A naughty newbie, with stories to read

[Peppered]

Hello!

I am new to this fantastical forum place. But I have posted two stories so far and would love some feedback on them. Good or bad! I would like to improve.

Category: BDSM

"All tied up"
http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=210343

"A story for him"
http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=213499

Thank you!

xxPepperedxx

 

[cheesy80s]

brief reviews

Okay, your first story "All Tied Up," Well, it was just too short. Visually, there was nothing to break it up, just long blocks of text with no dialogue or creative flair to give it some visual appeal. I know we're dealing with literature, but adding depth and better characterizations is part of that. In short, that story felt like a brief scene in a larger story.

Your second story was much better and more realized. Speaking of which, you spelled that word wrong a lot: "Realized." Just an FYI.

Otherwise, good job. Keep it up, and spend more time in your fantasy world instead of rushing through it.

 

[Boratus]

Your second story was much better and more realized. Speaking of which, you spelled that word wrong a lot: "Realized." Just an FYI.

Actually it depends if you are using a US or UK dictionary. "Realised" is also correct.

 

[Boratus]

I have to agree with Chessy that the first submission is a scene. A lot of people submit scenes (I didn too when I first found this site) but they have to be pretty impressive to warrant more than a vote of 2 or 3 from readers if they decide to give it any vote at all.

The second was better. It got my attention in the beginning but my interest fizzled out at the end. When he had her against the tree it would have been more intense if people actually did come by. The people didn't have to see them but as long as she saw them and you played with how close they were getting the whole scene could have been heightened. Also you did a nice build up but I felt there was no climax (pardon the pun). He worked her up all evening and then just let her sit on him and get herself off. No more teasing. No more dirty talk. (There was even food available for use. )

All in all, not bad for your first try.