's been discussed before, and the problem is basically that the author is telling the reader what the reader is doing. In a case like this, where you're talking to a woman in the story, it's especially awkward, because I'm not a woman, and being constantly told about my breasts and pussy kind of alienates me from the story, to put it mildly. Second person can work, occasionally, but most of the time you get this alienating effect.
The other problem is that second person is the voice of the daydream, it's the way most of us describe our sexual fantasies to ourselves, so it's a natural choice for the beginning writer, who's basically setting down his sexual daydreams on paper (or computer). As such, the second person narrative is often more of a daydream than a story, and people who are looking to read erotic fiction are therefore put off from reading it.
---dr.M.
The subject's been discussed before, and the problem is basically that the author is telling the reader what the reader is doing. In a case like this, where you're talking to a woman in the story, it's especially awkward, because I'm not a woman, and being constantly told about my breasts and pussy kind of alienates me from the story, to put it mildly. Second person can work, occasionally, but most of the time you get this alienating effect.
The other problem is that second person is the voice of the daydream, it's the way most of us describe our sexual fantasies to ourselves, so it's a natural choice for the beginning writer, who's basically setting down his sexual daydreams on paper (or computer). As such, the second person narrative is often more of a daydream than a story, and people who are looking to read erotic fiction are therefore put off from reading it.
---dr.M.
tamilianincest
Virgin
- Joined
- Dec 6, 2003
- Posts
- 1
nice
hi writer
your story is really descriptive and good to read.yet wht lacks in it is it is a really long one and the perspective view doesn't make it hot for readers to read.Even thought like writing"i am now kissing you " is good to read but when the scroll all the way to a higg down i find the same thing.So try to shorten your story and bit and just that i think. bye nt ake care
hi writer
your story is really descriptive and good to read.yet wht lacks in it is it is a really long one and the perspective view doesn't make it hot for readers to read.Even thought like writing"i am now kissing you " is good to read but when the scroll all the way to a higg down i find the same thing.So try to shorten your story and bit and just that i think. bye nt ake care
