A new dawn

[Gaia_Lorraine]

A public comment on my latest poem submission -:

10/03/05 By: Anonymous
"a sound of contorted metal
swaying hidden"

great image use here...

I am curious why you center the poems? It is distracting to my eye, especially when some lines are longer than others

I am sorry that your eye was distracted Anonymous, whoever you are, but there are also hidden images in the last few verses... a mushroom cloud is appropriate don't you think? And also a plant pot at the base of the poem with new life growing upward. Objects not easy to represent if not centralised.

Lorraine
x

A New Dawn

The new clear dawn shines down
upon the wasted land
Dust fills the air
picked up by the pincer
of Lucifer’s hand
stirred by his finger
and falls to the ground

Where green leaves danced
charred stumps remain
No birds to nest
The sweet sound of songbird
died in shame
skeletal and bare
the final song passed

The laughter of children
a sound of contorted metal
swaying hidden
No love, no souls, only rubble
razed to the ground
swirling dust

Oblivion

This is not the future
It happened not today
I lived it when I left you
Now a living nightmare
my world is empty
the earth is bare
the sky dark grey

I begin to toil and labour
and work this barren land
Water, sow seeds
Blood and sweat spews forth
to change this desert
from dry sand
into fields

Apocalyptic survival
this holocaust my test, look…
I want to show you something…
meadows of orchids
and butterflies
My harvest
My nest

Kneeling by your feet
I offer you my food
Like a sacrificial lamb
Led to the slaughter
The devil’s daughter
I offer you my fruits
I offer you my womb

© Gaia_Lorraine 2005

 

[My Erotic Tale]

A public comment on my latest poem submission -:

10/03/05 By: Anonymous
"a sound of contorted metal
swaying hidden"

great image use here...

I am curious why you center the poems? It is distracting to my eye, especially when some lines are longer than others

I am sorry that your eye was distracted Anonymous, whoever you are, but there are also hidden images in the last few verses... a mushroom cloud is appropriate don't you think? And also a plant pot at the base of the poem with new life growing upward. Objects not easy to represent if not centralised.

Lorraine
x

A New Dawn

The new clear dawn shines down
upon the wasted land
Dust fills the air
picked up by the pincer
of Lucifer’s hand
stirred by his finger
and falls to the ground

Where green leaves danced
charred stumps remain
No birds to nest
The sweet sound of songbird
died in shame
skeletal and bare
the final song passed

The laughter of children
a sound of contorted metal
swaying hidden
No love, no souls, only rubble
razed to the ground
swirling dust

Oblivion

This is not the future
It happened not today
I lived it when I left you
Now a living nightmare
my world is empty
the earth is bare
the sky dark grey

I begin to toil and labour
and work this barren land
Water, sow seeds
Blood and sweat spews forth
to change this desert
from dry sand
into fields

Apocalyptic survival
this holocaust my test, look…
I want to show you something…
meadows of orchids
and butterflies
My harvest
My nest

Kneeling by your feet
I offer you my food
Like a sacrificial lamb
Led to the slaughter
The devil’s daughter
I offer you my fruits
I offer you my womb

© Gaia_Lorraine 2005​

 

[Sienna]

OMG! ... LOL!!

(((( Huggggggggggggsss ))) ...

You didn't tell me about this thread!

 

[Gaia_Lorraine]

OMG! ... LOL!!

(((( Huggggggggggggsss ))) ...

You didn't tell me about this thread!

I never knew that I had created it
Fuckydoody!
All I remember was that I had posted the reply in the New Poems Review thread, the next thing I see is my post and poem in here. LIT truly is a remarkable place, posts can be moved using molecular word transportation and beamed into a thread of my own I have never visited before.
I have a lot still to learn.

 

[ewopper]

A public comment on my latest poem submission -:

10/03/05 By: Anonymous
"a sound of contorted metal
swaying hidden"

great image use here...

I am curious why you center the poems? It is distracting to my eye, especially when some lines are longer than others

I am sorry that your eye was distracted Anonymous, whoever you are, but there are also hidden images in the last few verses... a mushroom cloud is appropriate don't you think? And also a plant pot at the base of the poem with new life growing upward. Objects not easy to represent if not centralised.

Lorraine
x

A New Dawn

The new clear dawn shines down
upon the wasted land
Dust fills the air
picked up by the pincer
of Lucifer’s hand
stirred by his finger
and falls to the ground

Where green leaves danced
charred stumps remain
No birds to nest
The sweet sound of songbird
died in shame
skeletal and bare
the final song passed

The laughter of children
a sound of contorted metal
swaying hidden
No love, no souls, only rubble
razed to the ground
swirling dust

Oblivion

This is not the future
It happened not today
I lived it when I left you
Now a living nightmare
my world is empty
the earth is bare
the sky dark grey

I begin to toil and labour
and work this barren land
Water, sow seeds
Blood and sweat spews forth
to change this desert
from dry sand
into fields

Apocalyptic survival
this holocaust my test, look…
I want to show you something…
meadows of orchids
and butterflies
My harvest
My nest

Kneeling by your feet
I offer you my food
Like a sacrificial lamb
Led to the slaughter
The devil’s daughter
I offer you my fruits
I offer you my womb

© Gaia_Lorraine 2005

My own personal opinion, if anonymous' only criticism is because you centered the poem then he\she is not a true lover of poetry but a nit picker. I personally see nothing wrong with your poem I think it's great. Have a happy New Year.

 

[Sienna]

ITS ALIVE!!



Well Lorraine, you have a thread all of your own now on LIT

 

[Gaia_Lorraine]

ITS ALIVE!!



Well Lorraine, you have a thread all of your own now on LIT

Feeling the faint beat of its heart and listening to the weak exhalation of its breath, YES it's alive
But right now I must leave it to fend for itself as I go and watch my Christmas present - War of the Worlds DVD

 

[Sienna]

Feeling the faint beat of its heart and listening to the weak exhalation of its breath, YES it's alive
But right now I must leave it to fend for itself as I go and watch my Christmas present - War of the Worlds DVD

ENJOY!

One certain person not far away from me right now let me down on the Jeff Wayne concert... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

ILY

 

[Gaia_Lorraine]

ENJOY!

One certain person not far away from me right now let me down on the Jeff Wayne concert... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

ILY

My own person critique of the War of the Worlds film...

Take a classic story that has stood the test of time and has been an inspiration to millions of people and then give it to Hollywood (always a scary thought and more frightening than any horror film ever produced) and let them do their worst. In my opinion there was too much emphasis on the human aspect and not enough sci-fi.
Tom Cruise did his best, I find no fault with any of the acting. Sadly though it did not follow the original story, but maybe H.G. Wells got it all wrong in the first place. Who am I to judge?

As for the Jeff Wayne concert; One lesson I have learned in life - if you want a job done properly don't pass it on to someone else

 

[Sienna]

My own person critique of the War of the Worlds film...


As for the Jeff Wayne concert; One lesson I have learned in life - if you want a job done properly don't pass it on to someone else

Don't worry, my Mum's wok worked perfectly for reminding him that I'm not easily forgotten...

 

[PatCarrington]

why do i get the strange feeling you're talking to yourself?

carry on.

 

[Christina O. Leigh]

why do i get the strange feeling you're talking to yourself?

carry on.

I thought so, too. Maybe they both like purple.

 

[Sienna]

I thought so, too. Maybe they both like purple.

Cooooooooooooooool...

Lorraine and I are very close... does it show that much?

 

[TheRainMan]

Cooooooooooooooool...

Lorraine and I are very close... does it show that much?

How close?

Mirror close?

 

[Sienna]

How close?

Mirror close?

Well, I'm afraid to dissapoint you all, but... Lorraine and I are different people in different parts of the UK... but, if you want to carry on thinking we are one of the same... don't let me spoil your fantasy...

 

[Gaia_Lorraine]

Well, I'm afraid to dissapoint you all, but... Lorraine and I are different people in different parts of the UK... but, if you want to carry on thinking we are one of the same... don't let me spoil your fantasy...

Different people who share the same feelings of love for our families, friends and each other... oh and Dark Orchid